The sense of lonely helplessness that I felt in my first days in the Initiates College came back to me on my last morning there. In just over five years, that place molded me from the child I used to be, into an ambitious young initiate. The change in me was both rapid and gradual.
On my very first day at the college, I was given a new name – Lilith Redland. Since I did not come from a magical bloodline, I was named after my place of birth and some ancient mage Goddess I knew nothing about at the time. A blank book was placed in my hands, my new name inscribed on it with magic. Its thick leather bindings would open only in my hands. This book would contain, over time, all the spells I would learn, and more.
But most importantly, over my years in the college I was given a goal and purpose – to be the strongest and wisest lady I could be. Along with the goal and purpose came hard work and training.
I did not feel strong or wise standing at the gates, Lady Mother Superior at my side. My education as a lady initiate complete, my life was once again about to change. It seemed like I’d only just gotten used to the college routines, carefully crafted and overseen by the Lady Mothers. They would not tell me what was waiting for me beyond the heavy gates, but it was clear that I would not be coming back. At least this time I was permitted to bring something with me – my spell book. It was more than just a list of the spells I’d tried to memorize as an initiate. The footnotes were a journal, small bits of advice I left to myself and lessons I felt I had to keep close to me. Its weight in my worn bag on my back was somewhat comforting. But not nearly enough.
I clutched at my coat trying to keep warm in the cool wind of morning at the citadel, when the gates finally opened. Standing outside was a single Knight, his ceremonial armor glistening in the gentle rays of a late autumn morning. A light-haired man in his mid-twenties, tall and with broad shoulders. The golden armor made him glow as he stepped through the gate, giving the Knight an almost godlike appearance. Something inside me tingled.
Initiates were not allowed any contact with men. In fact, from the moment I entered these gates at the innocent age of twelve, I had not seen a single man up close. I could catch a glimpse of a knight passing on the street of the citadel from a window, but nothing more. Experiencing puberty surrounded only by girls and the lady mothers, who were sworn to never draw power from a man, was a surreal experience. Made more so by the fact that we studied the arts of pleasure and pain alongside lessons on the arts of magic. So it was really no wonder my stomach was in knots at the sight of this handsome specimen.
"I am Knight Draken, and I was sent here to escort Initiate Lady Lilith Redland to the Palace of Mistresses." His formality was impeccable, his eyes never even straying toward me.
I paid no attention to the Lady Mother Superior as she recited the words of the ritual giving me away to the Order of Mistresses. My eyes were locked on Draken, or rather on his lips. The color rushed to my face as my mind wondered what those lips could do. What other parts of him could do. And what I wanted them to do.
Finally, the Lady Mother Superior released us, and the young Knight walked beside me on our way uphill, toward the palace of mistresses. I tried my best to distract myself from the sight of Draken at my side. My hormones did not make it easy. The alternative was letting my mind run away from me with fear and anxiety about what was to happen to me next, as I had very little idea what awaited me in the Palace. Either way, the anticipation made my insides turn as we paced in complete silence up the Citadel streets. Back at the College, my old classmates had just started their morning lessons.
When we arrived at the palace, I finally managed to focus on something aside from the novelty of a male presence at my side. The Mistresses’ Palace was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. The tall windows, the marble floors, the ornate carpets and works of art that adorned the spacious palace wings astounded me. I expected to see a lot more mistresses and knights, but the place seemed deserted at such an early morning hour.
Draken stopped me at one of the doors in the residential wing, and knocked gently against the polished ornate wood.
"Oh! You're here already! I was just about done making myself pretty. Come in!" The woman’s voice sounded vaguely familiar.
The door opened and Draken allowed me in before shutting the door behind me. The woman behind the voice turned to me.
“Hello little one, welcome to my humble temporary home.” The lithe figure lifted a manicured hand, gestured around the room.
Raven-black hair framed milk-pale skin, accented by thin lips painted the deepest crimson. Everything about her was long and smooth. Though she wasn't much taller than I, she seemed to tower somehow. She wore a long wrapping dress of dark blue velvet decorated with gold threading and a wide jeweled belt. Her bright blue eyes sparkled as she smiled at me, and I caught my breath before exclaiming with surprise and delight...
“Mistress Morgan!”
I wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate to hug her, so I waited for her to walk to me and give me a warm embrace.
“My, you’ve grown!” she said. Yes, I’d changed in those five years. My body had developed feminine curves and the boyish awkwardness was replaced with the well-practiced grace of a lady. The Lady Mothers made sure of that.
“You must be wondering why you’re here,” Morgan said, as though reading my mind.
“Yes, Mistress, I am.”
“Just call me Morgan. As you will quickly learn, I am not big on formalities.” She turned toward the couches in the center of the room and settled into one. “And I do not like to waste time. Sit.” Morgan pointed at the couch across from her and I hurried to obey.
I glanced around the room. The space we stood in looked like a salon for entertaining guests, with comfortable couches and sofas and a large decorated fireplace. The walls were lined with carved cupboards and shelves containing bottles of wines and spirits. Everything was so lush and rich I felt a little dizzy. The salon had two doors, steps leading to a second floor and an exit to a wide balcony that could be seen from the large glass windows. This suite could be home for a family of twenty. Up until that moment, I thought only royalty lived in such luxury.
“I assume you’ve given thought to your role in the Sisterhood,” Morgan stated, leaning back and relaxing against the cushions. Of course I had, just like all other initiates.
I did my best to excel at all the classes, lessons and tests, aiming to become a lady scholar. It was hard. Not only because we were expected to give our everything to our studies, but also because in part I felt I needed to prove myself. Most girls born to Ladies of the Sisterhood lived with magic as part of their life since birth. So they learned quite a bit from their mothers before coming to the college. I did not.
My long-forgotten dream of becoming a powerful Mistress had faded while I was studying in the college, surrounded by stunningly beautiful daughters of queens and Mistresses. Since my heritage was not known, I could not be married off to some king or prince to breed more mages. And I dreaded becoming an abstinent Lady Mother, or town mage like Clarida. So my best option was to study hard and aim at a Lady Scholar apprenticeship.
I could see myself experimenting with magic and inscribing spells in thick books, high up in the scholars’ tower, or reading though ancient tomes in the library below it. I would often glance at the tower from my classroom window, dreaming I would one day be there. It wasn’t the glorious life of a Mistress, but I liked to discover and learn new things. And being a scholar was all about that. Or at least so I was taught in my studies at the college.
“Most girls work hard to be considered for a Mistress apprenticeship,” Morgan said.
Was I really being considered for such an apprenticeship? My mouth opened in surprise.
She paused and looked me over. I was still wearing my coat and clutching my bag, now uncomfortably hot in front of the fireplace. The morning wind had managed to mess up my hair. But I dared not move to arrange it, frozen in place by the question. I must have looked like such a mess in contrast to Morgan sitting on the couch, framed by an exquisite oil painting hanging on the rich grained wood of the finely paneled wall.
“Do you think you would make a good mistress, Lilith?” I loved the way my name rolled off her tongue.
“I believe so,” I replied. “I am eager to learn, and grateful for the opportunity, if one is given,” I added carefully.
“I have been tasked with your testing for the role of a future Mistress. Tomorrow we will leave the citadel and travel to my family tower on the Iron Coast. There, I will teach you and test you until I have decided your fate.” Morgan paused.
I swallowed a lump of anxiety. Nothing smart to say came to mind. This was not at all what I expected. Morgan looked at my face, as though trying to read my thoughts again. I knew she could use her magic to do so, if she so willed. However, I would feel it if she tried.
“You’ve learned quite a bit about magic in the college, but you’ve never felt power.”
This was true. We learned the language of the spells in the books and practiced magic daily. My spell book was full of enchantments and formulas for magical spells. But I could not cast any of them. Learning magic in the college was like painting with a brush dipped in water, like playing music on an imaginary instrument. No matter how perfect the drawing, or how beautiful the melody – they were invisible and inaudible. To give the spells form, a woman with the Second Gift needed power from a man.
“You must find the concept quite exciting--don’t you?” Morgan smiled gingerly.
“I am curious,” I admitted.
"So I’ve been told,” she replied.
Told? What was she told?
I considered inquiring, but Morgan spoke first. “Are you more curious about the pleasures of sex or about the power you would be accepting and what you could do with it?" Morgan’s inquisition continued, as she carefully watched my face. I paused and considered my answer. This must have been one of the tests the Mistress was to put me through.
