WHO AM I?! I am fishyculture!! Here is the logo I designed for our meetup, years ago, I hope that will explain why I am fishy:
But WAIT A MINUTE!!! That is not who I was GOING to be....
I thought I was going to be a classical pianist. I began playing around age 4, I began lessons about age 5, I was training with a member of the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra by the time I was 8. The said I had talent. When I was 14 I began to study under a music professor from the University of Cincinnati. When I was 15 he broke my heart. He had to. It had been almost 2 years, I had stopped growing. I could barely reach an octave. My hands were too small, I would never be a classical pianist. Not professionally, at least. I still play. I still play Beethoven, I just do not try to play the hard stuff. My hands are too small. Still.
My piano teacher taught me how to play "pop" music and for a while I decided I could settle for being a rock n roll star... I even took up guitar. However, I soon realized there was something VERY interesting going on in the world. There were boys out there, and they were noticing me... music became a hobby. It remains a hobby. My lingering dream is to convince a local band to let me be a "do-wop" girl for one song... and if that never happens I am OK with that, too.
It is sort of funny now, but it was a really hard thing to take as a teen. A dream that you start so young that you don't realize you are dreaming, you think you are planning... it is hard to give up. Yet who would I be today had my hands kept growing? I would never have met my husband, if I had children they would have a different father, my grandchildren would be different people. I can scarcely imagine a world without MY family, just as it is. We are not special in any particular way, we are just "us." And my untalented, small handed self is an integral part of "us" and I love "us." It is the best thing in my life!
I went on to become a chicken farmer. I am a certified permaculture designer. I helped ignite awareness of small scale fodder feeding for cows, sprouting for chickens and aquaponics. I devoted 20 years to helping restore sight to people. I got so involved in politics I had the chance to growl right at Karl Rove himself, in his lair. It was an awesome moment... I learned to run whitewater in any boat you care to hand me, plus I can sail, water ski and scuba dive. I also snow ski, hike, mountain bike... My life IS an adventure.
Who would I have been with larger hands? Someone who sat at home all day worrying about getting my finger smashed in a door? It happened once as a child, you would be amazed the tremendous fear I had of ever having a finger cut off or seriously injured. I suspect that had the day come where my income depended upon the health of my fingers, I would have been a miserable, frightened creature.
Now my untalented life includes the occasional bit of Beethoven. This past week I have been putting all the alto parts on video for the Whoville choir ladies. But I just enjoy when I play, I do not stress about that missed note, that 1/16th rest that I held for 1/8th... I love music, I love to sing, I love to play piano. Would I love it if music had become my career? I suspect the stress would have made it impossible to love. Thank God for my little hands!
