~Welcome to Haffanower. The strangest thing you will see all day. This is episode seven. New here? I think you'll enjoy this, so please do, but I'd recommend starting from the top before you consider voting and following. Most episodes are short. It should not take long, you'll be entertained along the way and end up right back here. Haffanower Episode One
Last time on Haffanower: @nonameslefttouse the writer himself finally found some time to update his Steemit blog. Still no sign of soy sauce, still starving his chicken balls off. There was a knock at the door, again...
Knock Knock
Oh, hello? I was expecting someone else...
Assume the position mother fucker!
Position? What position, man? If you're here trying to drum up support for something political... I'm not interested. If this is about who's god is the god, just leave your pamphlet in the mailbox labelled "Advertisements" and I'll bring it in once the box is overflowing, but before things fall out and blow all over the yard. My landlord said I'd be evicted if you people keep leaving a mess.
You have something of mine, you little shit, and I'm here for it. You will turn around and place your hands behind your head.
The FBI! Perfect, yup, this is great. Listen buddy, soy sauce isn't illegal and I have not published the article which briefly mentions what I'd consider your misguided, irrational, half baked classification of Juggalos and what that could mean to other artists worldwide. If you're here to simply pick up the bug you planted in my laptop, it's right over there by the encyclopedias from 1987, near the plant.
You are known to us, "TOWFA".
Towfah? Wrong place... I am @nonameslefttouse, the writer, himself.
The One Who Fucks Around. I know it is you. We've known of you since before you were born. Don't make this any harder on yourself. I have guns, chemical weapons, sticks, a gang, connections and these zip ties...
... which all must wear to control and monitor blood flow to our superior brains. They look nice as well. Don't I look sharp today? Now, please, just do as I say.
How can I resist a dictator with manners? Just check your roidrage at the door and come on in.
Holy horses ass, my friends. It looks like @nonameslefttouse the writer himself is in some sort of a pickle. Maybe a jam. Does this spell the end for our hero's creative freedom? Will the FBI ruin any chance of eating tonight? Is this the end of episode seven?
No! I'm just a narrator with a quota...
Ow, Don't Be So Rough!
Dammit! Dude, my arm doesn't bend like that. My pockets are empty, I could have told you this, had you simply asked!
Why the hell are you arresting me man! This is fucked up! I think you broke my nose, asshole, you didn't need to throw me down like that. That better be your flashlight pressed up against my ass!
It's mine, now hand it over before I rub hash oil all over your nuts and throw you in with the dogs!
The ticket to my soy sauce?
Why in the hell is everyone trying to fuck with my SOY SAUCE!
This piece you speak of, this useless piece of shit picture which was supposed to mean my freedom from hunger pains... it's right over there, sitting on my computer. You looked right at it a few minutes ago! You just felt like beating someone up tonight. Is that what this is really about?
This is the new banned substance on the block. This is our ticket to freedom, our control! The final Peace is upon us! Wait until they hear about this at the FB Eye's main socket!
I hope these are just hunger hallucinations. I've not seen anyone normal in what seems like days...
You're not even going to stay for a coffee? Just mess my face up, steal my stuff, and leave...
This is bullshit. Total... bullshit ...and those sketched out meth heads are probably on their way with my soy sauce as I lay here in my own puddle of piss, talking to myself. I'm so hungry. I'm so done with this day.
When I started this job, I signed a contract stating I'd remain emotionally disconnected from any and all events before, during and after signing. This narrator will not let the boss down. Will @nonameslefttouse the writer himself fall asleep in his own glistening puddle of dysfunction and hard times? What are those two clowns going to think of this new development? Did you know once more people jump on the bandwagon, they will be voting for decisions and potential outcomes?
