Friday night I was out with friends and I found myself attracted to this girl that I could barely muster up the courage to talk to. When I finally approached her and her friend I was so embarrassed by my botched introduction that I couldn't even interact on a remotely charming level.
So Sunday night, before I went out for New Year's Eve, I resolved to do things differently. I decided to invite embarrassment in, to let it be my ally instead of my enemy. That way, if it strikes, I will feel like I'm in the presence of a friend instead of paralyzed by an emotion I don't know how to handle.
I had done the same thing with fear a few months back. I decided to start inviting it in before I was afraid so that I wouldn't be scared to do something outside my comfort zone. I noticed that the moment I invited fear in I felt this incredible stability. I was no longer trying to not be afraid. I was completely free to be me.
I got to the bar my roommate bartends at a little before midnight, but all my friends were at a show and hadn't arrived yet. I walked around and realized I didn't know anyone there. So I stood in the middle of the bar and remembered what I'd resolved to do earlier.
I invited in embarrassment. I invited in being alone. I invited in being OK right where I was.
When midnight struck I toasted myself with the free champagne, but I didn't feel alone, I felt like I was there for myself. I felt like this was a victory, not an embarrassment, because I didn't act like the circumstances were more powerful than my desire to feel good, or beat myself up for not manifesting something better.
After midnight my roommate texted me to say he was going to be checking IDs at the door for the next hour, so I went up to hang with him. I told him I was this close to resorting to kindergarten level social skills and just going up to people and saying, "Do you want to be my friend?"
He graciously introduced me to a few regulars and I felt a little more at home. I started to slip into my natural personality.
Then a random girl was leaving the bar and said something fun to her friend. I instantly belted out a fun response. She stopped in her tracks, smiled wide, and said something along the lines of, "What's your story? I want to know if you're someone I want to put in my phone before I leave."
Friendly banter ensued. It turns out that I come across as incredibly charming and confident when my goal is simply to enjoy the moment instead of trying to figure out how to get a girl to like me. She decided to stay for a while.
We flirted, got to know each other a little, and really hit it off. We ended up spending the next three hours telling life stories and making out. Then we shot some pool, hung out with friends as they arrived, and made out some more. It was a fantastic way to ring in the new year.
I felt like a completely different person than the Friday version of myself who felt too embarrassed to even try. But maybe that's the whole point of being embarrassed.
What if embarrassment is a signal to stop trying? What if it's an indicator that says, "You're focused on this in all the wrong ways. Life isn't an objective, it's just this moment."
That's when I stumbled upon this incredible truth: You're only embarrassed because you believe you're supposed to be someone other than exactly who you are.
If I feel like I'm supposed to be good at meeting new people, I don't give myself room to grow better. I just chastise myself for every mistake.
If I feel like I'm supposed be confident even when I'm not, I don't give myself space to be authentic. I just put on a display of who I think I'm supposed to be.
If I feel like I'm supposed to have it all together, I don't give myself time to discover who I am. I just pressure myself to reach unrealistic goals.
Life is so much more than the things we think we're supposed to aspire to. When you embrace where you are you're able to spot opportunities that match what you're ready for, because you're not too busy wishing you were somewhere else. And when you build upon those opportunities, you experience a natural progression, free from the strife and stress we subject ourselves to when we try to dictate every detail of our lives.
Life is supposed to be fun. Sometimes we forget that in our pursuit of more or better. But that's OK. Because every time we slip and fall, we get to decide who we want to be when we pick ourselves back up again.
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