What is holding me back from feeling more free?
In a phrase: The story of myself I tell myself.
This morning after meditation and chanting, Ini and I got to talking. Slow Sunday mornings are a favorite time to unfurl like a new leaf coming out to the warmth of spring's gentler breezes. I had just finished snuggling with the cats (both had climbed into my arms- what a fantastic surprise!).
The conversation was sparked by a thought that had come to me during meditation:
What if I let go of the idea of myself
and let myself emerge?
Rising from the core of this question is an awareness of me holding myself back based on the ideas I have about myself. I wondered at these truths that:
- The person I was in a certain period of my life is not the person I am today.
- Attachment to a certain story or identity keeps me from letting myself be who I am (growing into or an aspect of self that is wanting to manifest).
These bring up different questions:
- As it's impossible to be the person I was in the past, how is the "person I am today" wanting to express herself differently? Are my ideas of myself limiting me in any way?
- If so, what are some aspects of self that want to be expressed that perhaps I've cancelled out as possibilities or haven't even thought of yet?
Every now and again it is good to reflect on the ways I have become rigid or self-limiting. It's worthwhile to air out those places, see if they're like clothes that are no longer fit for dancing, and prod myself for new ways of being I may like to explore.
(By Canadian Artist Morgan Wallace)
As Pema Chodron writes,
“We insist on being Someone, with a capital S. We get security from defining ourselves as worthless or worthy, superior or inferior. We waste precious time exaggerating or romanticizing or belittling ourselves with a complacent surety that yes, that’s who we are. We mistake the openness of our being—the inherent wonder and surprise of each moment—for a solid, irrefutable self. Because of this misunderstanding, we suffer.”
(The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times)
The story of identity keeps us trapped in a past reality.
The thoughts of who we are tie us to a place and time that no longer exists.
The self that is seeking the light of day may be trapped because of thoughts. We can call these limiting because they’re tied to an existing idea. Let the unlimited potential of what you could be soar.
Live your life as an experiment
Takeaways from my reflections:
- Leave space for aspects you haven’t seen to come forth.
- Let go of ideas of who you are to see who you really are.
- Leave it open, let it flow, release your ties to judgement.
(source)