artwork by @ruth-girl
This post is an entry to @himal ‘s Health-Contest #2 Health Awareness on Steemit
The big black dog. Funny how people call depression. A dog is supposed to be a man’s best friend, depression becomes your worst enemy. No word-games are going to ease it when it comes for you and no one will be able to help you if you don’t find that sparkle of hope and strength inside you to stand up and claim your life back.
So, my encounter with the dog…I guess I’ll leave it for some other time. In this post I’d like to talk to you about a woman I used to know, not in person but I knew her son. Now, let’s give this lady a name, let’s call her Alma (the beautiful latin word for soul).
Alma was an only child. Her parents, wealthy enough to provide her with the best education, entertainment and holidays. Been to school, got to learn French as a second language, took ballet classes and dressed herself in the latest fashion. The only problem was that her parents were quite overprotective, to an extent you could call them ruling. Her mother, whom she adored, was so controlling and managed skillfully to bind her daughter’s soul to her will. Despite all that, Alma seemed a pretty healthy child.
She finished school and got the chance to attend university. She wanted to be a Greek philologist, her parents pushed her to French, that seemed more appropriate. She wanted to study in another town, no universities where there in her hometown, her parents decided to sell their house and buy a new one in the city Alma would study, so they could all live together (they couldn’t bear the thought of their chained little dove flying away).
Alma graduated and wanted to pursue a master’s diploma, her parents thought of it as unnecessary. They sold their house and bought a new one back in their hometown, where they settled again. As time went by, Alma got engaged. Things seemed to work out pretty well until… Her fiance got a job opportunity in another town, 700km away. Her parents would not leave that heartless bastard take their daughter so far away! No! Her loving mother would not let that happen. So, the couple split up.
Alma found another guy, good job, good money, it was easy to like him. They got married, had a son, Alma put all her suppressed dreams and hopes on him. Worshipped him like a god and tried to use him as her little get-away from her oppressing environment. Oh! I hope you understood that Alma’s depression was growing stronger and stronger without her noticing.
The beginning of the end.
Alma was in her late-thirties, age was starting to show, no gym or beauty mask would do anything, even those bottox shots would wear off eventually. She came to realize that she wasn’t happy, married to a guy she was never crazy about, doing a job she never wished for, stuck doing handicrafts to fill her endless free time.
I’m not sure when she heard the first barking of the dog, but I’ve heard about incidents surreally sad. Alma stoned on her medication, sleeping in the living room, waking up to light a cigarette, falling asleep a few seconds later to wake up again and light another cigarette while the first one is setting fire to the couch she’s lying on. And this was one of the many times she sets the house on fire.
Her son once came back from school to find her in a pool of blood. Alma took too many pills, her vision was blurry, she slipped on a step and fell off the stairs. In her fall she knocked a big candlestick and the nail that’s supposed to hold the candle tore her thigh. Broken ribs and a few stitches didn’t help a lot, as she continued sinking herself into her misery.
Things got worse when her master (the ruling mother) was gone and Alma completely gave up. She let herself go, piles of dirty dishes in the kitchen, mountains of wet clothes from the washing machine were drying on the sofas, mold had already started to form inside them. She started smoking even more than the three packets she used to do every day, pills became a two-hour habit and resignation was complete.
Hopefully, one day Alma came to the realization that what she was doing was harming not just her, but the people who loved her, her husband and her son. So, she decided to seek help, as she had done quite a lot of times before, unsuccessfully, though. She didn’t think much of psychologists, having read about psychology for so many years, she knew exactly what the professionals would say and preferred to save herself from their anticipated views. But this time she showed some good will for the sake of the men of her life and she seemed to be doing well, at least that’s where I left her a couple of years ago.
Imagine the impact on her son, his mother’s depression for years drenching him to the bottoms of his soul ever since he was a little kid and he will always carry those wet drops of darkness inside him. I just hope he keeps them well-confined and well-hidden and lives a good life.
Depression, this vague and unexplainable burden, this sorrow that seems so self-destructive, yet so luring can destroy you. If you let it, it will devour you! If you don’t speak to someone you will lose yourself under its pressing load. Speak! Seek help! Don’t be afraid! Don’t be ashamed! And remember YOU are the one who can fight and win this battle!
Thank you for your time. I hope you didn’t find this post too boring or depressing. If you enjoy my content, you can follow my blog @ruth-girl.
You can check here the contest’s posts:
Post 1: @himal/steemit-health-contest-health-awareness-on-steemit-rewards-for-the-good-responses
Post 2: @himal/himal-health-contest-2-health-awareness-on-steemit-winners-of-the-last-contest-and-2nd-episode-of-the-contest
Until my next post:
Steem on people and keep smiling!