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Ramble On #4

Welcome to my new blog series - Ramble On. It is a travel based blog, created for the sole purpose of exploring new creative writing opportunities. It's bent is deliberately humorous. The stories are predominantly fiction.

Love, Sex, and Guru Powers

I had always wanted to spend time at an Ashram. To be in the midst of other enlightened types. Not that I wish to blow my own trumpet, although that clearly is what I am doing. But I like to think of myself as different. Many people have referred to me as being not of this world, so obviously I'm not the only one who thinks this about me.

Anyway like I was saying, I wanted to visit an Ashram. Turns out most of them are in India. Did you know that? Why do they put them all so far away? I know I am a travel blogger, so you my dear reader may think I am keen on travelling. Well I am. But I was broke at the time. A broke travel blogger can't travel very far. It's a hazard of the job. One no one told me about. Oh well, what was I to do?

I utilised an interesting website with a strange name. Google is what they call it. You probably haven't heard about it, but don't concern yourself too much with that. I'm often ahead of the curve when it comes to new technology. Turns out there was an Ashram right here in the city I was ~~stranded~~ currently in.

I made my way to the location of the Ashram. It was surrounded by a large solid wall, but not in a way that made it look like prison. No, not at all. I wouldn't even imply such a thing. There must be people of value inside was the conclusion I came to. More reason for me to be in there.

I found the gate and pressed the intercom. Having security at an Ashram did strike me as peculiar. There must be people of value in there – oh wait, I said that already. I need to vary the wording of my conclusions. Anyway, I could see through the gate. I noticed a lush garden setting. People were casually strolling around in what appeared to be silent meditation. Ah yes, enlightened types, this is the Ashram for me.

"The Guru will speak now," the Guru said. He referred to himself in the third person. That's a sign of importance, I'm sure of it. "Who are you and why are you here?"

I had been invited into the compound and eventually given a meeting with The Guru. Or Guru Powers, as the attendant had called him. A man of many names – that's another sign of importance, I'm sure of it.

"I'm a traveller," I told him. "I seek for enlightened experiences."

"Is that so?"

"Yes Guru."

"You will call me Guru Powers," he said, a degree of force emanating from his serene appearance. A contradiction, I know. Important people get away with these contradictions. I accepted this juxtaposition with the grace warranted for one so wise. I looked at him with a sense of love and appreciation. This man will help me in ways beyond my comprehension. I just knew it. He met my gaze. Wow, what power. I understood how he received that name now.

"Why do you look at The Guru like that?" he asked me.

"Because I have such love," I said.

"I can see that," he replied. "That's what bothers me about you. I can see you. See through you."

"What do you mean?"

"Your love is, well how should I put this; lusty." Had he confused my look. I gave him joyous affection. But he thinks I was mentally undressing him. Had I upset The Guru?

"I am so filled with joy to be in your presence Guru," I said.

"Guru Powers!"

"I'm sorry."

There was a pause in the proceedings whilst Guru Powers kept looking at me, eyes firmly fixed upon me. Could he impart words of knowledge to me? Fill me with wisdom and understanding? Help me rise above the mundane and experience the joy of truth? I waited for him to continue.

"I am Guru Powers, and I see all things. And you have wicked ways."

"Teach me how to be less wicked."

"That is not a job for Guru Powers."

"You can't help me?"

"Guru Powers can do anything he wishes. I don't wish this."

"Why not?"

"You ask too many questions." The Guru's blood vessels bulged. A slight expression of tension showed on his face. He looked so important right now. My love for him was growing.

"You are too young and naive. You don't understand the ways of The Guru," the Guru said. He was right, I am young. Not sure what naive means though. But I assume he is right on that too. No, of course he is, he is Guru Powers.

"You like love too much," he said. Wow, another thing he got right. It's like he could see right through me. "But in side you, in your heart, it isn't love, it's sex." Was there a difference?

"What do you mean?" I finally asked The Guru.

"You think too many lusty thoughts," he replied. "You're doing it right now. I would appreciate it if you stopped."

"I can't," I admitted. This wasn't going so well. Like being dragged into a confessional against my own will. I did have love for The Guru in my heart. As for my mind and its thoughts, I should have left them outside the compound.

"Then you are lost to me, traveller."

I turned to leave, admonished and feeling a little sheepish. The Guru was truly wise. But how did he do it? I needed to know. "If I may ask one more question of you before I leave," I said.

"You may, but just the one."

"How do you see through me, into me, like that?"

He laughed, like a jolly Buddha figure sitting on his little Ashram throne. A rosy light spread out from around his bald and shiny head. Like it had been oiled by angels with holy water. I couldn't see these things, I didn't have The Guru's sight. I just used my lesser strength traveller's sight. Not the same, really. "How do I see through you?" He repeated my question. Perhaps he thought I may have forgotten it already.

"Yes."

"I have Guru Powers," he said, continuing to laugh at his own joke. I could hear laughter around me. Others were entering the room, filling it with their laughing presence. I wondered if the Buddha had been this annoying, before departing, bringing my short lived Ashram experience to a premature end.

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