I'm using Thursdays to kind of do my own version of therapy. The kind where I basically just write out my thoughts/feelings and experiences with life situations, because it helps me almost see it from a different perspective. Or maybe it just helps to get it out of my head for a minute. :)

So this article, I'm Sorry for all the Time My Depression and Anxiety Made me a Rubbish Friend popped up on my facebook memories from last year. I apparently still have "All The Feelings" about the topic!

I get that this is one person's opinion/life experience on the matter, but I see it all the time and I felt GUILTY AS HELL about it for decades. This is more of a "my personal life experience" rather than a commentary on the article. I suppose it just brought up all of my own issues with feeling like a shitty friend for pretty much my entire life in large part because I'm an introvert (and add to that an empath and it's even... well, more guilt inducing when I didn't know which end was up!)

So yeah, long before the internet and social media was even a thing, this was my own personal guilt trip.

Now with social media, I often see/hear people apologizing for not being a "good" friend, when what it seems like to me is that they aren't the kind of friend that society defines as a 'good friend'. I feel like I would have written this in my 20's and probably at least part of my 30's as well. Except for that ONE BFF that I always had (who was my roommate most of the time until I got married), I wished that I could be that social person for a long while.

I felt SO damn guilty for decades because I wasn't the type of 'friend' that I should be (even as far back as elementary school, I got tired of hanging out all the time, the visits or sleepovers that friends wanted to continue. I remember asking my mom to say that I was busy/grounded/had to do chores because I just wanted my friends to GO HOME.)

So... No. I'm tired of feeling like I should be apologizing for not being the type of friend who wants to hang out in person. For any reason. If its because of my depression or my anxiety, because I'm feeling too busy/over scheduled or just because I am not in the damn mood.

I'm tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for not showing up more, not wanting to stop by and visit, for not wanting to chat incessantly or because I would rather stay home than go out.

I think its awesome that there are friends out there who love to get together daily/weekly for coffee, cards or just a visit, but I'm just not the type. If I have to leave my house for ANY reason/length of time for 4 days in a row, you can damn well bet I'm going to be doing everything I can to stay home and not leave for anything for the next two. The most you're going to get out of me on a regular basis is a completely spontaneous "hey, you wanna hang out... tonight? Now? in 15 minutes?" And by regular basis, that most likely means once every 6 months or so.

I think its awesome that there are people out there who enjoy chatting all hours of the day about every type of thing that ever comes to mind. I am not one of them. I'm happy to chat if you need to talk/are having an issue, but the keeping up every day all day via private messages? Not my thing. A little goes a long way.

I think its great that there are people who enjoy talking on the phone for hours, even though I find the thought to be pretty damn abhorrent.

How about we stop trying to make introverts or anti-social people feel like they need to change so that other people are happier? Or worse, implying that we would be happier if we just got out more.

Some of us just stay home, share too much/too often/TMI stuff on places like facebook. For some of us, that is our social life (and some people manage to accomplish BOTH!). It isn't new, it isn't sad, and I know in MY case anyway, before the internet, I was just home alone (or with my kids/husband) a LOT. I read a lot. I listened to music a lot. I created a lot. That's just how I am.

The things I value most in a friend is that I know I can pick up with them pretty much any time and we're good. I can tell them whatever is on my mind and trust that they will share what is on their mind. I know that they won't be shocked by intimate details of my life and they will probably not judge me for being too bitchy when the hormones hit. And I will do the same for them. I think I'm pretty damn chill and can listen to just about any kind of TMI conversation and it's all good. If I have a dissenting opinion on choices you're making, I probably won't give my opinion unless you ask for it... and I'm not going to judge you because I disagree, either. (This is assuming that you're not causing someone else pain for no good reason).

Anyway, I could go on forever about this, but ironically enough, I have a gym date with my BFF and I'm forcing myself to leave the house because she needs me to workout with her... and the thing is, I need HER to workout with me, otherwise I won't leave the house. That's how it works for us.

I suppose another reason I have so few in person friends is because my kids are my friends and my husband is my friend. Once I get done hanging out with all five kids AND my husband, my social fuel tank is fairly empty. And that's okay, because at least for now, I get a lot of alone time to recharge... and write :)

ALL THAT BEING SAID, I also know that it can be exceedingly draining to be friends with someone who suffers from depression/anxiety when they need your help or want their help, but there is only so much you can do. I really REALLY understand. My husband and I both struggle with various emotional issues and we both get worn out from it! I'll be writing more on that topic very soon as we work through this most recent bout of hardcore "seasonal" depression that has kind of spread out into years instead of just a season... but that's for next time.

Right now I need to go work off some stress with the weights.

Thanks for reading! It's obviously not a simple topic and I know I didn't cover all of the spectrum in one blog post.

I'm curious about your thoughts and experiences.

Do you feel like you're an introvert? Extrovert? What do your friendships look like and how do you take care of your own mental/emotional health so that you don't wear yourself out?

Annnnd, I had to add one last photo, because this quote seemed perfect for this adorable photo that I got of Tiberius back during our boat life. We were in Hoffman's Cay and Tiberius was actually protecting this poor little crab (that our other dog kept trying to kill.) The crab kept trying to escape and Tiberius was RIGHT on top of him the entire time we were on the beach. A perfect illustration of an extrovert/introvert relationship :) Tiberius thought for sure he was protecting the crab and kept Cinnamon from killing it. The poor crab had to just think this monster was going to bug him to death.