What if I had really paid attention? Maybe I would have known we weren’t being careful enough, that we were taking you for granted. I saw your face from days ago, I noticed you were acting weird. I noticed you were eating less, and sleeping more. I knew there was something going on.
What if I had been faster? I should had made them know. I should have told them I was worried sick about you, but I didn’t knew why I was. I should be more confident about my thoughts and worries, but I wasn’t, and who paid for it?
What if the doctor who did the triage had noticed you were really really bad? You waited four hours to be attended. What if I had been straight and told her that I knew you were not as god as you looked? No, I was comfortable with the things she was telling me, I was glad you were as ok as she thought, and shut my damn thoughts.
What if Dr. Laura, who happens to be a wonderful Doc, had asked me for you to stay there, safe and taken care of? What if, instead of walking home with you clutched on my chest, I had waited for my mother to come over and take us to our place? Maybe it was too cold, maybe I held you too hard.
What if you hadn’t died today?
I think I'm off deadline, bad, but I had a rough day, and I simply didn't want this to be forgotten.