Recently I read the post written by @onetree, and it resonated in me. This post was about how difficult it is to be a parent, to make decisions and to make mistakes. At least I've got it that way. So I wanted to write on this topic and here are my thoughts.
What I write here is just my findings. When my son was a year and a half, he was on the verge of life and death because of illness. And I had to make decisions. It was a real challenge. So what I write here is not just a book of philosophy or some theory knowledge. That's how I understood my experience and this wonderful world, which sometimes seems pretty tough.
Mistakes.
“If you make a mistake and do not correct it, this is called a mistake.”
― Confucius
So we all make mistakes though we don’t want that. But we are doomed to fail. As a result, we go through a painful experience, which will either transform us into a new quality, or remain in our memory as a trauma, that will prevent us from being happy.
I believe that mistakes do not exist from the absolute perspective, because the main mistake is the refusal to learn a lesson that destiny teaches you.
Every situation is a lesson and every person is a teacher.
“Each mistake teaches you something new about yourself. There is no failure, remember, except in no longer trying. It is the courage to continue that counts.”
― Chris Bradford, The Way of the Sword
In fact, the teacher is Supreme, or we can say that the teacher is the Universe. Anyway, we are in the school of life, where we can and must learn every day, every hour, every moment.
Any situation is like food: it nourishes the body if it has been fully digested. If food remains undigested, it turns into a poison and intoxicates the body. Yes, it may sound a bit unusual, but there is no bad food, - only poor digestion.
Even digested spikes are a nectar, while undigested mango is poison.
If the person “digests” the situation, he becomes happier and wiser. If he fails to do so, he is poisoned and gets angry, gloomy, tense and skeptical. In other words, he is filled with negative emotions because of his rejection of reality.
There are no "bad" situations from this point of view. As there is no "bad" food. All that can be digested nourishes us. This means that there are no bad food and situations, but only a weak digestion.
We all make big and small mistakes. But being a parent is a special responsibility. And I think I can mostly understand the feelings of @onetree, perhaps because I am a father myself. Though my son is still little, but I'm already thinking about the school that would fit him.
My own record of education seems very contradictory. On one hand, I received a rather prestigious education. But from another side, I believe academic studies to be rather outdated. Classic recipe: "Get a good education and a good job" is clearly no longer working. The labor market has become global which means, that now you are competing not only with the guys from your city, but also with the whole world. The global financial system, based on the dollar, causes more issues with each passing day. Robots take over all sorts of professions that were popular in the "industrial society".
In other words, every sane parent asks a logical question: "What and how to teach my child? Where to find a school that would give him really valuable knowledge and skills, and would form his righteous character?"
Painful perfectionism.
“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.”
― Michael Law
I’d like to return to our subject of mistakes and continue my thought. As for me, human implies both body and soul. And very often what is pleasant for the body, is bad for the soul and vice versa. Considering things in this light, I believe that whatever happens in the world, helps our soul to manifest itself and flourish. And, in my opinion, this is the meaning of life. Our spiritual side should be more apparent and open up like a flower bud. But for this we should pass through tests and temptations, inevitably making mistakes.
Usually we call a mistake that state, which causes pain and discomfort to the body. However, same thing often gives us the opportunity to reveal our soul. This does not mean that one should look for discomfort, as the Universe will make it happen. But the one who is able to respond with love to bodily discomfort, can rightly be called human. However, the one who reacts with anger and grudge to pain, unfortunately, is an animal-like, who always reacts in only one way.
Discipleship.
“In life, there are no mistakes, only lessons.”
― Vic Johnson, Day by Day with James Allen
There are no mistakes for a true disciple and there are only lessons for a student, some of them learned others yet to be. But learning is always hard. Study is almost always associated with difficulties and discomfort. However, the joy of transformation makes up for the energy spent on overcoming difficulties of learning.
I admit, I almost always was a perfectionist. That is, I reacted badly to mistakes. I remember as a kid in art class, I tore leaves from the album, if drawing was not perfect. As soon as I saw that I couldn’t draw a perfect duck or horse, I would immediately pull out the sheet, throw it and start again. This was more evident when I played computer games: when I couldn't easily pass any level of the game, I turned it off and started anew.
Perfectionism is very dangerous.
In fact, it means that you demand too much from reality, you want to change the world and bend it to your will. And this desire almost always turns into aggression towards the world, and it always responds to it.
Mistake persists as long as you demand the reality to fulfill your perfect plan. But as soon as you realize that it is foolish and dangerous to dictate the Universe, mistakes become lessons, tips and loving advices. Yes, the Universe loves us as a Mother. And you can see and feel it if you give up the idea of perfectionism.
After all, pain is only a signal.
Moreover, this signal is extremely valuable. Imagine there is no more pain. You wouldn't feel burn if you carelessly touch the hot iron. This way we’d easily damage our healthy bodies. Therefore, pain carries a very positive meaning. Pain helps us, teaches and shows us where we went wrong. That’s why the so-called mistakes, associated with the pain, are also good for us.
Yes, mistakes and pain are synonymous. Without the pain there is no mistake. And if there is one, so be sure you’ve done something wrong. And pain, and mistakes help us to change and reveal the potential that is hidden in our soul.
And it is impossible to learn without making mistakes.
If I don't make mistakes, then I’ve learned already. If I'm learning, I'm bound to make mistakes. Definitely. There is no other way. Mistakes will stay. But if I learn consciously, I'm not going to worry about it, but I’d rather concentrate on how to fix these mistakes and how not to commit them again.
When the Buddha was asked how he attained perfection, he answered: "I never make the same mistake twice." In other words, he never ceased to learn. He was constantly in the state of the disciple. And, please note, that the pride cannot live in the heart of a student. You have nothing to be proud of while you learn, but once you have decided that you know it all and have reached perfection, here comes the pride to ruin everything that you achieved. A proud man, no matter how professional he is, looks extremely unattractive. But why is he proud? Because he stopped studying and imagined himself to be all-knowing teacher.
Closing thoughts.
A good teacher always remains a student, who is not afraid of mistakes, which are our friends and help us to become better. Mistakes don't scare us if we consciously choose a position of the disciple. If we want to look perfect and great in world’s eyes, then mistakes become our greatest enemies.
I write all this rather to myself, because this topic is quite sensitive for me. I've always tried to do everything properly and ideally. But I didn't understand back then what was the true ideal. I thought that the perfect external form was my ideal. But now I see clearly that the true ideal is a perfect content, that is the soul filled with love.
Gratitude.
Thank you, @onetree for sharing your experience which prompted me to look again at this important topic. Of course, I didn't solve this issue, but only partly touched it. Nevertheless I hope that our experience will be useful to all readers, especially to those who are or will become parents.
And special thanks to all those Steemians who are following my blog and thus giving me their valuable life time and attention. Every time I see you're voting for me, I want to somehow express my gratitude. And I'm just happy when I meet someone who appreciates what I write and how I write. I hope I can adequately respond to your love and support.
