The more I learn about different aspects of psychology, the more I start digging into all types of topics, including undercover psychopathy.
When you think of a person who has psychopathic behavioral issues, what do you see? Having crossed paths with a couple, I'll tell you what I've seen. These people, when described by people who thought they knew them, would be labeled as respectable, responsible, and likeable human beings, so that's what I saw.
On the surface, a psychopath I've met was a Navy senior chief that took care of his sailors. Ask anyone that worked with him and they'll have nothing but good things to say about him. So, when it was found out that he was abusing female sailors, it was a huge shock. No one knew I was one of them.
He called me in to his office regarding a barracks room issue. I will not go into gruesome details but I will go through my first incounter with his alter ego. It was just him and I in his office on the ship and it was a typical issue, no warning signs at all. It was just like a routine evaluation. After looking through my file, he discussed getting me a barracks room. I was pretty excited because sleeping on a shelf in the ship was cold and uncomfortable.
I remember after discussing this barracks room, he started asking me seemingly harmless questions. Something along the lines of, if I saw him in public would I hang out with him. I told him sure, it would be an honor to share a beer with him. I've heard nothing but good things about this guy. He started laughing and then the questions started getting uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.
I kept dodging the questions with answers that I felt were appropriate with our dynamics. This was a married man and long story short he wanted to fraternize with me without instigating it himself. At the point where he said something along the lines of "ok, I can't put it in words, it's gotta be you." I knew exactly what he wanted and started to feel my face flush and realized I was alone with a predator. I looked at the door and started wondering if it was locked or not.
He started to catch on that I wasn't going to give him the answer he wanted and tried to play it off. He said something like "congrats! You passed the test." I laughed nervously and don't remember much after that.
I will not go into detail about what happened following this encounter. I never told anyone. Even if I felt like talking about it, I buried it deep.
The following month or so, I learned about three other women he has attacked. Even at this point I said nothing because no one cared, they still saw him as an outstanding senior chief. Many of the men I served with who found out about what these women went through had strong opinions, saying things like "Fuck those whores, they should've kept their mouths shut. They ruined a perfectly good man's career."
So, that's where I left it. No one wanted to hear about it. There wasn't much support on the female side of things, either. These women were called names by fellow female sailors. Going as far as to say it was a set up. He had pictures of these females in compromising positions, in his office, without clothes. How is that a set up? I guess they could say such things because they've never seen this man's dark side. They've never been in my shoes.
Now, hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I reported his attack. Part of me blamed myself for the other attacks that transpired the following month. I feel like I didn't for selfish reasons. I've done everything I could to build respect amongst my shipmates especially the male ones because many still looked at the military as a man's job. I began by finishing my tasks faster and better than them. I carried as much or more weight than them. I did what other females would refuse to do, claiming they need "the right MAN for the right job."
Either way, none of that mattered because this incident ate me up alive and I slipped after that. I drank more, skated more(meaning I avoided tasks), and just kept going in a downward spiral.
What I hope you take away from this is that if you hear someone talk about being attacked, regardless of your opinion of them and their lifestyle, Psychopaths prey on anyone. From my observation this one in particular preyed on those who no one would believe or in other words were comfortable with their sexuality, or unliked, or just brand new to the ship and haven't built any reputation yet.
Also, in regards to psychopathic predators, it can be anyone. Not all Psychopaths display psychopathic behavior. Why would they? They want to build their reputation so if anyone says anything about them, they wouldn't be believed. "He did that? No way. How did it happen? What did you do?" This is what I hear a lot when someone comes forward. What did you do
By the way, if this sounds like something you've experienced, please feel free to talk to me about it. I'm always giving the disclaimer that I'm no professional but when it comes to these kinds of issues, reaching out to someone who can possibly relate and picking their brain on how to cope might do some good. And if your predator chooses other victims, remember, you are not the psychopath here.
I encourage talking about your experience because I believe the only solution is to shed light on those who hide in the darkness. If you broke a bone, would you keep it to yourself? Being attacked even just on an emotional level is just as damaging as physical harm. Don't let it fester.
If you or someone you know is struggling with strong emotions that gets in the way of everyday life, it wouldn't hurt to look into dialectal behavioral therapy as a possible solution. To get an idea of what DBT entails, I'll link a short video description of this practice below:
Also, I recently made a post about radical acceptance which can be reached through the practice if DBT. If you want to read about my experience, click here
A side note, not all psychopaths are predators or harmful. If you'd like to get a better understanding of what a psychopath is, I will link a video down below.
[All videos are not my own. I do not own any rights to these videos. Image sourced from pixabay.com]