3 ... 2 ... 1... What now??

I woke up again this morning shortly after 3 am. I go to bed each night expecting to awaken at my regular time of around 4:30 or 5:00; even on the weekends. I imagine for some of you that time is an ungodly hour, but I simply love my mornings. It only takes looking at my phone to see the time to turn my brain on. Once on, I rarely can fall back asleep. It only takes a few seconds to notice a song playing in my head. This morning it was “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson. I love Christmas music so it does not surprise me that at this time of year I have a festive song playing. I grabbed my phone hoping to see the intended wake up time but it read 3:21 am. I inwardly groaned and simply laid there listening to my hubby sleep (I love that). I then remembered the time I woke up and thought of the numbers 3, 2, 1. It sounded like a countdown to me and I giggled a little at first. I almost sat up in bed! A countdown? To what? What or who was trying to get my attention? Since sleep was now an impossibility, I untangled myself from two of my sleeping cats, kissed my hubby’s forehead and got up.

I quietly tiptoed out of the bedroom and shuffled in my pajamas to the end of the house. I was headed to my favorite room and snuggled into my comfy chair. I promptly looked up Ms. Clarkson’s song on Itunes and downloaded it so it could play on repeat while I write. I am notorious for listening to songs on repeat. Once the tune started my focus shifted back to what the countdown could represent. It did not take long to correlate the countdown with the looming situation on my horizon. The proverbial elephant in the room: my financial status completely sucked. It had been on my mind a lot as of late. In fact, this is most peculiar financial predicament I have ever found myself in; unemployed with my benefits expiring shortly after Christmas. Sure there have been times in my life where there was more month at the end of my money, but finding or keeping a job was never the problem. Time to do some serious soul searching to get a sense of what happened. It did not take me long to discover the cause for this turmoil. It was the Law of Attraction. Somehow I broke it.

I was first introduced to the Law of Attraction back when the book The Secret debuted. I was hooked and bought the audio book and listened to it constantly, even when I was sleeping. The thought of drawing money to me with just my thoughts sounded awesome and exciting. I had a very infantile understanding of energy transmission and mind frequencies but believed there was validity in those theories. My financial situation at the time was strained so I definitely could have used a boost in income and hope. I tried to apply what I learned with affirmations and positive thinking all the while getting deeper and deeper into debt as it completely backfired.

So when years later my friend approached me again with another CD series explaining this law called Your Wish is Your Command, I was skeptical to say the least. I scoffed and said I’m still paying off what happened the last time. It took me over a year to listen to the material. I simply put him off for I had some positive turns in my life since then and I did not want to draw that experience back to me. Or at least that was my understanding at the time. My work was enjoyable and my relationship was the one I had hoped for. I had started a new life for myself. He assured me this would give me a deeper understanding into this law and explain what went wrong. Since I could never silence the little nagging voice in the back of my mind that I might have missed something, I decided to give it one more try. I told myself that I simply did not have to do a single thing but listen. Once I did, I was hooked. The realization hit me hard. It explained to me how I created all the negative situations in my life by my thought process. We create what we THINK about most of the time. My friend was right, I did have my answer. I was so excited to have finally found the path I needed. I started to apply what I learned and focused on what I wanted in my job and financially. A new mantra: Job fulfillment and more money. Job fulfillment and more money. Job fulfillment and more money.

A few days later I was fired. There was a weird energy in our office and the relationship I had with my manager went from being work friends to my being let go in a matter of weeks. My head was spinning. Are you kidding me? Is this Law of Attraction thing broken? How could I have screwed it up that bad? I was feeling the best I had felt in years! I finally felt hope. I was thinking my life could only get better from here. I was completely shaken and never thought this would happen to me. I was a good employee and did good work. I was seriously bummed.

I kept listening to the CD’s determined that somehow, someway I had to get this bloody law right! It is a LAW just like inertia and gravity are laws. You do not see everyday people screwing those up. I am not above the natural laws of this world. There must be something I was doing to create this mess. Generally the Law of Attraction is defined as the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life. So what you think about most of the time is what is brought to you. This becomes your reality. I thought I had placed all that positive thinking on trying to get more job fulfillment and money. So how could I get fired? Was I sending out the wrong request and the Law was granting it?

