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My origial poetry, written and spoken by myself, Scott Bradley (@naquoya). I hesitated to publish this for several days, given it is a trip into one of my darker days. Still it speaks of light on the horizon, or at least its posibility. It may arrive, one day. Just not today. My thanks to @shawnamawna for her encouragement and reassurance.

► Listen on DSound

► Listen from source (IPFS)

One Day, Just Not Today

The space around had turned to black. A hole opened up, emerging out from my core. A vacuum was developing, pulsating out in surges of energy that announced its presence as I sought to balance myself anew.

The space was dark, but not so bad as to swallow me whole. No, it was in degrees less than I had once experienced. Things could have been worse. Because once upon a time they always were. But not today.

I felt the nausea bubbling up from the pits of my stomach. Just like I felt the shame rising from the core of my soul. The bubbles burst, spraying me with a vapour of unintended angst. Still it was not as bad as I had once known. It could have been worse, because once upon a time it always had been. But not today.

I sat in its midst and breathed in despair. And I longed for a day when I could say, "it's okay, you're okay." One day I will be able to say that. But not today.

To breathe in the present moment and not shudder to think of what once was. The past last viewed was littered with corpses of poor choices, and the remains of broken dreams. No point returning there. I used to go there so often. But not now, not today.

Things are different, though words betray my thoughts. The future could be different, if I could just be present with my soul. If I could figure out how to make sense of what's mine. When I can learn how to say, "it's okay, you're okay." I will one day say that. I know I will. Just not today.

When I can open the book and the pages reflect back an image once unseen and unknown. But no longer so. This is something for me to believe. It gives me each breath, and restores my soul. I need to rest and make peace with my own. I need to believe. I will one day believe. I know I will, just not today.

And when it's my time I will hear myself say, "it's okay, you're okay. Besides, it doesn't really matter anyway."

► Listen on DSound

► Listen from source (IPFS)

Images sources from unsplash.com and used with permission.

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