It's script time!

That's right. I keep popping 'em out like... like something that you pop out. 😜

You may wonder, "What are they for, these scripts?"

👇This!👇

It's a new thing we're trying out.

Kinda like Saturday Night Live, but with radio. This shall be week 5. Yup, we are still in infancy here. We are getting to know each other, finding new people to contribute their time and talent, and overall, just having a grand ol' time. I bet you wanna join us... I mean, who wouldn't? 😍

I'll link all the pertinent info below. But first!

Are you an amazing reader? Is your voice the most interesting or beautiful sound to fall on the ears of the masses? Are you hilarious? Come join us! We are still looking for actors and players each week!

And writers! I NEEEEEEED YOU! No joke. We need more amazing, fabulous, fun, hilarious content. Can you help? Contact me!

Finally, the script....

This one is called THE INTERVIEW It's an interesting situation. 😎
Scripts are always shared in correct script format via google docs during the show for easier reading.

🤩Scroll past the script for links on where to tune in!🤩

THE INTERVIEW

Written by Carrie Allen
May 18, 2018

CAST
INTERVIEWER
APPLICANT

SETTING: OFFICE OF A LAW FIRM

INTERVIEWER
Thank you so much for coming in today.

APPLICANT
No problem at all. I’m excited to see if this will be a good fit.

INTERVIEWER
So are we. In fact, looking over your application, it seems you are quite over qualified for the position being offered.

APPLICANT
Right. Yes, I am.
(pause)

INTERVIEWER
Do you think that will be a problem?

APPLICANT
Oh, no. I don’t plan to put a huge amount of effort into this job. I’ll just come in when I feel like it.

INTERVIEWER
That’s not exactly what we are looking for here. We need someone to come in every day. There are actually a lot of responsibilities to this job.

APPLICANT
Oh, I’m sure there are. But as we’ve already established, I’m obviously over-qualified.

INTERVIEWER
Okay. So, how would you handle day-to-day operations, not being here everyday?

APPLICANT
Easy. I would delegate. I’m sure there’s some schmuck around just aching for a little more work.

INTERVIEWER
Uh huh. And how often would you plan to come in?

APPLICANT
Probably once a week. At least. Well, maybe once every two… no, once a week sounds good.

INTERVIEWER
And you would expect compensation as if you were here all week?

APPLICANT
Or course. Why wouldn’t I? I’m sure I could finish all that needs to be done during the week in one day, and what I couldn’t, I’d delegate out. I mentioned that.

INTERVIEWER
You believe you are so much more competent than the job description, that you need ⅕ the amount of time to accomplish it?

APPLICANT
That is correct. My IQ is 159. Go on. Ask me anything.

INTERVIEWER
How are you with inter-office relationships?

APPLICANT
Like an S.O.? Nope. I never date at the j.o.b.

INTERVIEWER
No. Just general office comradery.

APPLICANT
Oo...No to that one too. I’m only going to be here once a week and I’ll be working that entire time… so no time for fraternizing. Perhaps the rest of the office could learn a little something from me.

INTERVIEWER
Right. And how would you go about relationship building with your office contemporaries? In order to facilitate a more comfortable work environment.

APPLICANT
That’s a waste of time. When at work we have tasks. If in order to complete those tasks we must interact with others, we do so, with the most respect, but minimal interest, as it’s simply a means to an end. Small talk cuts productivity and cost businesses unnecessary overheads under the guise of ‘office community’.

INTERVIEWER
Right. Okay. I don’t think this is going to be a perfect fit.

APPLICANT
I agree. I would quit if I worked here.

INTERVIEWER
Well, I didn’t hire you, so you can’t quit.

APPLICANT
Really? You’re not a little curious if I could do it or not? Just a tiny?

INTERVIEWER
No-

APPLICANT
Really? Come on, be honest…

INTERVIEWER
Fine. Yes. I’m curious. You talk a big game, but sound like a sociopath.

APPLICANT
Whoa. Name calling? Now I know I’d quit.

INTERVIEWER
But I didn’t hire you, so you can’t quit.

APPLICANT
No, no. You misunderstand. I was saying that if you did hire me, I would most definitely quit. I mean… look at this place. And you?! Asking me leading questions during an interview about my relationships--

INTERVIEWER
I would fire you first.

APPLICANT
Nah. You’d never see it coming. I’d be your best employee. Then BAM! Outta nowhere. I’d quit.

INTERVIEWER
Best employee?! Ha! I wish you did work here so I could fire you.

APPLICANT
I’d quit first.

INTERVIEWER
Wouldn’t happen.

APPLICANT
Try me.

INTERVIEWER
What? You want me to hire you?!

APPLICANT
Yes. So I can quit.

INTERVIEWER
That is absolutely laughable! You must be a sociopath, but an IQ of 156, I doubt.

APPLICANT
Do it.

INTERVIEWER
Do what?

APPLICANT
Hire me.

INTERVIEWER
Not gonna happen.

APPLICANT
Why not? Afraid I’ll do what I say I can?

INTERVIEWER
So you’re saying I should hire you, you’ll come in once a week for what- like 2 months and prove how amazing you are?

APPLICANT
Yeah. Something like that.

INTERVIEWER
Fine. You’re hired.

APPLICANT
I quit.

INTERVIEWER
No! You’re fired!

APPLICANT
Um, no. You can’t fire me, I just quit.

INTERVIEWER
That’s ridiculous. I just hired you. You can’t quit.

APPLICANT
Oh, I can and I did.

INTERVIEWER
Not this time.

APPLICANT
Not this time- what? Are you going to hire me again.. And try to fire me? Do it. I dare you. I promise I won’t even try to quit.

INTERVIEWER
You … are … HIRED! You’re Fired!

(pause)

APPLICANT
Feel better?

INTERVIEWER
Not really.

APPLICANT
Anything I can do to help?

INTERVIEWER
What? You’ve got to be kidding me! Yes! You can leave! Get out of my office!

APPLICANT
Right. Great. Yeah. So I’ll see ya next week sometime?

INTERVIEWER
No! You do not work here!

APPLICANT
But you hired me.

INTERVIEWER
And then FIRED YOU! GET OUT!!!

APPLICANT
(on the way out)
Good luck filling the position! Sorry it didn’t work out!

INTERVIEWER
GET OUT!!!!

SFX: DOOR SLAM

THE END

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