A NEW YEAR (A.N.Y.), a new way question series:
At the beginning of the year I posted our first article in this series explaining a new way to approach New Year's resolutions. Each day we will explore a different question that challenges us to understand ourselves better. The format will be as follows: I will post the previous day's question with my answer followed by the next day's question for contemplation.
Question #4: Are you sarcastic or obnoxious?
My Answer: Oh boy, this question brought up a lot of emotions for me for sarcasm has been a hot button of mine. Sarcasm was my main mode of conversation when I left high school and I was ruthless with my retorts. I was a very shy person and used sarcasm to gain a few laughs never thinking that it was at anyone’s expense. It felt good to finally have a small amount of notoriety so I convinced myself that I was just kidding and almost anything could be said as long as it was funny. Besides, if they got offended it was their fault for they couldn’t take a joke. I told myself to ignore the fleeting look of hurt or pain that crossed their face for it wasn’t my fault they didn’t have a sense of humor or were easily offended; everyone else laughed. As always, when the student is ready the teacher appears.
Have you heard of the book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz? That book provided me with much needed wisdom at the crucial time when my boys were young for they suffered from my vicious tongue. Oh! I was a poet and didn’t even know it! The first agreement, being impeccable with your word, hit me like a piece of lumber across the forehead.
I took a good look at my verbal inventory and I was appalled at my behavior. I started to be aware of what I said and realized that I rarely used my words in the direction of peace and love; they were used to tear people down. I wasn’t funny anymore, I was just plain obnoxious. Believe me, I tried to justify my actions by thinking that I was exhibiting tough love but there was no love felt by my recipients. They just thought I was mean and harsh and they missed the well intentioned message. Upon deeper reflection, I saw that I used sarcasm to hide what I was truly feeling because I was scared. What would happen if I tried to relay my feelings and show my vulnerability and sensitivity? It was easier to be the one to bark first and keep people at a distance for protection.
It took a long time to turn that around and start being impeccable with my word. I have in no way arrived and claim to be living this 100%. I still struggle with speaking positively of myself and others and what classifies as gossip. What this has done though is make me very sensitive to word usage and how it is directed. My hubby loves comedy and I have a hard time listening to it for I find it insulting and scarcely funny. There are a few routines that have gotten a chuckle from me but they are few and far between. I find that most of the comedians are quite condescending and mean-spirited in their routines. I am especially appalled by the ones that tear down their spouse and their relationship as part of the act. Does this make me like the millennials because I am easily offended by this material or is it that we are so desensitized towards how demoralizing our speech has become towards each other? The media and present day reality television programming are saturated with people trying to outdo each other on being obnoxious. I am not saying that everything has to be sugarcoated and politically correct in order for the truth to be spoken. All I’m asking is that when speaking the truth we aim to do exactly what Don Miguel Ruiz stated in his first agreement:
Speak to each other with integrity.
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
And please use the power of your word in the direction of peace and love.
Did this response resonate with you? I would love to hear your take on the question and how it impacted you. Please post your thoughts below.
Tomorrow's question:
Do you deliberately avoid anyone? Why? Response posted tomorrow.
Who is the Common Guru? Here is our introductory article
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