Who in their right mind would end a story with "and"? Well @nonameslefttouse the writer himself, that's who. So where were we?
(~New here? This is already the fifth installment. Enjoy this, but press here to start.)
And...
And? And what? Spit it out.
And as I was trying to say...
Myself, Haffanower, me, the soy sauce and a treat for your dog will be here in one half of an hour. You will then give Haffanower his Peace. This is a deal. What is your dog's name?
The dog? His name is Kitty.
No, he's a woof woof. It's a long story. I lived next door to a real douche bag when I got Kitty. His cats would always hop the fence and shit in my yard. While I was busy cleaning it up and throwing the fresh scoops on his roof, he was always laying out in his gitch, drinking. I knew he did laundry on Sundays, but that was about it. You could tell because the shit stain would grow day by day. If I forgot what day it was, his ass was like a calendar. If he was sportin the ones with the holes, you knew the month was almost over. So anyway, when he wasn't drunk and out promoting his ass art, he'd be wide awake at 3:00am yelling, "Here kitty kitty kitty! Here kitty kitty kitty!" That's how I knew it was almost time to wake up and head to work.
One morning I came up with a plan. I brought Kitty home and named him Kitty. It took about two weeks. Asshole would come outside, start calling his cats inside and away from shitting in my yard. Kitty would feel invited and want to go play. He'd run out and help round up the cats and then say hello to the fence for about ten minutes.
Neighbor became annoyed with Kitty around the time the holey gitch made their appearance. He called the cops and I had to go outside in my own gitch early one morning. He tried to tell them my dog was making too much noise and being a general nuisance to the "normally quiet" neighborhood. I told the police this man wakes up in the middle of the night and calls my dog constantly for sometimes up to half an hour. My neighbor told the cops I was a liar and recommended they pepper spray me. I showed the police Kitty's tag. So anyway, to make a long story short. The dispute was then settled, so I went back to sleep.
Are you even listening ?
"The cops are everywhere I must declare. I had to get thee fuck outta there. Went to the store for more liquor. I'll be there waiting, by the door. I think I saw my favorite whore. I might be busy, on the floor. TYT."
TYT? What is TYT?
Tit?
I don't know, man. He just said "tit" and nothing else?
Alright! Damn dude, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down. I just moved here a few months ago. My new neighbors already think I'm on drugs because every morning I'm outside yelling, "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty!" to a fucking dog. Their four year old calls all the other dogs in the neighborhood kitty and all the other kids think he's retarded. These people already give me the look... and now I got some fired up meth cook yelling about tits at the top of his lungs.
Go find your sketched out friend, maybe you'll see a tit if you're early, all will be solved. Come back here, with my soy sauce. Do you not smell that? The smell of my food getting cold... er!
This is the last time I order from you guys!
I'll be writing a hasty uncontrolled review of your establishment on Steemit as well. Those people will definitely upvote, and I'll be internet famous in no time. You're going viral. You hear me! Viral!
This should only take approximately thirty minutes. Protect the Peace.
...Yeah, you keep saying that. Just go. I'll be cleaning my keyboard if you know what I mean.
...and don't forget the soy sauce.
Soy sauce has never been so saucy. Will our rage quit ready hero @nonameslefttouse finally get to eat and go back to writing normal stuff... or will the meth'd out villains continue to somehow keep fucking this up?