It was true that I was conflicted in my heart. There was a calling deep within my heart that I was to branch out on my own. I was to leave the rat race and make money from home by sharing my thoughts with the world. Preposterous! Even the thought of doing that would induce feelings of self criticism, judgment, and crippling fear. I quickly squashed those out there thoughts and focused on generating income the good old fashioned way - a job. Days, weeks and months went by with little luck. I went to all the classes that were recommended by State and even revamped my resume as per instructed. I even had a few promising interviews and still nothing. I had a stellar track record with temporary agencies before starting to listen to the CD’s so I thought I would try them again. There were a couple placements here and there but each time I was on the job my heart just fell. I really did not want to earn my money in this fashion, but I was trapped for I could not see any other viable or believable income source. I did not have any rich relatives and the lottery tickets I purchased were just costing me money. I found two part-time jobs: an animal shelter where we adopted our cats and one day a week at a local airline through my temp agency. They enabled us to stay afloat and get off my unemployment benefits. I did receive more job fulfillment working with the cats but I definitely did not get more money. Partial wish granted so it was back to the drawing board for me.

I finally had a small breakthrough and found a third part-time job that would give me enough hours to get medical/dental benefits and a wage comparable with what I was receiving before I was let go. I left the shelter and the temp agency for this position had potential to go full time in the new year. Finally my hubby and I could get away from this financial stress, especially with Christmas coming so soon. Funny how you can think you were strained financially before. Now you just wish you could go back to being that level of broke! I listened to the CD’s even more and thought for sure that I was on the right track. My first day was Halloween and I was excited to start. I got the go ahead from my boss to wear a costume so I showed up with something simple, fun and modest. It all went downhill from there. We completely did not get on the same wavelength and our communication faltered. I made mistakes that were not the typical ones for me and found myself let go again after eight days. I was completely devastated; what the *&^% was going on? I immediately sent a text to my cat shelter employer seeing if she had already filled my position and she just hired someone.

I came home and had a good cry. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I opened my computer and looked on the Indeed.com website for any new jobs, and out popped an amazing job. The description was written in such a way that I thought they were speaking directly to me! I quickly drafted the most confident cover letter I had ever written and sent it in with my resume. Doing my due diligence I went on the company’s website to explore who they were to prepare for an interview. Up popped up a chat window asking if there were any questions I had. It surprised me but I thought I might as well introduce myself. I punched in my first name and my email address and started typing my explanation for being on the site. While I was typing, the charter manager I was connected with asked me if I had heard back from the company’s HR department yet about my resume. I was flabbergasted. This was a miracle for the gentleman only had my first name and email address and he had not even gotten my explanation. He finally read my explanation and stated that he would let the Human Resources department know I was doing my due diligence. I nearly jumped for joy as I definitely needed some good news. The CD’s stated that strange and wonderful things would happen and I had received my first lucky incident.

No sooner had I completed my application then my temp agency called with a possible placement. I then got a text from the cat shelter stating that the strangest thing happened. The lady who agreed to start working there suddenly could not take the job. She stated her husband claimed the commute was too far for a part-time job. So luckily I could have that job back in the interim until she hired someone else. The miracles kept on coming. I received an email from my dream job and a phone call from my temp agency requesting interviews. I was dancing on air! YAY! This law was actually working. Maybe I finally figured this law out!

I went to both interviews and felt I did well on both of them; which means what exactly? How many of you have gone to an interview and aced then only to find out later that you did not get the job? Well that is what happened to me. I did not get either job. If I thought I was devastated before ... I was wrong; I was now goo. I wrote the HR manager of the dream job and asked her feedback on why I did not the job. I was given a gift for she gave me some strong but insightful feedback on my presentation and presence. I was really struggling. Was this all a lesson or did I create this myself? The CD’s state that when something negative occurs it is actually a time to celebrate. He even goes on to say that you should pop the champagne but I did not want to celebrate. Pop the champagne? I had different ideas on what he could do with that bottle, but the feedback I got from the interview struck me that maybe, just maybe the problem was with me.

