When no one is watching it's more fun

Last night I really let loose.

It's been a long time since I turned the camera on myself. I haven't wanted to see what the lens was going to reveal. It's been a rough time. Trying to survive as an artist, trying to find work, the harsh apathetic nature of reality in general. How cold the people I meet seem to have gotten.

The hits never stop coming and it's hard to catch a breath. But, that's how life is. That's how the universe is. It is an immortal, immovable, ever fluctuating existence and I must live within the rules set up before me. Once you've seen the strings that hold everything up, you have to make a choice.

This was the first time I've shot in my new place. My old one had an amazing amount of room to shoot, whether it was in the makeshift living room studio, or in my bedroom. But, that was in the past. My space now is small, cramped, it almost pushes in on you.

I decided to use that energy and combine it with my own. I was ready for a release. There was so much pent up inside me that once I closed the door and started the music, something came to life. It was hard to focus at points. I wanted to run away. The feelings were too real, too present, almost too powerful. I hit my vape over, and over, and over again. Longing for mental release, all it did was bring me more into the present.

My realization was that no one is watching. No one really cares. And that's not a bad thing. It's rather freeing. I mean, if no one is sitting out there judging you, what's to stop you from taking things to the next level, in my own way? To try and circumvent those rules that I've come to hate so much... I mean, I get that there are people out there looking at this, reading this, wondering how crazy this person might be, but, it doesn't matter. Not really.

This is only one of a number of images I took and kept from the night. More will be coming out over the coming days. But, before I show them I need to organize, arrange, and bring my thoughts together. They are intensely personal and show what's going on in my head. And to me, that's scary.

So, for now, I hope you enjoy this image.

Michael

Shot on a Canon 5DMKIII with a Canon 50mm 1.8 using fluorescent no flicker bulbs.