I have been waiting to share my story. Waiting on pins and needles. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the next intrusion.
That is what this agency does. Bully their way into your home, threatening court action when you disagree with anything they are forcing upon you. Fear. Coercion. Violence.
It has been 63 days since their last face to face "visit" in my home.
I am writing this to bring HOPE. I will share more in each blog. Please, grab a tea, come sit as I share my story.
Just a few days before Christmas, 2 police snowmobiles with 3 passengers came up my laneway. (2km into the bush) My first concern was that someone I knew was hurt. Then one introduced herself as a case worker for CPS. (Wearing a police jacket)
I panicked. I know you all know how the story goes. Needing to see my home, talk to my daughter, observe my surroundings, etc. Foolishly I let them in. It was -45°c, and to be honest I was extremely overwhelmed, scared, and very anxious.
When I walked in, with 3 people (2 armed with guns), the look on my daughters face was of terror. She was scared and ran up to her room. We live in a tiny home, so she could hear everything. I was informed the police were there only to give the worker a ride out.
As the questions started, the police were just as interrogating as the worker. Even asking me if there was mental illness in my family?
After answering all their questions, I was told that I needed to do dishes and sweep my floor, possibly move my woodstove 4", she would be back in 2 weeks to make sure it was done and the file would be closed. The claims that were called in, were no longer a concern. ( CPS visited 2 years ago, closed the case after the initial visit. Deemed it a malicious complaint.) I had no reason to believe this would be any different.
After they left, we sat on the floor and cried. I tried to explain to my daughter what had just happened, while still trying to comprehend it myself. She was terrified. Asked if they were going to take her away. Asked why people can't let us just be happy. Asked why they had guns because we aren't bad people.
We live off grid peacefully. We homeschool peacefully. We are very connected to mother earth. This was such a violation to the core of our being. To our way of life. These very things seem to make us a target. People fear what they don't understand. Many emotions come to the surface. Self doubt, hurt, anger, mistrust (who would do this to us???) Why do people not come forward with concerns and talk to me about it? Why hide behind CPS? My head spinning trying to be strong for my daughter, while crying inside, feeling broken to my core. My eyes still leak, as I write this. For those that know me, I am a momma bear. I will protect my babies. I am strong. It takes alot to bring me to my knees. CPS is merciless, immoral, violent, manipulative, and cruel. The very definition of evil. The very thing we need to protect our children from.
Still shaking, I reached out to a very dear friend to help me comprehend what just happened. How to navigate through this peacefully. This is where it gets very scarey for me. This is where I took the leap of faith. This is where I walk my talk. This is where it gets very real.
The line in the sand.
I decided to take a stand of PEACE.
I called CPS after Christmas, when they were open. I asked for the information she didn't provide, like her ID, the police officers information, the actual complaints, etc. Then I informed her that she was not to come back. I would email her pictures of my dishes done, and my floor swept. (She refused her email, and I didn't get all the information I asked for). She was not interested in resolving this, but was set on the protocol of bullying, fear, and threats.
I thought I was handling this correctly, and will share the mistakes I made in future blogs.
I told her that there was no harm to my daughter, they had no base, and it needed to be closed. The call ended. I suspected that they would still show up in a couple weeks anyways. I was getting prepared.
THE NEXT DAY she showed up, with armed police in tow. I was not expecting them. I was going back into panic mode. Scared, anxious. My daughter was already upstairs terrified. (Everytime she hears snow mobiles coming, she panics, stops what she is doing and goes to her space)
The police brought us oranges and a loaf of bread. She brought paperwork for me to sign. This was the pivotal moment. I refused to sign anything. CPS had made a "safety plan". That was not properly filled out. I also refused to sign the medical release form. I told her I didn't trust her. I asked what her plan of attack was, and she said she was going to talk to her supervisor for direction, and was going to close the file.
So, I waited. And waited. 21 days passed, 30 days passed. Nothing. I called her. I told her I had not received anything. That is when she informed me that she was applying for a 15 day extension. That the 45 days was coming to a close. I asked her what the extension was for.
-I am glad you are sitting down.- They were now asking me to have her tested for being developmentally delayed. The phone conversion did not go well, because I refused. I was then told she would take it to a judge, to have them decide. (Forcing me to have her tested, and have CPS monitor my daughters progression). She gave me 3 days to comply.
I was shaking, scared to death to stand my ground. I told her I was seeking council. In my head, i was trying to think rationally, I needed time to think as she kept applying more and more pressure for me to give in. She advised me it was a good idea, and even gave me a number of lawyer!
I again called my mentor, a good friend @wwf, and told him how this had digressed. I asked him to help me take a stand. To help me maintain peace. He agreed to help, and that is what I did!
I sent a registered letter, enclosing support letters. More importantly, I gave my daughter a voice. I will share these details in my next blog.
I received an interesting voice mail the day after the letter was signed for. The original worker was suddenly off for 21 days, and they wanted to talk about the registered letter I sent. I did not call back. I have heard nothing since.
NOTHING. SILENCE.
There is peace and hope! This can be done in the very systems that govern through violence, coercion, fear, anger and abuse.
We can give our sons and daughters a voice. We can stand peacefully.
Please take the time to read these blogs.
I will share more about them in my next posts.
@wwf/confronting-authority-peacefully-takes-a-lot-of-courage-and-faith
@wwf/healing-despite-a-life-time-of-authority-induced-traumatic-stress
Thank you for reading. It is my hope that this helps anyone in this situation. I am now looking forward to sharing more of my story. How I accomplished peace, how we are working through the damage caused. Our children need to be heard.
