We are living in a very competitive world where there is a rat race going on all the time whether it is about social status or power or financial status or be it our Children. In all of this sometimes we forget to do the very right things for our children. Most of the parents try to give everything that their child demands or even if they do not demand parents try to give extra what is not required for them and may not be suitable for their age. For e.g. a parent thinks that giving a mobile phone to a child who is just around 10 years is the right thing but in reality it may not be required. 25 years back children did almost everything without a mobile phone. They went to school, for tutions or for play time everything without a mobile phone so it means it is not a necessity unless we want to make it one with our perceived thoughts.
A Doctor friend of mine was discussing on this topic with me and she mentioned that this is a type of a disorder known as "Parent Induced Wastefulness" (PIW).
When the parents behave in this manner they least realize that they are sowing seeds for their Children instability and laziness, making them prone to easy life and not giving them chance to go through different experiences of life which help to gain maturity. The tolerance level in the youngsters is getting lesser and lesser. The value for money is least appreciated and when they are faced with adverse situations of life that is where they become incapable of handling such situations resulting into depression and stress.
We come across cases where the child loses interest in studies and this is not because that the child has developed some other passion but it is just out of sheer laziness to study, and when parents encourage such behavior they are pushing them more towards an unhealthy future in every way. Parents give their self defense excuses like I do not want my child to feel stressed or some parents even have the fear that if they push their children there is a possibility they will lose them if the child decides to leave the house. There are times when the parent needs to be firm on certain decisions for the betterment of their child.
Let me give you one e.g. of one lady who was visiting me for sessions. Their 23 year old son was all the time into playing video games, he had finished his basic education but did not want to take up anything else after that, neither any further studies or a Job or do something of his own interest. The parents are financially very well off so they did not bother much and kept on supporting their son for a very long time. The gaming addiction got very strong with the boy and he had almost confined himself at home with his computer. The Parents and the Boy were living in different cities so they were unaware of what was happening. The boy started withdrawing himself from everyone and everything gradually and started getting into depression. Sadly when the parents realized all of this it was kind of late and the much sadder part was that within 5 years of all of this the Boy passed away. The stress and depression had created multiple problems in the body.
Now many will say that after a certain age parents do not have control over their children, specially once they cross 18. But I personally feel that till the age of 24 to 25 children need hand holding, there are too many external factors that they get carried away with, and if we see that anything external is effecting the quality of their life it becomes important to intervene and if required take some stern steps.
So when we read all of this, most of us think we are doing the right things for our children and this may not be applicable to me but there are many and many out there who are dealing with these types of issues and the real culprits are the parents then the children. Parents sometimes get overprotective or over careless for their children and both the situations are not good for the Children. Getting a right balance is very important in their upbringing.
The tolerance towards marriages is one another issue that we see. Partners are not able to adjust with each other because they have never learned to adjust under difficult situations in life. If life has been on platter for them it is very challenging to even have something sharing with another person around. Doing housework and the normal chores of life also becomes challenging and creating conflict between the couples.
When I was working as an HR in my job I used to come across many youngsters who I would see would absolutely have zero capabilities to work under pressure. If there would be a little discomfort the very first thought they would get is quit the job. There was never a thought of work around the problem.
Parents do not realize that their children have to spend a lifetime living in all the different situations and dealing with all the different type of people. The seeds that are sown in childhood would go a long way with the child and if it is not done in the right manner it will bring a lot of discomfort for the child in future. Being Loving and affectionate is one part of parenthood but inculcating the right values and behavior in the child is one very important role that a parent has to play. They need to be prepared for the adversities of life, they have to live in this very world and need to be emotionally and mentally strong enough. They need to learn the NO in life, need to value the importance of Money, Relationships, Work, Studies and be ready to face Life.
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