You are not good enough

You are not as smart as everyone else in this room. Your ideas are silly. Look how smart they look. You will look like a fool. Just sit there. The topic will flow better without your input. Let everyone else speak. Why do you want to dominate the conversation? They are so much better than you. ...

These are the gentle whispers of my demon.

I've been struggling to overcome that voice for most of my life. The good thing is that the more I learn to lean on Jesus the more I recognize that those ideas aren't my own. They truly are lies being told to me. The Holy Spirit has a voice too and can totally drown out the lies. My prayer is that now as I have become very aware of voice and the lie I can learn to turn to the voice of truth.

Public speaking terrifies me

Contributing to a group is difficult for me. Part of the fear is that I have, over time, trusted to believe the lies whispered to me when presented with opportunities to speak.

The camera is a tool for recognition and healing

As a YouTuber I've struggled with how I appear on camera. What is the image projected to my audience. Oh my gosh, I have an audience! What do they think? My production sucks, my story is stupid... Why am I even doing this YouTube thing?

I believe now that God has used the creation of videos and the telling of my story to reveal to me that I can trust in Him. Sometime around August 2016 I had a "turning point", a revelation, a realization. That is that I do not have to hold onto pride and perfection. I do not have to listen to the lies anymore. It's still a struggle, but I'm aware now. Perfection never was achieved, but there was this idea that if I didn't push for it I was a failure. The quest for perfection only made me frustrated and angry. My family suffered for this. Praise God that now, I can let that go and learn more and more every day to lean on Jesus. I can learn to reflect his image rather than somehow creating a perfect "me" on my own.