What's your Temperament? - EcoTrain QOTW, after a very long time a question has come up from @eco-alex, and an interesting one.
We all have different temperaments. I have heard people saying I cannot change my temper or my ways, I am born with it and I cannot do anything about it. But I personally believe from my own experiences of life that our temperaments keep changing with the experiences of life automatically. Our surroundings decide our temperament. Though it can be in our control but partially or to a large extent I can say it is also dependent on our surroundings.
When I was a Teenager
When I was a teenager, I was a very timid child, due to all the family circumstances, I had become a very introvert person. and I was always very scared to speak up. I would cry out on the smallest of things. Till I was around 20 I was like this. I was always very scared, shy of speaking up and absolutely no confidence. I had a super inferiority complex. I would say yes to everything, today when I look back I feel how people were taking advantage of this. I would want to say many things but never had the courage fearing how the opposite person would react. Though my dad used to push me to speak up many times. He would tell me, if I will be so soft this world will eat me up. And I could also see that myself, that people would take advantage of my quietness and soft nature. As children our personality develops from the guidance of our parents and our home environment, I had neither of it. It was extremely difficult for me to speak up. I never felt that security and comfort, so I was all the time in my shell. I had too much of fear about everything.
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In my 20s and mid 30s
In this period I got married, and I feel blessed to have a very supporting husband. He was always very encouraging and used to motivate me to become strong and speak up for myself. Then my job also helped me a lot. I had a lot of travelling in my job and as I started exploring the world I also started exploring myself and opening up, breaking the barriers that I had. But everything was not going in the right direction. As much as I was timid and scared type I started getting exactly opposite. Then I observed that I used to start losing out on patience, blowing off on small matters. Getting angry on small matters. It was like everything that was pent up for so many years was coming out. A little bit of pride also started seeping in which was not on the good scale. I used to realize this and wanted to bring in a balance. This phase was too much unbalanced. I would see at times I would be very fearless and then again there were times when I would get into my shell. I wanted to be nice and humble and at the same time I would get angry over small matters and be extra rude to people.
Journey after Mid 30s
I realized there was a lot of drama always around me and my reaction was very strong to all of it. There were times when I used to get extremely angry and keep blowing up on every small thing, or there would be times when I would just cry and cry for hours over petty matters. Mentally I was feeling exhausted with this extreme mood swings and I wanted help. That was the time then I turned to Yoga and Meditation and that helped me a lot in balancing my extreme emotions, moods and temper.
As time passed and I got more involved in spiritual groups I felt more and more calmer and felt I really do not have to keep reacting to every situation. The balance that I was looking out in my temperament started getting visible to me. I started getting detached from a lot of things including relations. I had many toxic people around me who were draining me out. I was able to start dealing with them neutrally. The extremity of anger, fear and all other emotions started getting dissolved.
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As of today
I feel it has been a very long journey for me to reach where I am today. A balanced person taking each day as it comes, not much of reaction to anything. Over a period of time I also see that I have become a loner and I feel it is good for me to be in my own space and mind my own business not getting too much into anyone's space or allowing other's to get into my space. I do not like to talk much all the time. I like quietness around me, I am calm most of the times and in control. I do enjoy being with friends and family but just to a point, I would like to be left alone most of the time in my space. I still do have some limitations that I need to overcome. I get quiet when in a group, somewhere my confidence gets a little shaken up, then there are times when I still get a little hyper over certain things like if someone behaves messy at my place. Living alone for sometime, I have kind of become very particular about lot of things like cleanliness and orderliness at home, and when people behave shabby at my place then I feel a little irritated but I try not to explode and stay as calm as possible. Other thing I cannot stand is wastage of food. When people do that I feel very agitated with them. I have stopped reacting to the people but it keeps running on my mind. These are some of the flaws I still need to overcome and get control over it. Overall this journey has made me a very optimistic person from a total pessimist.
That's how I have evolved and I believe almost everyone goes through this journey with a period of time. When I look back I could see the progression and slippages time to time based on my surroundings.I am completely a different person today then what I used to be even 10 years back, At some point of time in life you feel it is just more then enough and you want to get quiet and still as much as possible.
Thank you @eco-alex for bringing this up as a question and allowing me to express. When I started writing this I could feel a lot of emotions surfacing up from the past and I am sure many will feel the same with this reflection.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
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