If the noise from the training room could be harnessed, it would have flogged a horse dead and then redundantly flogged the dead horse.
General kirk hurled himself out of bed. It was 3 in the morning, standard Korn training spacetime. The warden's in trainings maintained their daily routine so it had become registered in his circadian rhythm. His body recognized when it was time, and forced him awake.
Moving from the bed, buck naked and instantly alert, he made for the body room.
While he washed his face, kirk stared at the lightening bolt shaped scar on his face.
He Chuckled, his voice the only sound in the spacious body room. Underneath all of that however, was the barely there sound of water being recycled in the pipes.
It was the hot season too, so the pipes breathed heat.
Kirk reached for a new shirt and pants, moving farther away from the Heat of the body room and closer to the training room.
The training room had it's characteristic smell, individuals from different galaxies sort to be chosen has a warden of the largest and most efficient intergalactic prison.
So It was a mix of different smells, quite a lot of different genetic materials exuding fluids characteristic of their galaxies.
The Atlanteans smelled like fish and belonged to the Andromedan galaxy, the martians smelled like dust and belonged to the milky way galaxy.
Kirk could hear everything in the training room, although he was a few metres away. He thought again about harnessing the noise from the training room and winced a bit, the scar on his face stinging in retaliation.
Hello, hello.
Kirk didn't speak softly as he walked in, his eyes were less than a millisecond off the Doorpass before he had employed one of the tricks for the day.
Clad in a new costume, a fighter's gear, wavy red hair, combat boots and a shiny clothing material on a voluptuous female human body.
He had to admit, earth was not over-exaggerated.
Kirk made his way to the center of the room, watching the rookie warden's eye the human creature suspiciously.
The temperature In the room seemed to peak all of a sudden.
Kirk could read all the signs just as if he wrote the rules.
"Do you know where the general is"? Some rookie asked.
They seemed quite anxious and it was warranted he thought, what to do when you felt like giant hot seasons pipes were about to burst in your face?
"He's gonna explode woman". The rookie captain kept saying, and kirk watched the Andromedan thrust the Malayan forward like an athenian planet offering.
Sensing the angst amongst them, kirk formed a protective burst around him.
Then hoped his captain would correctly assess the situation.
"Throw him out! Throw him out! He's gonna explode" their captain all but yelled, racing to the door.
The rookies looked confused for a while but then seemed to catch up, watching the red haired woman sit has they dealt with their ticking spacetime bomb.
They headed for the pass, racing in their different garbs but the doorpass opened seconds too late, just has he had programmed.
Kaboom! Spullrgghhhhh!
The deed was done.
He was down one inefficient warden and vowed underneath his breathe to see them out to the last.
Kirk wished they had exploded along with the Malayan.
Hades curse the rookies.
They watched him move to the center of the room. Handmaiden of the milky way with a little of the Malayan goo on her, andomedans, Corcorans, martians.
All useless!
"General", the captain made to talk.
Enough! Kirk bellowed, voice filled with authority, eyeing each of them and reveling in their dwindling numbers, all the better for him he thought.
"You all were distracted, he watched the Athenian captain swallow. Spacetime finger pointing was set.
You, he pointed at the handmaiden.
Sir, yes, sir! Kirk watched her approach carefully.
What would become of you if the fluid on you was of the Andromedan basilisk?
The handmaiden shivered. "I would be extinct Sir, my genetic material would cease to exist and
In other words you would be dead! He cut her short.
Putting his hand's on her and positioning her back to her former location in the unit, kirk turned to obtain his finger pointing spatula.
You, kirk pointed at their now former captain.
"You won't be retaining that position any longer".
Kirk's eyes wandered, searching for another alternative, his eyes glazing over his still former captain.
"Yes, you" kirk said, pointing at a representative of neighboring Planet Quite close to the Malayans.
"You're the new Captain".
"That was my lesson on distraction! To think that you all are given the syllabus even before you apply to be a warden for the intergalactic prison"!
"You know why that's done, I hope"? They all stared at him.
To prevent terrible mistakes like this! Kirk straightened his accusing spatula.
Today on the rooster was a distraction lesson! I shapeshift into an human female and what do you all do? Forget the Malayan amongst you!
Athenian!
Sir yes Sir!
Kirk stared down the demi-god. He was strong, well built, blessed by their gods but certainly no match for the horrors of the prison he was training for.
Rookies! He faced them, deciding that their ineffectiveness would end with the day's lesson.
"Today, you shall listen to the tale of horrors".
Kirk spotted more than a few surprised faces. The tale of horrors was to be the last lesson on the syllabus, it preceded a warden's coronation and signalled the end of the training programme.
But sir! the rookies seemed ready to argue.
Do you question my authority?
Kirk continued to display the many sides to the spatula. It was his own idea of a joke and well a little bit of a lesson. Teaching the rookies that no tool was useless, anything could be weapon, it just depended on how you saw it.
Get Your virtual memory aids!
Kirk watched them scramble to get their 3D glasses. They were so unprepared he thought, how in Hades's underworld would they battle the most microscopic of prisoners if their glasses wasn't perpetually in close proximity?
Kirk redressed the motherboard and reassessed the already imputed file. All he had to do now was command "play" and he would deliver his lesson on the prison tale of horrors.
"Play".
He glanced through their 3D enhanced eyes watching the rookies stare at the square shaped Memory aid.
Kirk had the thing downloaded to his head. In that he had watched it several times.
It displayed the likes of Plasmaton of Atlantis, the corruption that dwelled in the intergalactic camp 4B and the dog, Cerberus or a retro engineered version of it and how they fed prisoners who were killed in battle to it.
When he had been just plain kirk, not a soon to be retiree who was been paid a hefty sum of spacetime to train rookie warden's, he had been Plasmaton's first warden and scapegoat.
The atlanteans were giant, greenish, no-nonsense creatures. Badly tempered too. All he remembered was a brief argument about a plasmaton's right to infinite bowls of water before he was barfed on with fish entrail containing, smelly sticky fluid.
According to the rules, only sand from the planet of Atlantis could shed the fluid completely off its victim. To him at that Time, it had seemed completely easy.
But he had been quite unlucky too, he thought, the intergalactic Store was fresh Out of Atlantean sand.
The only option left was intergalactic travel, the caveat however was that Atlantean sand was as good as gold and could not be taken without a fight.
So his friend had fought for him, in a tournament. Kirk swore to remember him until the day he died.
A little spray of the sand had the sticky fluid bathing him horizontally until the floor was wet and everywhere smelt like dead fish.
Kirk remembered cleaning so hard he had wished himself back in the Atlantean bubble.
"Pause" kirk commanded the memory aid.
They had gotten to the part where the warden's landed on Atlantean sand, sparse as it was.
But he wasn't going to rush his lessons. Kirk wanted them to learn efficiently. They were going to have to reenact the scenes in the tournament, all the better for their fighting skills he thought.
Kirk looked them square in the face. Each expectant andromedan, Corcoran, splicee of the milky way each waiting for the next command.
Kirk's eye's held the handmaiden's.
First lesson from the tale of horrors, kirk reiterated.
"Never leave room for fluids or residual fluids".
Turning his back to them, kirk felt the memory aid retract and fit itself to his back.
The tale of horrors never truly ended, he thought.
Still, tomorrow was another day.
Stime