That year, the Noche Buena was different, it was simple but I noticed that all of us seem tensed in the house that night, myself included. I was already matured since I was already going to the University. I was already in my junior year at 17 and I still remember how sad and shy my Mom was when she was doing that exchanging food with the neighbors.
When the clock struck midnight that year, our table was full of food given by our neighbors but we barely touched them. I remember, going straight to bed that night and the next morning, I remember asking my Mom how they were and making an excuse I didn't really feel like eating.
Deep inside, I felt free ...from all the obligations that whole week before Noche Buena that was used to be attached to it. That was the very first Noche Buena night I could just hit the bed early and wake up fresh in the morning because I didn't have to wait till my tummy felt lighter so I could finally go to sleep which took till sometimes 2 or 4 am. I begged the heavens it goes on the same way year after year but I also was aware how painful that was for my Mom so somehow, I just kept it to myself.
For some reasons, money seems to follow my mother she can make them out of straw and just when my sisters and I think she's going to run out of it she gets more of it and the history of how Noche Buena was repeats itself during those days.
I guess, no matter how much life beats you to teach you a lesson that you don't have to put up a feast, buy an expensive gift or wear any fancy outfit for the Christmas Eve to prove that you are celebrating His birth .. if your folks, your ancestors and whoever else is in the bottom of your family tree have been doing all those rituals, it would be hard to scrape it off your skin .. perhaps, it was my parents' case.
Unfortunately, I was already a free bird flying and living on my own nest, I did not bother joining my family doing that extravagant frenzy after that sad Noche Buena we had and you know what, I'm still alive, never super broke during this season, nor stressed out nor upset nor embarrassed that I have nothing you can call a feast on my table or in the fridge to serve anyone because I don't believe that it can prove that you really are celebrating Christ's Birth .. the very reason that word Christmas exists.
No, this time I won't ask about what's waiting for you on your table now but I hope you won't mind if I leave you this message...
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