Admittance of a problem can produce change. To achieve positive results we must become teachable and be willing to change. My problem, according to the feedback, was that I did not listen and came into the situation with my own predetermined answer. Sounds like the poster child definition of not being teachable. I wanted to become teachable so I listened to the material again wondering what I had missed. The first piece that was hard to chew on was his definition of mysticism. It was explained as blaming outside forces for your current reality or situation. We live in an age where personal accountability is at an all-time low. Society has us all pegged as victims. He went on to say this is the biggest stumbling block for people. Even as you read this, strong emotions can come up for we all have had events in our life where pain was felt. I know it brought up some serious questions for me. My life had periods that simply sucked. How could I have been responsible for those? Since this challenged a fundamental belief of mine, I had to do some further research.

I had to find out if the speaker was just some sort of whack job. Just because he has this recorded material did not make him an expert. He did state on the CD’s that he was just the messenger so I looked closer at the message. I further expanded my understanding of this material with a video called “What the BLEEP do we know?”, and an introduction to Napoleon Hill’s “The Law of Success”. Mr Hill’s writing supported the concept of our thoughts creating reality and it was documented back in the time of Henry Ford and other great men of enterprise. This was not new material. The DVD also confirmed this phenomena by providing research from some of the greatest scientific minds of today. Even quantum physics says this is true. So I had past and present evidence and now my head was really spinning. This was not what my environment was teaching me. How could I have created all that I experience? The material clearly stated I was 100% accountable for all that was happening. That is an impossibility… or was it?

I don’t claim to understand this concept completely, but I was convicted that I no longer wanted to be a victim of my life on any level. I wanted change and the old adage of “if you want things to change in your life you need to change things in your life” kept ringing in my ears. Could this be what I needed to change? Could my approach and perspective towards the negative situations in my life be the cause of my stress? I wasn’t sure but I was willing to challenge my current understanding. So now what? How can this be applied in my everyday life? Where do I start? I’m not here to teach you how to apply this. I’m simply exploring how to truly apply this theory in a practical way and achieve desired results. I decided to adopt the theory that our beliefs are projected into our reality. I definitely have some work to do because my reality is filled with things that I do not want. The speaker stressed that when these negative situations come up they represent what you do not want. So if the Law of Attraction is based on what you think about most of the time, am I actually focusing on what I do not want most of the time? Is that what I’m creating here? Well then it should be simple to switch to thinking about what I truly wanted. Why on earth would I want this torment to continue?

So I did it. I sincerely delved into thinking about what I wanted. The trouble with each thing that came up was there was doubt I could get it. So what was I thinking about all the time? Doubt. What is doubt? It is the belief that you can not have something. Was doubt the one thing I was thinking about most of the time? Each material possession, relationship goal and financial dream met with the same constant. The beliefs and consequent feelings that I could not have it and I would not get it were at the core of my reality-generating machine. The Law of Attraction is not a human with decision-making power. It does not look over our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and judge them like Santa with his naughty or nice list. It simply takes the information presented at face value and draws people, situations and experiences that provide similar beliefs, thoughts ,feelings. I was transmitting a constant message of doubt. My real mantra was: I will not get it. I will not get it. I will not get it. No wonder I was not getting what I wanted; that was not the message I was transmitting.

That was a real eye opener. It also sparked another thought; what other messages were being transmitted? Could there be other limiting beliefs behind the unfavorable areas of my life? That realization was enough to set me on this path. I am taking the leap of faith that I personally can create a new reality for myself. I am going to put this theory to the test. Law of Attraction - it is time for the rubber to meet the road. I will do my part, I will actively seek out the beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that generate my current reality. I will go to the core of those beliefs, thoughts and feelings and address whether or not they are what I want. Is this how I want to live? Is this belief even true? Does it truly serve me? If not, out they go. A new countdown is on! According to the law my realities and life will change. I am looking forward to the increase in positive people, situations and experiences.

I bet there are many other Law of Attraction casualties out there. Where are you all? I can not be the only one. I encourage you to post all your questions, experiences, conclusions and applications. Together we can make this law work for everyone.

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