I am a survivor.
I am a survivor of violence. Because I never had a family, I was looking to build one. But let me start with the childhood.
Being abandoned by my family, I was raised by 10 different families. There was few nice moments but only few. Most of my life was a nightmare. The worst Family was the first.
Why? Because my mum and my dad broked up when my mum was pregnant in the 3rd month with me. She got into another relationship and when my mum and my stepdad broked up,I was only 12-18 months old, my stepdad got custody over me, Even up to today I haven't found out how and why
But Just about a month after my step dad got custody over me
My Step Dad Could not take care of me and I ended up in a Foster care
All this time I was in a foster care till the age of 8. How is to stay with almost 200 children at that age? Very difficult. Believe me. From the moment I got there till the age of 7, I never left that place. I was always wondering what is behind that gates. All I could've see was cars. There were no shops around or too many houses. But we were allowed to go in the garden every day. And I saw people, more exactly families. And I was asking myself why 2 people are looking after a child and us almost 200 are looked by 10 women? I started to put myself so many questions...
Why till the age of 7? Because at the age of 7 I started the nursery. I couldn't believe how big was that place. The nursery was only 15 minutes away from my foster place by walking. I remember that first day, I was so excited when we were told that we will go out. When you are a child and you don't get the attention that a child need, you are feeling very lonely. But you are getting used to it. In this period of time, while I was in foster, my stepdad got into a relationship and his girlfriend got pregnant. When she gave birth to the baby, they moved together and this is how I've got a stepmum. At that time there was a low which was saying: "If the parent who got the child's custody is getting a partner, then they are obliged to take the child home".
My stepmum never loved me. She was a housewife looking after me and their baby and my stepdad was working 6 days a week.
I was beaten up by my stepmum every day for 4 years.
I did try to say it to my stepdad, but all the time when I did this, he almost killed her in front of me. So I stopped talking but she kept beating me up in the worst ways. For example there was times when she would pull me out of the bed by the hair while I was sleeping. Every day I had new marks on my body. She used to say while beating me up, that she will never use her hands because she will get hurt, that was the reason for heating me with hard objects. She hated me so much that once she broked the chair and used the chair's leg, which had the square shape. That was hurting so bad and I tried to hide under the bed but she pulled the bed and I couldn't hide. There were many times when I couldn't sleep because my body was hurting all over. I cried so much that I couldn't cry any more, not even when I felt pain. I was crying only inside. My stepmum used to send me to work in the neighbourhood to get money because she used to drink. They used to drink alcohol and to fight all the time. I had to look after their new baby as well. I had to go to school but in the summer, it doesn't matter how hot was, I always been dressed like it's cold so no one can see the marks from my body. In one night my stepdad got so drunk that he couldn't walk. One of the neighbours came to us and said to my stepmum that he saw my stepdad and he need help because he can't walk. I think was like 8pm, was dark outside but I didn't know to read the time. Outside was really cold and the snow was big. So she run. The new baby was left alone in the house and she took me in her arms and left the house.I was in my pyjama, I had no socks or shoes in my feet or even a coat. When I got to the place where my stepdad was, she left me on the road in the snow. And I had to walk all the way back home because she had to carry him and that was 20-30 minutes walking. That was the worst pain. My feets were frozen, I got so scared. Took 3 hours to unfroze the legs. How do I know that? They were talking. In the next 8 years I have health problems. Every winter when I felt cold, my toes was getting so big that wouldn't fit into my shoes. My blood was frozen every winter. I felt hurt and scratcy all the time. And I scratched my toes till the blood came out.
At the age of 9, I was sexualy abused by one of the family's member. Sometimes one of my uncles used to come to stay with us and sometimes even sleep. I don't know if my stepmum is involved or not but when I was home alone he took advantages. When I was 10, he dyed. I found out later that he dyed because he had cancer. I was happy because my uncle couldn't hurt me anymore.
At the age of 12 I asked Social Services to take me from my violent family. They found out how bad my health was and they said that I had big chances to dye anytime of a heart attack. I got injections so painful that I couldn't walk for 2 days. And the treatment was for 8 months. I got 1 in 4 days. And I had to go to the emergency because my problems with my frozen feets got worst. I had treatment with laser. The doctors kept asking if it's feels hot but I was feeling a little bit warm. I was supposed to feel hot but I couldn't. I had treatment for 4 years to be able to be normal again. From the age of 12 till the age of 13 I was moved from a family to another. I was fostered even by a family in Belgium. I was there 4 time to the same family. 2 weeks in the winter time and 1 month in the summer, that was half term. I learned to swim, to ride horses, going to family parks and visiting many beautiful places. Was first time when I tasted a pizza and chips.
