On your first few dates, you think "This is the right person. Everything feels so right." This person looks perfect. Your friends told you, he's impolite but you're okay with it. Your mother told you he's not ready for relationship but you think he's ready.
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You are in the "In Love" stage.
In my opinion, there are 6 Stages in love relationship
- Meeting
- Getting to know each other
- In Love
- Reality Intrudes
- Real Love
- Life-long journey
The first 2 points are self-explanatory. You meet each other for the first time and start to know each other more and more. To the point that you think he's the right guy or she's the right woman for you. Then both of you start dating.
The In Love stage is where the illusion is casted. Everything seems to be perfect, both of you truly believe that you'll live happily ever after. Both of you intellectually agree that you will compromise differences, tolerate shortcomings, and love each other unconditionally.
You go to sleep thinking each other, you go to work daydreaming about each other, you eat together, play together, 99% of your time are spent with each other. According to the late American psychologist, Dr. Dorothy Tennov, this state is called "limerence". This stage will last around 6 months to 2 years. If you're in a secret affair, it'll last for 3 years.
What happens after In Love stage is Reality Intrudes stage. This is when reality sets in. What used to be little bumps are now mountains. Little by little the illusion evaporates and your mind is free from "In Love" effects. He wants to visit his parents, but she flatly rejects it. She wants him to clean the house, but he says he's too tired. He wants sex, but she doesn't want it. These will lead to fall out of love stage, and might end up in break-up or divorce.
Recognize that this is no longer In Love stage and start pursuing Real Love. A real love is loving someone out of reasons and choice, not by instincts. This requires act of will, discipline and recognizes the need for personal growth.
I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me.
It is your choice to spend time and energy doing something for your partner, knowing that what you're doing is enriching his/her life. This in turn, gives you a sense of satisfaction, that you're needed in their lives, and they appreciate your doings.
The good news is, this can be trained and developed. So long you've committed to make the choice to express your love to your partner, so long your relationship quality will improve, no matter at what stage.
The Life-long Journey is the committed life that both of you chose. You have decided to commit to, trust and back each other up. Your partner is someone you can always count on.
Can you pinpoint a time in your relationship where reality sets in? How did it affect you relationship, for better or worse?
This Relationship Tips series include practical how's and what's of speaking your partner's love language. If your partner's love language is Physical Touch and Quality Time, I will share firsthand experiences of what I've done and its results :)
Relationship Tips is one of my initiative to help people improve their relationship based on a book I was reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and my experiences.
Check out my series here:
Relationship Tips #1: Know Your Partner's Love Language Here!
Relationship Tips #2: How to keep the love tank full, or most of the time full?
I believe having a good relationship will carve a positive path in all areas of your life. This belief is backed up by an 80 year-old research by Harvard University.
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