“Can it be both?” I inquired with some uncertainty.
Morgan's smile widened, and she seemed content with my answer. "As I’ve said before, I do not like to waste time. You have questions, dear." She rose from the sofa. "And I have answers. But first, let’s get you changed.” The Mistress walked me to the guest room and opened the closet. “You’ll be sleeping here tonight,” she said while browsing through the dresses. The room wasn't as luxurious as the rest of Morgan’s apartment in the palace, but it was much nicer than the college dorms. The bed was twice the size of any I’d ever slept in, and looked softer.
“Thank you.” I mumbled, shy as I removed my coat. Under it I wore my simple green and yellow uniform of an initiate.
“You can leave your spell book and coat here.” She signaled toward the bed. I hesitated but turned to place my bag on the bed, covering it with my coat. In the college, you had to keep your stuff safe so I did it instinctively.
“As you’ve never seen power drawn, that will be your first test. Once you’re ready, I will summon Draken to give you a little demonstration.”
Draken. My mouth went dry and heat rushed to my face.
“Draken?” I heard myself ask.
"Yes." Morgan pulled a dress from the closet. "He's one of my most loyal personal Knights. I've had him for three years now and he's never let me down." She shut the closet door and handed me a gown of green velvet. "Here, try this on,” she said. “Though he is a bit tall for my taste, he has his strengths and is a dear, gorgeous, and sensitive man. "
I undressed quickly and pulled on the soft green gown. It felt pleasant against my skin. Morgan stood behind me and tightened the laces until it felt snug. She unbraided and untangled the mess that was my hair, letting the locks fall freely around my shoulders. "Lovely," she said and brushed a lock of hair from my eyes. I walked to a mirror, and back at me stared a bewildered-looking me in the prettiest dress I had ever worn, with the deepest cleavage I could imagine as legal in public.
Morgan led me back to the main room, where Draken stood waiting. I guessed Morgan had summoned him with her thoughts, as a Mistress would. The golden collar fastened around his neck wasn’t only a ceremonial symbol of ownership that carried Morgan’s initials and was sealed with her power. It was the conduit for a unique bond between a Mistress and her sworn Knights.
I looked him over and the blood rushed to my face again. Out of his ceremonial armor he looked just as attractive. Perhaps more. His blond curls framed his sculpted face perfectly, and well-toned muscles were visible beneath the loose cotton shirt and pants he wore.
"Ah, you heard my summoning, love." Morgan murmured to Draken who just stared at her adoringly. "Go to the bedroom and wait for us. Be prepared," she added.
Draken nodded, turned around and headed up the stairs to the second floor without giving me a second glance. Morgan turned to me and scanned me with her eyes.
"You've learned plenty of theory in the college," she said. "Are you ready to see the taking of power in practice?"
The taking of power. I never heard it put that way. I was taught that power was accepted. Men gave it to us willingly. Perhaps it worked differently for Mistresses.
"I think I am." I couldn’t know if I was ready for this, but assumed five years at the college helped prepare me.
"You were taught plenty of a woman's pleasures. Surely you know how to pleasure yourself?" she asked. To an average woman that question would be embarrassing and intrusive, but to Sisters of the Order sex held different meaning. It wasn’t so much about intimacy or love. It was about function, for the most part. At the college, we were told that pleasuring ourselves was accepted, and even encouraged. It helped us know our bodies better, so in the future we would be able to guide men how to pleasure us. Though there wasn’t much privacy at the college dorms, I quickly learned that masturbation was helpful in getting a better night’s sleep after a particularly hard day.
"Of course," I answered, trying to sound confident.
"Good. While we're up there with Draken, you will watch. You will learn. And you will avoid pleasuring yourself no matter how much you may want to. I will be watching you." Her voice had the strangest tone of command to it. It was oddly seductive.
"I am here to learn," I said carefully, suddenly a lot more anxious than I would have liked to be.
"And up there, it's Mistress Morgan," she added. I nodded in reply. "Don't worry, little one. You'll have plenty of fun soon enough." She smiled and her tone seemed to soften.
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My endless gratitude to the wonderful ladies (and gents) at @isleofwrite for reviewing, editing and holding my shaky hand.