Several years ago I woke up one morning, well like I do most mornings, to a faint knocking at my door. I got quite a shock when I opened my door and found two aliens standing there and asking if they could visit. They said they could only stay for a day and just wanted to experience some earthly ways. I thought why not and maybe I could find out some secrets of the Universe and I thought them to be so polite. They were also a lot smaller than I thought they would be! I’ve long known that aliens walked amongst us but to, actually, have two come to my door and ask politely to visit..how could I say no!
I invited them in for breakfast and to my shock, they had never heard of, smelled or even tasted bacon. I explained that bacon came from an animal known as a pig and if it weren’t for bacon then there would probably be a lot more Vegetarians.
Gratuitous product placement!
I made them some and they seemed to like it very much. I was still in my pajamas so I excused myself, for only a few minutes, to get dressed. When I returned I was shocked to discover that they had eaten all of the bacon. I was slightly perturbed by this as I love bacon also… but I understood. It was bacon after all!
I had to go to the store for a few items so they came along. Once inside they quickly disappeared and guess where I found them? No, it wasn’t with the bacon although that is a good guess! It took me a while but I finally found them amongst this colorful display and they seemed eager to try a blueberry candy cane. How could I say no? I couldn’t! So a bought two, one for me and one for them to split since they (the aliens) were so small. They seemed very pleased!
Another gratuitous product placement!
When we got back to the house, I put up the groceries. My back was only turned for a couple of minutes and next thing I knew they had eaten their candy cane and most of mine as well! I was quite ticked off by this as I was really looking forward to that candy cane but I could always buy another so I told them to just finish eating what was left which they already had! smh
I told them I had to put a load of clothes in the washing machine and I would just be a few minutes and to just sit down and read a book while I was taking care of one of my chores. I collected the dirty laundry and put it in the washer. I returned to find the book open on the couch and no sight of those little guys. Before I knew it, I heard a stirring upstairs and it wasn’t Christmas Eve! I raced upstairs just in time to find this…
Oh..no..no..no!! Phil was not the kind of pig to get bacon from. He was a guinea pig not a bacon pig although he can be quite the little ham!
Yep another gratuitous product placement!
Speaking of ham, it was time for lunch so I offered to cook them some spam and make a sammich. I thought they would like it as it is made from the same animal that we get bacon from…I think…but they declined.
And another gratuitous product placement!
We sat and talked for a bit but it seemed they mostly wanted to talk about food which was fine with me. I offered them some soda while we talked and they didn’t even wait for me to get the glasses. Puhlease..I would have liked a glass for myself also but whatever!
Last gratuitous product placement...I think!
Before I knew it, it was time to make dinner. I was making homemade chicken tenders and onion rings and they were more than eager to help…maybe even a bit too much…
I told them no more playing in the flour as it really wasn’t couth of them and it also wasn’t very sanitary. So they opted to watch me cook for them and yes, I replaced the flour mixture they played in with a fresh batch! I mean come on…you know you were wondering! I finished cooking and they seemed happy with the end product.
So I set the dining room table and damned if when I returned to the kitchen if they hadn’t helped themselves a little too much. I had just enough time to grab the last chicken tender!
I made them a salad and told them to go eat it at the table. They seemed quite put off by the salad but I told them that I was making them some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies so that seemed to make them more willing to eat the salad. I could hear them munching away while I baked the cookies. They finished just in time as the cookies came out of the oven.
Honestly, I think the smell of those cookies had them hurrying up with the salad. I explained that the cookies should cool off a bit and I would clean up the salad dishes while we waited. It took me a good ten minutes to clean up as they were really sloppy eaters when it came to salad. I had just finished wiping down the table when..son..of..a….bugger! They had eaten every last cookie!! Pfft! They looked so content that I couldn’t stay mad though.
We sat in the warm cozy kitchen and I offered them a shot of some Catdaddy moonshine. I no sooner got the words out as they joyously accepted so I poured them a shot.
They sipped on the shot of moonshine as a shot glass to them was a lot of moonshine. I excused myself to go use the bathroom. I returned to find that they had not only finished the shot of moonshine but had found my stash and polished off both bottles! (Don’t question me..lol!)
Oops another gratuitous product placement! (I did say I think)
Muther Sucker! You can hog my bacon, suck on my candy cane, have impure thoughts of my guinea pig, yeah..I understand about the spam, dirty up the flour, leave me one freaking chicken tender and eat my cookies (get your mind out of the gutter!) but I draw the line at my Catdaddy! I picked those selfish little bast**ds up and kicked them out of my house.
I slammed the door shut and breathed a sigh of relief and invited my friend Frangelico out. She is kinda’ nutty and I love her so much..maybe even too much!!
Last gratuitous product placement...promise!!
The end….or is it?!
