~Welcome to Haffanower. These are the words you are now reading. This is episode nine. New here? Spoiler here. I think you'll enjoy this, so please do, but I'd recommend starting at episode one at some point. Some jokes,references and of course the story line depend on previous episodes. Most episodes are short. It should not take long, you'll be entertained along the way and end up right back here. All images produced by me, of course. Haffanower Episode One.
Last time on Haffanower: ...fucking her right up the ass and then she farted! The look on her face was... we're on?
Welcome back! Last time @nonameslefttouse The Writer Himself and those other two knuckleheads decided the only rational approach to this situation was to simply chase the FBI. Only one problem. They have no fucking clue which way the roid rage went! A very bold, precise prediction was made but this does not tell us anything about anyone! Will they find this mother fucker? Let's find out maybe!
Just Go Left
Are you sure, man? There's some gnarly shit in that neighborhood. Do you really think someone with such a nice tie would head that way?
If I was the FB Eye I would definitely go that way.
He's probably looking to score before he heads home. They don't have to pay for drugs, you know. This is my educated guess. Go left!
Well, if you say so. I guess that makes sense. I better use my turn signal with Haffanower in the back. The last things we need are lights, sirens and the smell of breakfast behind us.
TOWFA!
What! I'm trying to drive! Leave me alone!
Oh, right. Thanks man.
My name isn't Towfah though.
It is to us you little puss, so don't fuss. Would you prefer Gus? Cletus?
How about hippopotamus! Clitoris? Are you serious! Mind your business. Your autonomous bitching, increasingly monotonous. Disastrous itching upon my nut epidermis. Watch out for the bus!
Haffanower! Watch your fucking mouth! Are you buckled up? How about I slam these brakes and send you through the windshield, you little fucktard. I can't fucking drive with some washed up early 90's white middle aged rapper wannabe in my back fucking seat! Fuck!
If it is, this is a nice Mazda. What does this button do?
Haffanower! Look! The vents are oscillating!
Now I'm cold, now I'm warm. Now I'm cold, now I'm warm. This is an amazing piece of technology you have here TOWFA.
Don't push my buttons, PK. Okay? I had that set.
Yes, this is a Mazda. A 1985 Mazda 626. I've had this car since I was young. We've been through everything together. I'd like to be able to afford a new one some day. Unfortunately, all I do is blog away for pennies. Because of you guys, I won't be able to fill my quota today. I'm only allowed four superb quality articles per day.
I had this great idea! I was going to post a picture of a sheep and make it say... get this...
My penis? Nobody will want to hear stories about that sort of thing, trust me. I think I know what I'm doing okay. Leave it up to the professionals.
A professional?
There's purple fucking crackhead all over my windshield!
Are you guys okay! Holy fucking shit! We're screwed now!
Who in thee actual fuck runs out onto the street like that!
Barnes. The happy porn star who fucked on farms.
"I fuck you, you fuck me. We're a happy family."
"With a big purple cock and give the horse my bone..."
Shut up! I don't want to hear the ending! We have to scrape this mother fucker up off my car and figure this shit out. Do you guys think anyone saw this?
Cops won't listen to them. Come on, let's clean this up and get the hell out of here.
Damn! This is gross. What the hell was this guy made of!
Haffanower! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
GO! Go! Go! Drive!
All I wanted was a bit of SOY SAUCE!!
Fuuuuh uhhh uhhhh UCK!
I don't think I'm qualified to be a narrator anymore. I'm speechless. I thought about it. I'm going to remain speechless. You know what to do. I don't need to say a damn thing.
