First Night - Part 1 of 2

“He doesn’t love you. That’s not love.”

Sarah, no sign that she heard, stayed huddled in the corner of Nikki’s bed, knees hugged to her chest. Her face, puffy and red from a two-hour crying jag, was set in the stubborn denial Nikki had come to expect whenever the topic turned to Lou. Why had Sarah even come here? She had to know what Nikki would say.

There was a time when the friends would have been curled together on the bed, Nikki wiping away tears, unflinchingly replacing dirty tissues with clean, comforting Sarah as she cried. That had been in another life: Before Lou. Now Nikki barely knew this girl who’d been her best friend for thirteen years.

“You’ve always hated him.” Sarah’s tone was barbed, accusing.

“I don’t know him well enough to hate him. But I hate what he’s done to you from the minute you made him your first.”

“See?”

She sounded positively triumphant. How could Sarah think this was a competition between them, when her entire life was on the point of collapse? “This isn’t about my feelings. It’s about what he’s forcing you to do.”

“He’s not forcing me!”

“Then why are you having a nervous breakdown on my bed? Why don’t you go get scraped out and be done with it? But don’t expect me to hold your hand while you let that fucker manipulate you.”

“He’s not!”

“Right. OK. What about your parents? You’re not even going to talk to them? What happens if something goes wrong?”

Sarah’s laugh was bitter. “You’re joking, right? ‘Mom, Dad, I’ve been banging a goy and I’m pregnant. Can you take me by the clinic maybe on your way to Temple?’ Oh yeah, brilliant, Nikki.” A fresh bout of sobbing took hold and Nikki’s anger cooled. She could see Sarah was in torment, and she couldn’t blame her for being afraid to go to her parents. They wouldn’t hurt her or anything. But the shame - it would be a devastating humiliation for her family.

“Sweetie, I’m sorry.” Nikki’s voice was calm, soothing, and she finally went to join the huddled, trembling form on the bed. Reaching an arm around her shoulders, she pulled her best friend close, resting her chin atop Sarah’s dark curls and absorbing the wracking sobs into her own chest, her heart, her soul.

She spoke quiet, reassuring words. “I’ll do whatever you need. I’ll help you. I’ll hold your hand the whole way. I’ll go to your parents with you.” At this last, she felt Sarah stiffen.

Shoving away from Nikki, Sarah glared as if in disbelief. “Are you for fucking real? You say he’s manipulating me, but what the hell do you call this shit? Oh yeah, you’ll be there for me as long as I do what you want, but not if I choose my own fucking life over a clump of cells!”

“No, Sarah, that’s not what I mean. I know you, and I know this can’t be what you want. Look at you! You’re a wreck!”

“Fuck you, Nikki!” Sarah was already to the bedroom door, but she turned her head to deliver one parting blow. “I don’t need your permission or approval to do what’s right for me and Lou. The fact is, I don’t need you.”

Her strength borne away on a tide of anger, fear, and hurt, Nikki sank to her floor and wept.

Clutching her palla about her, chilled by the deterioration of her carefully laid plans, Cunina stalked from the viewing atrium, making her way to - and she predicted soon through - a bottle of wine. Clearly the childhood friend hadn’t been the key she’d hoped. Instead, Nikki was persona non grata, Sarah was headed to the clinic, and there was nothing left for Cunina in their story. “The infant in the cradle” was her charge and there would be no such baby now. Fewer every year. Yet Moloch had his fill.

“It’s done.” Sarah held the silent iPhone to her ear, pressing harder as though she might miss some word or even a breath, any hint of Lou’s feelings. He said nothing, and she risked pulling it away just long enough to catch sight of the screen showing their call was still connected. “Lou?”

“Yeah… uh… shit, babe. You went alone? I thought you’d want me there. You said you wanted me there, that you couldn’t do it without me.”

For the briefest moment, Sarah thought she heard anger simmering beneath his words. But no. He was just disappointed not to have been there for her. This was why she loved him so much. One of the reasons, anyway. “I know. It’s just… well… in the end it was just too much. I needed to go alone. I didn’t want to talk or be near anyone. I just… I just wanted to be done with it. I’m okay.”

Lou’s response came slowly, she was sure she could hear a hitch of emotion in his throat. “I just can’t believe you went without me. I wanted - I needed to be there.”

Definitely anger. She had thought he’d be glad he didn’t have to deal with it, yet here he was - angry she had gone it alone. How could she have been so callous? She didn’t consider him at all. She didn’t deserve him. God, she was such a loser.

When she finally found her voice, the phone responded with the lifeless muffle. The screen mocked her, both with the photo of them together in happier times, and with the conspicuous absence of the “Call Dropped” message. Not lousy service.

He’d hung up on her.

In the viewing atrium, at the news of Lou’s failure and Sarah’s betrayal, Cunina’s oldest foe erupted. The bitch! How dare she? Who did she think she was? The bull stormed from corner to corner, huffing and screaming his frustration, until eventually shock and rage gave way before malignant design. Moloch whispered into the ear of his chosen, telling him exactly what to do next. It would take some time, but this new reward would be even more sweet.

Continue to Part 2

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