This is day 12 for me in @dragosroua's 30 day writing challenge.
ADULTS SIT AT THE BIG TABLE, CHILDREN SIT AT THE SMALL TABLE
I was reminded recently of times as a very small child when we would visit with family, with the roles that were performed, and the rituals that took place. Thinking back, trying to fill in many blanks, an image flashed before my eyes. As children we were at the low end of the pecking order. There is so much we did not know, so many mysteries around us. And the explanation for those unknowns and uncertainties around us come to us from those in our vicinity who stand higher up that pecking order. Namely our parents – the adults in our lives.
I remember at these family gatherings, where dinners were being served, even the layout and presentations would reinforce these layers and structures. It's not something I have seen in a while so I am not even sure if such behaviour still exists today, but the dinner table at these events would be set out for the adults present. At the end of that table would be a much smaller table, perhaps a camping or card-game table setup. For the children. Perhaps to reinforce the notion that they were at the bottom end of any authoritarian structure that may – or may not – have existed there in that environment. Or perhaps that was all that was available for the children's use, and was purely a matter of the economic realities of the time. Perhaps a bit of both, complimenting each other.
But such set-ups acted to reinforce these boundaries, and create division where such things didn't really need to exist. What they also seemed to do was instil in the children present the desire to rise, to reach the "bigger table", to leave these smaller people behind. To become an adult, in other words. Because to the child, the adult has all the answers. That is why they got to sit at the big table. And have their adult conversations, which to my child ears at the time were indecipherable utterances. Which automatically made them full of wisdom and power.
One day, I remember thinking, I will be an adult. I will know what's what. I will understand. The big table beckons.
So imagine my surprise, when rememberance of these events returned to me, with the realisation that I have actually qualified for use of the term "adult" for many years now, and left wondering when that wisdom and understanding would arrive. There were only two tables in my memories – the small table and the big table. Children, and adults. Did I miss something? Was there a larger table, but unseen by me? Perhaps the adults around were unqualified to sit there themselves, so out of their own shame failed to mention it's existence to me. Left us children in the dark, so to speak.
MY MELBOURNE CUP EXPERIENCE
Over the last decade I have worked as a tradesman for many wealthy (and not so wealthy) families in the city where I live. This job has allowed me to observe the level of success that many people have achieved in their lives, with the resultant wealth, houses, businesses, and networks that success has brought into their lives. One particular client - unknown to me at the time - owned a racehorse. This particular horse was running in Australia's most famous horse race – The Melbourne Cup.
So imagine my surprise when I turned up the next time to do work at his property, to see a life size replica of that year's Melbourne Cup winner in the sitting room. It still didn't fully dawn on me, as I don't follow these things closely. When moving to another part of the house, to what is the study, but seems to resemble a trophy room, there it was in all it's glory. That year's Melbourne Cup. The actual thing, not a replica, up on the top shelf, only a metre or so from where I stood. A race that pays out something in the magnitude of $5,000,000 as a prize. I felt, for the first time in my life like I had been issued, although just for a brief moment, an invite to the big table.
THE BIGGEST TABLE – FOR DREAMERS
And then it dawned on me. There really was an even bigger table. These people I was working for were most certainly seated at it. Perhaps a few of my other clients were too. The man who owned a brand new black Lamborghini – he would be there. The client who had had many acting roles on Australian television dramas over the years – he's there. A merchant banker – ditto. The Politician – probably seated at the head of the table.
All these people, I thought. I work for them all. I have set my sights too low. Whilst I had visions of making it to the big table one day – of being an adult, in a so called adult's world, these people were bypassing that nonsense, and forging ahead to tables as yet unknown to me.
My dream was too small! I don't want to win the Melbourne Cup, or become a Politician. That's not my dream. But I don't think it's about what we dream, just that we do, and pursue it. Become a published author – okay, that would be cool. Make a living from writing; yet another dream of mine.
Forget the big table, whose size is defined and held in check by those around us. I want to create my own table, without those silly restraints.
Images sourced from unsplash.com.
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Notes From an Amateur Writer blog series:
Notes From an Amateur Writer #1 - The Search For Inspiration
Notes From an Amateur Writer #2 - A Call to Action: Interacting With the World Outside of Me
Notes From an Amateur Writer #3 - Facing the Challenge
Notes From an Amateur Writer #4 - The Soundtrack to Grief and Loss
Notes From an Amateur Writer #5 - Music as a Catalyst for Imagination: Jimi Hendrix's Little Wing
Notes From an Amateur Writer #6 - The Stories All Around Us
Notes From an Amateur Writer #7 - Introducing Nomad [A Cyberpunk Mystery in the Making]
Notes From an Amateur Writer #8 - The House at the Edge of the World
Notes From an Amateur Writer #9 - Making Peace With My Kindle
Notes From an Amateur Writer #10 - Learning the Craft of Story Structure
Short Fiction:
Bang Bang You're Dead
I Have No Name and I Must Scream
The Last Book Store
The Judge