Reactions and Impressions of the Written Exchange

The first man I ever loved and I shared a common communication fubar: the interpretation of aggression in a written exchange could easily spin either of us into defensive mode immediately. There was no wait. No chance of clarification.

It ultimately led to the demise of our relationship.

My friends recent article inspired me to delve into this, as this is an issue more common than you might imagine. @shawnawawna said it beautifully:

I believe many of us survivors share this common theme. Any of us who have lived through a difficult and emotional hardship or trauma. When we care so deeply for another and give our hearts, we unguard our defenses and open ourselves to that person completely. And when a perceived threat- such as an un-clarified text or cryptic facebook comment- triggers the garrisons of our already vulnerable fortress of self protection, the mental soldiers rush out with swords drawn, ready to ward against an attack. We are so used to carefully safeguarding our selves that it's an instinct.

Despite the abuses I have endured in my past, I remain an extremely compassionate and caring individual. If you have captured my attention, know that my loyalty is unwavering, and I hold you in high regard. I will do anything for the chosen I find worthy- if you have my time and my attention, you are already in my heart.

And even though I myself get defensive at perceived written threats, it hurts me when my words are not understood as anything but helpful and backed with my full heart of compassion.

Why are we ingrained to unconsciously put up our shields? For many of us, myself included, it's a matter of sheer survival.
Having been hurt by so many of the humans in my past that I trusted, experience leads my subconscious to believe it's only a matter of time with this one. I know people are inherently good, but hurt happens in interpersonal relationships even amongs nuns.

Again, Ego comes out to play with this one, too. Ego is the natural protector, the snarling Rottweiler that springs from its nap at any perceived threat. And, again, we must muzzle Ego if we are going to have healthy communication.

I prefer in person communication to thwart such dangerously perceived threats, however many times that is an impossibility. As I work on my word weaving so as to not leave doubt and intention questioned, I must also realize that no one can always choose words carefully in this fast paced world. So I must strive to keep Ego locked in the back room and ask for clarification to ensure I am perceiving the written exchange correctly.

Be mindful most of the time. But in a situation such as this- be mindless and pause. Don't let past pain neuter your current reality.

Cheers and Healthy Communications my friends :)

Images via Pixabay and Unsplash