I was in the yard today, doing some last minute chores in the cool, misty-wet afternoon, when I came across a honeybee on a dandelion. She was a sad looking little bee, all hunched over in the yellow petals, hunkered down in the cold and damp. Didn't appear to be having any fun at all. I went about my yardly business, but checked on her now and then whenever I wandered by in my duties. About the third time I passed by, she hadn't moved much, so I stopped, wondering if she was dead. Late fall, bad weather, a long year...no doubt she was getting to the end of her comparatively short life. I bent down to take a closer look.
She wasn't dead at all.
The little drone still looked pretty miserable in the damp, but to my surprise, she was busily eating away inside the dandelion. Sitting in one place, six fragile little legs splayed out among the petals, licking the nectar off everything in sight as fast as she could with her brown, pointy little bee tongue. There she was...approaching her last days on the planet...tired, cold, wet, miserable, yet stuffing her chubby little bee face as fast as she could.
That's how I want to go out.
Eating whatever I want, as much as I want, whenever I want. Which would be a lot of bad food, often. This could be done efficiently too. “I'm sorry sir, but you only have a paltry three weeks left to live”. No time to waste! ATM, supermarket, then on to the BigBox store to push around one of those orange, railroad flatcar shopping carts. Less selection, more VOLUME. Pack up the truck and head home.
Back at the house, unscrew the legs, take apart the dining room table, and re-assemble the thing at the end of the bed. Then shove the refrigerator from the kitchen, down the hall, around the corner, right next to the table at the same end of the bed. This is where I usually sit to watch TV, propped against the side wall, perpendicular to the business direction of the bed. Gather, plump and prop all the pillows and cushy blankets into a leisure nest against the wall, grab the Roku remote, fire up the 'Continuous Movie Channel', put on a splash bib, and smile. I love movies and I love to eat. I just try not to watch TOO many movies, and I try to eat well for my everyday health. That just went out the bedroom window faster than Mrs. Bee on a sunny afternoon.
Let's see…The Menu:
BREAKFAST: Chocolate Chip CherryChocolate muffins from the BigBox. (Pretty sure cherries are considered a healthful fruit on that pyramid.) Washed down with a huge mug of cocoa with about seventeen giant marshmallows, soppily melted all over the top.
LUNCH: Homemade pizza, with kalamata olives, mushrooms, feta, artichoke hearts, and extra sharp cheddar cheese. And Root Beer. Lots of Root Beer. High quality Root Beer. Not that sugar free or High Fructose Corn Syrup Root Beer...the good stuff, with real, old fashioned, everyday-bad-for-you-sugar in it.
DINNER: An even bigger homemade pizza, same ingredients. I suppose mundanity CAN become a bit of a bore...better add some sun dried tomatoes to shake things up. And some more Root Beer.
If I scrunch down my little cranial-audiofactors real hard, I can just about hear my Mother's classic voice of randomly dispensed wisdom, coming at me loud and clear over her coffee cup; “YOU CAN'T LIVE ON PIZZA, ROOT BEER, MUFFINS AND COCOA ALONE!” That imaginary voice is probably right. A little variety in life is a good thing. We'll add homemade chocolate chip, Toll House-style cookies to the menu, with ice-cold water to wash them down. For some reason I like my cookies with cold water. Plus Mom would be happy. Water is good for you.
Who can I find to bake about 7800 cookies a week for this endeavor? My sister would be a good choice. She uses way too much butter in hers, and they're flatter than a Maple leaf in the middle of a busy road after a good rain. And few things in life can compare. Plus, she'd probably do it for free. Just because you're 'going out', doesn't mean you shouldn't be thrifty. Pinching pennies means you can afford more Toll House ingredients.
I feel bad...it's not fair to ignore that freezer section atop the refridge at the end of the bed. Better fill it up. Häagen-Dazs Chocolate Sorbet by the pint, with a big old tablespoon to dollop it out. Cases of pints of the frozen stuff. By the gross. Hmm…freezer space could become an issue here. Might have to drag the chest freezer in from the garage for more storage capacity. Need the microwave on the “dining” table too, just to soften up those frozen pints. Makes it easier to dig out even bigger mouthfuls. Comes in handy too for heating up the BigBox breakfast muffins and those 'everyday cookies' to a mouthwatering goo. On second thought, a toaster oven does a better job on the breads. Makes them crispier. Better haul that in here too.
Uh oh, it's getting crowded in here. My bedroom just isn't that big. Better make some changes. How DOES that saying go? “If at first you find you don't fit into your world, grab the Sawzall and a longer, number 10 extension cord”. Not enough time to take out a few walls. Plan B. Off to the garage for some wood, less destructive power tools, a hammer and some nails. This dining-table-in-the-bedroom thing is just too short for necessary progress. Scootch it back to the dining area where it belongs.
Make a LONGER-legged table, that fits OVER and STRADDLES the chest freezer. Sort of a FreezerTable. Keep the refrigerator right where it is, next to my new, self designed, “ooh, I should patent this” Freeble. Microwave and pizza/muffin/cookie-warming toaster oven go back on the newly created table top. Oh good, just enough clearance to open the flip-top chest freezer below. Efficiency is the name, to this last-minute game. Plus, I need all that empty refrigerator space, I still gotta get out and buy my dessert items.
PS. She flew away
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