I don't know how old we were when we realized that she wasn't our real Mom. Maybe we were seven or eight. We didn't look anything like her. Yet she was all we knew.
We lived in a little apartment close to the shopping centers. Aime' would load us into the car and off we would go to Target. The trips were a welcome outing from our stuffy apartment that smelled of cats. Aime' loved her cats. Being trapped inside all day could be pretty boring. In retrospect she worked long hours on the cancer ward which was no doubt depressing.
While Aime' slept, Jack and I would amuse ourselves with toys, draw pictures, or jumping on the bed. One time we found a gun in Aime's nightstand and wondered why it was there-was a bad man after us? On our own we helped ourselves to whatever we could find to eat in the fridge. We communicated with our eyes or a nod of the head. I was the courageous one, Jack was forever crying if he got left behind.
One summer Aunt Deb and Uncle Chip rented a condo and took us up to Cape Hatterous to visit the light house and explore the coast. Thats where we discovered we could catch fresh crabs right near the shore. For lunch that day Aunt Shell made us a crab salad with our catch of the day.
Aime' had us when she was 47. Maybe that's why she took a hands off approach to raising us. Maybe the two of us just wore her out.
She told us her Mom had cancer when she was a kid and she took care of her until she died. It made me sad for her, so I tried to cheer her up as much as possible. It seemed like she was always tired and I was afraid something might happen to her.
One day when we were getting ready to go on a camping trip Jack and I were ready to go, Aime' was taking a shower and still hadn't even begun to pack. Excited about the prospects of our campout, we ran out the front door to play. Jack hated wearing clothes and as soon as we were out the door he stripped naked. When Anne found out we were outside she was madder then a wet hen.
It was on that day someone had called CPS and it was the last time I saw my brother Jack. Jack and I were taken away in separate police cars while Aime' just stood there crying.
After a brief court appearance regarding custody the Judge informed me that I was going to be living with my Aunt Julie and Uncle Wayne. They already had 3 girls and one more was no problem for them. They had a swimming pool, we played sports and even took ballet lessons. Uncle Wayne took us camping a lot and we slept in their pull along camper. Those were the happiest years of my life!
I never stopped wondering about my brother Jack. How had his life turned out. Was he going to college, did he ever think of me? For years I worried that he was scared, crying himself to sleep.
One afternoon Aunt Julie bought me a large envelope addressed to someone in Great Britain. The hand writing was nearly illegible. It was from Jack! He had been in the U.K. over the summer taking an art class in preparation of going to NYU. I try to imagine him in New York as an artist, he is wearing a straw hat surrounded by tall buildings. He said he would be back in the States in about a week. He wanted to spend a couple of days with me before heading to New York. I literally cried tears of joy!
A week later as we talked, I began to put the pieces together. Jack told me about that fateful day the police car carried him away. Adopted by Aunt Deb and Uncle Chip they had raised him as if he was their own son. Jack also explained the reason they decided to keep the two of us apart was because we had formed such a tight bond the family thought being apart would make each of us stronger individuals.
Aime had been a traveling nurse and having had a string of bad relationships she felt like she would never meet Mr. Right. At some point she decided to have an invitro fertilization from and the rest is history. She never imagined Jack and I would be twins! Not having the foresight to imagine how complex her life would become combined with the strained relationship she had with her own mother only added to the difficulties. Although it was a difficult time for her and she loved us to the best of her abilities our relationship with her was never close. Perhaps she had too much responsibility with her own mother or maybe she realized too late she wasn't the mothering type. Whatever the issue was it prohibited her from bonding with anyone. She died Never really knowing how to live.