It's hard to explain life, and what really matters to us. We often find ourselves failing at words to express what it is we want, or what it is we feel. In these complex dimensions where thoughts, emotions, and body all have a story to tell (sometimes, things we need to keep confidential) we find ourselves preferring silence.
It is best that some things go unsaid until we have had a chance to process it, or to simply let the storm pass. It is hard to find much comfort in anyone's company at this time as people often want to talk, explain, find a solution or worse retribution.
But there are some who can "feel" and "know" beyond words, empathy is enough. Especially a silent one, more often than not, these complex dimensions do not require a soliloquy to capture it's essence.
For those senstives, with high emotional intelligence and awareness, it comes with ease.
But what about those who wish to help, but are rudely brushed off when all you're doing is trying to help? Those ranking a little less on the sensitivity scale?
Here's a few things to remember that might help.
Sometimes, it really isn't about us. It is OK to walk away.
Not everything requires a response. It's OK to walk away.
Listening is NOT:
- preparing an answer whilst another is talking.
- trying to find a solution whilst listening
- it also works when the other is silent.... listening to one's silence is just as important
In our eagerness to help, or wanting to find quick fix, we forget to be human. Sure....it takes a little TIME to make those human connections. Time we sometimes find ourselves saying, we can not afford - and if that's how we feel, it would be a good time to make a call on whether we want to make our presence worthwhile, or leave with a kind exit.
Life is full of choices. We are not required to engage in everything around us. It takes a few seconds or minutes to go within and intuit our next step. It may just save everyone some unnecessary stress.
My mother always said, silence is golden and if you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all. Still works like a charm, regardless on whichever side we find ourselves in ;) #notetoself #silenceisgolden
P.S. (26/5/2018): It was brought to my attention by @damianjayclay, that this quote that is often attributed to Einstein has a different origin. So let me apologise here, for this and an earlier post, for this mistake. Apparently it should be attributed to Bruce Cameron as noted in Quote Investigator with excerpt below.
Quote Investigator: QI suggests crediting William Bruce Cameron instead of Albert Einstein. Cameron’s 1963 text “Informal Sociology: A Casual Introduction to Sociological Thinking” contained the following passage. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI: 1
It would be nice if all of the data which sociologists require could be enumerated because then we could run them through IBM machines and draw charts as the economists do. However, not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
There are several books that attribute the quote to Cameron and cite this 1963 book. QI was unable to find earlier instances of the saying. Researcher John Baker identified this citation.