"Jim Roth likes to throw balls with his friend Oliver Gerald Schopenhauer on weekends. Both of them are married men in their 30s but they have not spawned or cloned themselves so they are not burdened with responsibilities of rearing their offspring. Not that I am complaining about the mental acuity of my spawns but are they dumb, man? The elder one tried to fill crude dark matter in his fission powered teleporter as if his life wasn't going to be hard enough with below average dimensional shifting so he has go out of his way to make videos about how dumb he can get and guess what? he says people like that. To watch my son, I hope, intentionally fail to make good decisions and suffer for his ineptitude. I don't get the internet, man. Ok so where were we? right. Jim Roth, Oliver Gerald Schopenhauer, weekends ok to put it straight the earthlings are evolving to class B level of intelligence and their culture although took a down turn last century, it does seems to be on rise after elimination of Social Sciences from university curriculum and ban of censorship, quite ironical, and with exponential rise in technological arena they might be leering closer to breakthrough of dark matter space travel; in fact our agents on the post report they already have but haven't contemplated to consider the implication. Any way as the rule any space faring civilization gets to vote on the council and as shameless it has been for us for past few elections we might make a comeback with worthy recruit as humans. They will surely entertain in the Space-Olympics with their cute and ferocious antics and we will try to garner public appeal by presenting them as quirky and cute but, ideological and dangerous life form. With this inclusive approach we will attract the squishy form's votes and everything should be sequentially overwhelming from there if you know what I mean? Chuckles in Alien. Room is otherwise silent. The head of Alien Affairs seems to believe we should have humans present their national game which I have find is bas-ket-ball so all of you are called upon here to familiarize yourselves with the game. Here's the glossary of terms. passes a bag of brochures You can use the human google if you have any question. Marvelous creature, they seem to hoard records of even the most mundane of activities and in process gather a wealth of knowledge which is free. never did I thought I'd see a day when information were free. If you need help using the human google you can ask Mankilai. Mankilai waves Our objective is to recruit Jim Roth and Oliver Gerald Schopenhauer among others and HQ has said abduction is out of play so you guys will have to befriend them and casually mention if they have time they could participate in Space-Olympics. Any questions?"
"No."
"Not one?"
"Yes. If I may speak for the team, we agree with you in all terms. We understood every word you said."
"huh! that was easy. Hey Mankilai check to see if the central has increased the minimum of 2000. I don't want to do more than I have to if you know what I mean."
"Yes I do know what you mean. I'm just baffled you're bragging about that."
"Just do what I just told you, would you?" looking at the team "sure have a chuckle."
"I am just baffled at how someone can confuse basketball with a baseball. These glossaries are for baseball and you are trying to recruit basketball players after their prime. Do you want humans to lose?"
"I.. it was intentional. You see I wanted to check if you guys did your homework or not. It was a test, you pass code name Mike Tysom. Oliver Gerald Schopenhauer and Jim Roth used to play baseball in their 20s. Aha! it says so in file right here. See there was no mistake, code name Mike Tysom."
"Sure! it would be bad for you to roll back because of a "minor" mistake now. I'm glad there was no mistake. Hey could you pass the file."
"It's classified."
Eyes roll audibly and scratch the dimensional wall "sure is."
Mankilai rushes into the room "Commander the central won't budge from 2000 minimum. We are approaching earth and we will be in it's zone of visibility in 0.2 weeks or 1.4 earth days. The humanoid suit has been prepared. looking at Mike Tysom "There will not be horse sized anything for your human form suit."
"Aw! person or higher entity or neither if you are of such beliefs."
The spaceship lands on middle of the desert. It looks like something a conspiracy theorist would have decorated all over his den. The spaceship had only 5 pixels. Erlich, had taken a mouthful of mushrooms that day and wandered into the desert and he cannot believe what he is witnessing. He shrugs it off as a hallucination and starts regretting his decision of vision quest. A group of aliens in humanoids suit get out of the ship. It is Mike Tysom's duty to persuade Jim and Oliver by playing basketball. He teleports to their court and wait for their arrival. The rest of the team decide to get wasted and teleports to Alien run bar in Missouri.
Jim and Oliver arrive. Mike throw some rehearsed signs at them and shouts "Gang Stars". Three of them become instant friends nay, brothers.
"Hello frands. What are your names?"
"I'm Jim and this is Oliver. What are you called?"
"My name is Mike Tysom. We should play basketball."
"Hold on did you say 'Mike Tyson?'"
"inaccurate, I said Tysom."
"Oh! ok lets dribble tyga."
" Why do you call me that? That is not my name. nor part of it"
"cuz of the face tattoo. nevermind. here catch"
They dribble excellently and for a long period of time. They rest. Oliver investigates:
"I haven't seen you around, where you from?"
"Never mind that. Do you guys still play baseball?"
"How do you know we ever did?"
"I have to make a confession, I am kind of a fan your.. work. I really admire how you bat balls and run and there is some sorts of pride associated with it, even for people not participating. There is something universal about that. at least for civilization with social structure." Tyga inflates their confidence.
Jim breaks silence: "Sure would be good to play ball again."
Oliver nods in agreement.
"What do you say about this Saturday?" Mike inquires fully knowing the answer.
"It's time to gather up the old team."
Oliver says looking at Jim with a newfound glee on his face. Mike sync lips. Nobody notices. Jim and his team appear with baseball gears at a stadium Mike arranged for. Mike's team teleports to break room still hungover. The game ties at 9th inning. Amongst much tension Jim and Mike both attempt to motivate their team members by shouting motivational speech. Mike's team find the speech trite and generally ignore him. Jim's team win with a home run and celebrate with Mike and his team. The commander seeing whole thing live is standing with intense evil grin anticipating possibilities. The political implication. The opportunity for promotion. As always Mankilai inturrupts him.
"Sir the abduction is complete."
commander answers with hint of sadistic thrill on his face.
"prepare the probes."
I am doing this as my entry to this contest.