Running away, feeling like a throw away, I was just trying to protect myself.

In my last piece with the familyprotection tag,I talked about running away from the Youth Service Bureau. I want to make it clear that though it worked out alright for me, it was very dangerous and not a safe thing to do. But at the time it felt safer than feeling like I was being abused and punished for being harmed. It didn’t feel right to me and all I wanted was to feel safe and wanted justice.

This time I want to talk about what it was like being a run away.

How sometimes I did feel safer than being at home or in an abusive placement. But there were other times things were scary. Or people would resort even resort to blackmail, trying to take advantage of a teenager. It is amazing how 20+ years can give you perspective on things. At this point I had yet to experience the dark side of adults trying to take advantage of run away children. And wouldn't through out this part of the story. That will come later on.

The first two times I ran away from home I was with a friend, the same friend both times. The third time I ran away, I took off from a bad foster home, made my way to my parents house and they took me downtown the next day to turn myself in. It is how I ended up in the YSB. I hoped for a safe place but the isolation room was too much for me.

So I ran away.

It was the first time I had ever took off by myself and I had no plan what so ever. I happen to run into one of my sisters friends and her little sister was on the run too and her family was hiding her out and they allowed me to stay. We were little outlaws hiding from the law. Both wanted for running away from our placement centers. Where my parents would make me turn myself in, her parents help hide her out.

I didn’t want to worry my parents so I decided to turn myself in, figured there was no way they would put me back in the YSB after taking off, thought they would put me in detention then maybe back to the Delaware County Children’s Home. The police took me right back to the YSB. Where I spent any time I was not in school in the isolation room.

After 3 weeks or so of being isolated every day.

I made my plan. One night I gather some stuff in a back pack and I pulled the fire alarm so the doors would automatically open. And as soon as the door popped unlocked I was out the door and down the alley over a couple of roads and through the land of the school and into the nearby woods, before anyone knew what was happening.

The YSB this location closed years ago

The route I took

The woods I hideout in and camped in

I eventually went back to my sister’s friends family house as I knew I could hang there and be safe.

We had a hiding place just in case the place got raided even. Then after about 3 weeks and all kinds of people coming in and out somehow the police got a tip. I sometimes gets feelings I can’t explained but in that house the back windows upstairs was boarded up and one of the cousins was going to knock the board loose so we could peak out the back upstairs window. When I said to the other girl that was on the run Stand back just in case the police are out there.

What we didn’t know was they were about to raid the place looking for us.

Mainly because they heard I was there. As soon as he knocked the piece of wood out we could see a line of cop cars in the alley. We ran to our hiding place under the stairs. There was a small crawl space that both of us could fit in, it had a stainless steel sheet over the opening, looking like it was a continuation of the houses duct work. We got the sheet into place as the police knocked on the door with their warrant. We could hear them say they had a warrant looking for me and the other girl.

We stayed in that space for about an hour as they searched the house from top to bottom.

The police even came into the closet and shined his light up at the stainless steel sheet, We held our breathe sure we were going to be caught and after a few seconds he left and went onto another part of the house. We were concealed and after about 60 minutes or so the police left but we stayed in that little crawl space for 12 hours before we came down. Her parents told us we both had to go, so we went camping in the woods, meaning we took some black trash bags and found some railroad ties to make shelter. It was in the middle of winter, that shelter was actually pretty warm. The next day her parents arranged to take her to Tennessee to family and I was left on my own.

This is where I ended up meeting Smurf.

No not the blue tiny creatures but a gentle kind man who knew where the street children hung out and would bring out sandwiches to the street kids. He would also let us know if we needed a safe place to use the bathroom we could stop by. We couldn’t stay, but we could use the restroom and clean up. Smurf to this day is very special to me and has grown into one of my best friends. He never tried to manipulate or abuse anyone. He just knew what it was like from his own life. And it was his way to help those who needed help but didn’t or couldn’t trust the system. He is the reason I didn't go hungry.

My friend Smurf

I spent a week in the woods.

I have a wicked imagination and one night I kind of scared myself. I don’t know it might not have been my imagination, but I felt like I wasn’t alone out there for the first time, I felt like if I stayed that I would be in danger. At this point I reacted completely on instinct. I wondered around till I was so cold and tired, I finally went to a pay phone and dialed 911 and told them where I was at.

I was taken to the detention center that night

The next day put into the Delaware County Children’s Home. I was delighted, as my first experience there was fairly positive my first time there. What I didn’t know is there was some big changes coming as they decided the old building needed to be replaced and it was being replaced by the Youth Opportunity Center. Sounds like a promising place right?

The intentions was good, and still are good.

But the oversight and vetting of employees have left children including myself open to physical abuse. The program in theory can be helpful to young people in crisis weather they have home problems or are causing problems, but at least in the beginning their vetting process allowed me and many others to be abused. In the next part of my story I will address how the switch changed things.

I want to say once again I got lucky nothing too bad happened to me while on the run. I do not suggest running away to anyone. It is dangerous.

For me though at the time I believed I could protect myself better than anyone else could. I was stubborn and it took a while to realize I could actually count on more people than I thought at the time I could. I was still years away from really understanding that. I know now how lucky I was nothing horrible happened to me.

You can find the last part here @tecnosgirl/going-back-into-state-custody-for-the-second-time