Happy Monday Steemians!!
How has our week been? I think my post over the weekend has given you guys some sort of idea how mine has been. First off, Thank you for all of you that are following these posts. It does mean a lot to me. YES, I wish we had more conversation, but it's cool. Don't ever hesitate to ask questions or request that we cover subjects or processes. This is a completely Judgement FREE ZONE.
So let's cover personalization (LOL I guess spell checks don't like the word. Oh well) Little recap on what personalization is when you personally take responsibility for events or situations happening when it is usually something out of your control. May go to statement used to be and I still sometimes uses "That's right everything that's wrong in the world is my fault. So sorry I was born to ruin your life." Yeah the PSTD has kind of made Swiss cheese out of me. Well it feels that way. I'm sure some of you that read my posts probably do think I'm a bit crazy. I can attest, you get 99% me. Why only 99% that one percent is anger. We try to keep that anger locked in the box until we can deal with is safely. I'm not using the proverbial we here, I am meaning my therapist and I. So the wonderful combination of PTSD and depression, depending on the situation I fall back into old routines. One is to personalize just about everything. I get ultra sensitive when people talk about me. When my husband does a silly thing like tell me how to cook. My favorite lately, to get mad at me for sleeping during the day. So the little demon in my head pops out and says things like 'Well, excuse me if my sleeping is inconvenient for you, Let me get up to do the things that you want since my health is not important. Obviously, it's whatever makes you happy regardless of what it does to me" Another one that pops in is "Everybody hates me." "Nobody is willing to do anything when I can, but I'm expected to bend over backwards for them." "Why does everyone talk down to me, I'm not stupid." There is so much more but ultimately it comes down to 'everything is my fault' It's my fault the house isn't clean, its my fault the dishes aren't done, its my fault the electric bill it to high, it's my fault I didn't get enough sleep because the neighbors and the dogs kept me awake.
You can see where this is headed and you can kind of see where it comes from. So what on earth does this have to do with mindfulness??? Umm...everything? We fail to realize when we enter these negative cycles we have to BREAK them and change our thinking. Oh how I wish I could wave a wand or twitch my nose and be done with it. It doesn't work that way. It takes practices. The first thing, same as when we spoke about Fear, and Overthinking is you have to recognize it for what it is. Personalization is a major form negative self talk. When we recognize a negative cycle happen, what are we supposed to do? CHANGE OUR THINKING!! What are the steps to do that? We've talked about quite a few. Use the self soothing exercise, breathing exercises, reading, go for a walk, play a video game, watch a movie and so forth. With me, for me to break the cycle is I need to not think. I have to be actively using my mind. I usually turn to video games, because it is using my mind and my hands. Posting on Steemit has become a great help. Again, I am using my mind and my hands at the same time, to focus on thoughts completely different than the ones racing around in my brain.
As you've seen through some of my posts my mood is kind of off. I still share at that point. I am not afraid of a label or stigma that comes with my disease. My reason for that is while it does play a part in who and how I am, it does not define me. After many years I finally have come to that point. I can't control when a flashback happens, sometimes I can't even control my reactions during a flashback. I can control my thoughts about it afterwards and look for what happened to take steps for it not to happen again. With the depression and anxieties hit. I don't beat myself up that it happens. It's how my brain works now. I can to a point control how long it affects me and work to not let it take over.
So case in point of how the irrational brain works and trying not to personalize things. I am following someone because I like their content. This person had mentioned they liked mine and started following me. Right before I came on here to work on my post for Monday like I always do, I checked in on a few people and made a few comments. There were a few today that had written a poem or something inspirational and I had commented how beautiful it was. Shorter than a normal response post that I do. Since I try to make 'real' comments. Sometimes when things touch me the way this post did, I didn't know what else to say. Because, I was working on this post I have not gone back to respond to everyone right away. Then I get a comment on one of my posts saying that they appreciated my comment. I hope you see where I am going with this. I didn't do anything except mention it was beautiful (the picture/artwork) the saying it all was. With my brain functioning as it does, all I can think 'is great screwed something else up' I know I cannot control people and their actions, this is where I need to just walk away and continue with what I am doing.
As always I hope this has helped in some fashion. I hope everyone has a wonderful week. I'll try to check-in in between my weekly activities :)
Our previous Mindfulness Monday posts:
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5
Week 6
Week 7
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