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And fostered by different other families in Romania for short term.
From the age of 13 till the age of 18 I was fostered by a family, which my life wasn't easy again.
From the age of 17 till the age of 27 I was in a violent relationship. At the age of 18 I left Romania on my own and I came to London and moved with my ex partner.
Another nightmare started.
My ex partner knew that I had no family to turn back to. I was a prisoner in the house for 10 years. I wasn't allowed to leave the house without his permission. I wasn't allowed with a phone that can get access to the Internet or to take pictures. The only number phone in my phone was his. I wasn't allowed to talk to people. I had to cook food at very late times like 12-3 am and I had to woke up at 5-6am, every morning. I wasn't allowed to go to sleep before him. I was abused sexualy, physically and emotionally. He used to drink alcohol every day and to smoke 40 cigarettes per day. I was crying and asking to let me go. He used to say that if I ever leave him, he'll come after me and will cut me off. I never been out to a restaurant or somewhere anywhere. Never. He been arrested and in jail 3 times, but he kept coming back. I so much wanted to leave. I was crying every day and every night. I forgot how to smile. I forgot how is to enjoy something. I never celebrated my birthday. Every year on my birthday I was slaged off.
I was trying to kill myself 5 times.
I was so fed up.
Last time when I tried to do that was last December. Actually the reason for doing that wasn't because I had the intention of committing suicide, but I did that because I thought he may call an ambulance and then I can ask for help, but of course it didn't happen.
And I panicked because I felt like I'm slowly dying. I couldn't move or feel anything. And I was unconscious, I don't know for how long, I didn't care about that. I just couldn't believe I waked up in the same place, the same situation.
I tried to call the police but he smashed the phone and locked me in the house. This is how I spent my last Christmas. In February I managed to contact the authorities and he been arrested.
All this time I wasn't allowed to work. All my documents were expired. I was so afraid of the police. He said so many bad things just to make sure that I trust no one but him. What did I do wrong? I felt in love. When he was talking with women on a phone in front of me, I can't describe that pain. He was cheating.
What meant all of this year for me?
Only experience.
Who did I became? Someone stronger.
I kept fighting and kept hoping that I will be free. You know why? Because I studied and searched how some people can be this way. I searched about how brain is working and how you can control the way you feel.
Before I kept saying to him that I hate him and I want to leave him, and that wasn't good because he took my freedom.
But after I understood that I did wrong. So since December I pretend that I love him, so he can trust me. And when that happened, I run to the police. This is how I managed to get out. I got protection from the police. I felt safe. After he been took by the police I was afraid to leave the house for a month. So many people tried to come to my house to convince me to start to go out... After a month I started to go out every day and been walking all day till my legs were hurting. I was so happy because there was no one to call me ever 2-5 minutes. I can't believe how easy I can read people. By looking at someone I know what kind of person is everyone or what they think. I don't cry for what happened, there is no point. I cried already for everything. Now I am ready for everything, can't be worst.
After the broke up with my ex I found a job and all my money I spent on travelling. I was in Manchester, Bristol, Central London. Everytime a new place. I so much wanted to see how is to be free... And to enjoy quite. Life made me smart, because if you are not smart you won't survive. I am not afraid of the dark or of the death. There were many times when I wished for death to come and take me. My last 3-4 years I was reading about human behaviour. Helped me so much to understand what I've been through. And this is what helped me to see good from bad. I became strong and ambitious. I did fight with everyone and I won.
Was worth the fight? Of course. What did I achieve? My freedom. Never stop fighting for your freedom or you will loose it forever.
I understand how the business is working. I like @surpassinggoogle's idea of asking people about themselves through a theme. Otherwise I don't think I would've say all of this about me. This is why I want to thank to @surpassinggoogle with this opportunity. I feel lucky, this is why I enjoy life now. Not many are getting through all of this and be alive, but I did. I want no one to feel sorry for me, I did enough by myself. I am very open minded and I accept new things very easily.
This is me since March 2017 after I broke down up.
Now, since I am with my boyfriend Andrew @greatvideos, I found in him my best friend. We are loughing all day everyday. I found everything around me very funny. I never been clubbing. So my boyfriend took me to a club called "Ministry of Sound". When I got there, the music was so loud that I got scared.
He used to spend a lot of time on steemit.com. He asked me what is my hobby? I said I like to draw but I stopped since I left school. He said I should start drawing again. Actually I like 3D drawings or shapes.
My goals in life? To be successful. So far I succeeded and I won't stop here.
I don't want to get too much into details because some of them are really painful.
I want to thank to everyone who takes the time to read.
Thank you very much everyone! Hope you enjoyed reading my story. 😉