An interesting question from @tribesteemup, "How does one deal With or Accept a Loved one who displays Self-Destructive Tendencies."
Our Loved ones are always displaying a variety of behavior patterns, there are times when we can accept some of them gracefully but there are times when some of our loved ones life patterns are completely unacceptable and not for their best, but we need to still deal with it and live with them.
Personally I feel that this has been one of my biggest life lesson. All throughout my life my loved ones have had some or the other self-destructive tendencies which I have been dealing up with them. Like my father had an excessive alcohol and smoking habit, and then there were some with my in-laws and then the heavy smoking habit with my husband.
If our Loved ones have any of such tendencies for sure we do not leave them and my philosophy is to not accept it as well but to give them a helping hand and work towards getting them out of it. I know this is not as simple as said and specially when it comes to our most loved ones, it becomes the most challenging thing to do.
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So what are those few things that we need to understand and do to deal with these situations of life.
Total Acceptance of the person as is:
I feel this is one of the most important one with our Loved ones, Total acceptance. When I say acceptance it does not mean acceptance of the habit but acceptance of the person. If we do not accept our loved ones with all the flaws that they have, then there is a space for bitterness that we start creating and when that happens Compassion starts fading out from the relation. Only when we can accept them in totality can we develop a feeling of compassion for them and then we can work with them on whatever we want to and we will also not give up on them very easily no matter if they change or not.
Do not Accept the situation, but give them a helping hand.
Not everyone operates at the same energy level and hence some need a little more push. For those who are in the capacity of giving this push should do it in the best possible way to lift up their loved ones. For e.g. if your loved one has a smoking habit, which for sure is not a good one and harmful, you should try all possible things to help your loved ones overcome. We need to understand that the self destructive habits that they have may be it started as a fun but then when it becomes a habit for them it is no more a fun but it is an addiction which they have got into and it is difficult for them to release that addiction, hence in such a condition they need your support and not resentment. Many people say I do not think I can change his or her habit, in this case we are accepting the situation and agreeing to it.
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Patience and Persistence
Any change will not happen overnight in a person, If we want to change them we ourselves first need to develop some qualities to deal. The change will ask for many things, may need a constant nagging, may be a little bit of sternness and also being tough on them at times when required and also being sensitive and compassionate at the same time, it is for their good so eventually they will realize this and when the change happens your relation will be at a much higher level. To not give up is the key mantra to deal with your loved ones.
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No one is perfect, we all come with our own defects, to an extent almost everyone has some or the other habit which may not be very good, but then from those there are some which may not bring in much of impact and hence it does not bother much but when the habits start impacting lives then it becomes very important to deal with them and not just accept them. The other key things we need to understand that life is not about suffering, a lot of people conveniently put everything on Karma and accept it, but the whole karma is to deal with these situations and people in the most compassionate way and get them out of it. Everyone is at a different energy level be it in our own family and our own loved ones. The effort needs to be made to raise up those who are at lower energy levels and not abandon them.
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