Notes From an Amateur Writer #33
PLAYING DICE WITH GOD
This Blog series is an exercise in creative writing. Sometimes expressed in short story forms, sometimes as a journal, or just my thoughts written down. This is my attempt to help coalesce my writing ideas and knowledge into usable form. It is a nursery of sorts for the stories that are on their way, or yet to be written.
This Ain't No Swan Song
I've been trying to write all week. I have, in spurts. Little bits here and there. But not much really. Not as much as I would like. I've been feeling a little rough this week, health wise. It tends to happen as winter is coming to an end. It's strange to me how the body seems to know. Or perhaps the external and the internal are more in sync with each other than we give credit for. Who knows? I just know what has been happening now for the past fifteen years, without fail. And even though I can count on it to occur, it's never pleasant. I think more psychologically than anything else.
Humans are complex creatures. In the good times we tell ourselves we are going to climb mountains, conquer worlds, possibly even rearrange the order of the universe. Imagination reigns and optimism flows. The times are good so how can they not? And this is a good thing. Perhaps it is fuel to get us through the rough times. And they eventually arrive. They do for me anyway.
This time of year brings me a cough. A cough of magnitude. Constant, repetitive, sawing away at my nerves. The hypochondriac in me is certain that this time it is real. This time I am dying. Woe is me. Back of the hand rests against my forehead as violins sing me out to the waiting hearse. Then reality kicks back in. I remember that this has been happening for the last fifteen years. It's my metronome. Tick, another years passes, tock, a second one to boot.
So I am fine. Mentally shipshape. Exhausted though. Coughing can be a full body exercise routine. Either that or I'm not doing it right.
The Dice Are Loaded
Which brings me to God. Everything eventually brings me to God. I think he and I have some unresolved past life thing going on. The issue that occurred fifteen years ago was cancer. My right lung was removed. I survived (clearly, unless this is ghost written). If you survive five years of cancer then you are classified as a survivor. So what do you do if you survive fifteen? You go back for seconds of course. I'm two years into my second helping. Two fifths the way to being a double survivor. Is that what they are called? A survivor squared? Seems somewhere along the way I challenged God to a game of dice. I think eventually God wins all these games, but why make it easy for him?
A Dream Within a Dream
This week has brought some intense vivid dreams my way. I don't normally remember my dreams. I usually know when I have had them. But they fade from view very quickly.
There were two particular dreams this week that were almost lucid. I felt like I was in them as they were happening. I still remember them clearly, as if they were actual life experiences. They were both quite surreal, and related to each other. I am incorporating them into a story I am attempting to write. That is the extent of my writing this week, together with this post. I guess it was more a time to reflect and observe, and allow ideas to evolve in their own time and space.
I have been listening to more music from years gone by. In fitting with the Songlines theme I have, where I write stories from songs that inspire me in some way. The album Adore by Smashing Pumpkins, as well as the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah. I also have a Nomad story that has finished a first draft but needs more tidy up work. At about 7500 words this is one of my more developed stories. I wrote this one over a month ago, but my head isn't clear enough to revisit it just yet. Soon enough though.
Inspiration and ideas can come from anywhere. That was really my point here. I think my themes can get somewhat repetitive, but I hope I bring enough originality to them. There is an authentic voice trying to come through.
PS: God sends His love.
All images used with permission, and sourced from Unsplash.com.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you liked it then please like, comment, and follow
@naquoya
Short Fiction:
Bang Bang You're Dead
I Have No Name and I Must Scream
The Last Book Store
The Judge
The Man In The Mirror
The End of the World [Part 1] [Part 2]
The Locked Room
The Gods of Love and War [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
Blasphemous
Jonathan and the Dance of the Leaves
Songlines - Short stories inspired by songs.
When the Levee Breaks
Crossroads
Heart's a Mess
It's So Easy