First Night - Part 2 of 2

Part 1
Pain shot across Sarah’s lower back and she gasped, jerking and sloshing her punch down the satin bodice of her empire waist gown. The corset was killing her, but she wouldn’t be caught dead without it. Not tonight. It had been three months of misery without Lou, but he’d finally relented. He was too sweet to leave her alone on a night like this, but however sweet, he’d be expecting the sexy silhouette he fell in love with, not this blob she’d let herself become. Her eyes darted about the room, seeking him out among her peers, but she was unsurprised by his absence. When he was near, she could feel him.

The First Night of the Rest of our Lives was the idiotic theme the prom committee had chosen, and Sarah had never felt so out of place. These people, they were her age, but also children, so naive. Another pain pierced her back just in time to distract her from the pang of nostalgia she felt seeing Nikki huddled with what used to be their crowd. Nikki, once nearly a sister. She of the endless summer sleepovers, shared “BFF Diary,” and cheap split-heart necklace from Claire’s Boutique.

Now she was practically a stranger. Bitch. She was just jealous. She couldn’t understand what it was like when you had a real relationship with a man - not some stupid high school kid. Sometimes you had to do things - make sacrifices - that seemed crazy to an outsider. That’s what you did for true love. Nikki hadn’t even tried to understand, so Sarah hadn’t bothered to reach out since. Even though she’d decided to take Nikki’s advice after all, she’d be damned if she would give that C-U-Next-Tuesday the satisfaction.

Sarah’s breath caught, that inexplicable warmth stealing over her. Before she even turned, she knew he was there. Her broad smile wilted as they locked eyes. The previously pleasant warmth intensifying, the flesh of her abdomen searing. He strode toward her. As the distance closed, the sense of being singed - almost set afire - grew. She was panting and desperate to stifle a scream when he grabbed her arm and steered her toward the locker room.

The door slammed shut behind them and he thrust her up against the bank of lockers. She’d have said it was impossible for her guts to tighten any further within the corset, but she had a sensation below her belly button like a thick band being pulled taut, as a pressure in her pelvis seemed to stretch her open. She looked down in horror to see they were standing in a puddle - a puddle of her - and Lou seemed to soften.

“Babe. Why did you lie to me? Did you think I wouldn’t know? That I’d believe for one minute you could do it alone?”

Burning. A fine mist was rising from the tiles around her and she realized it was her water simmering into the air. His face was so close his nose nearly touched her own, and his eyes, brown with red-ringed irises, pled with her.

He cupped her face with hands like scorching coals. Soon, she was certain, she would smell her own flesh roasting.

“I’m sorry, Sarah. I should have been there for you. I should have stuck close so we could get through it together.”

He let her go and she slid to the floor. The pains came fast now. No relief. One building before the last had even ebbed. She bit back a scream. All shame gone, Sarah pulled up her knees, spread them like wings and pushed, bearing down until she was sure she would rupture something critical in her brain. There was no telling how long she lay there - grunting and heaving - before she felt the relief of emptiness where moments ago she’d been full to bursting.

Lou picked it up and handed it to her. A little girl. He reached a hand behind Sarah’s neck, and leaned in, their foreheads touching. Gone was the fire, reduced to the old, familiar smolder. Sarah felt hope welling up inside her.

“It’s not too late,” he whispered.

“What?” Her heart stuttered in her chest.

“To show me you love me, Sarah. It’s just us here. No one knows. No one ever has to know. And you and me, we can be together. We can do all the things we planned before this happened.”

Sarah almost pointed out that this had happened because he told her he was sterile and allergic to latex, but that wouldn’t get them anywhere. She kept quiet as he gathered her into his arms, nearly crushing the baby between them. The baby. Lou murmured into her ear and she breathed in summer days at her grandfather’s farm. Musky. Sarah lay cradled with her back to his chest as he purred that he loved her, did she love him, reminding her she promised to get rid of the baby. No, of it, she corrected herself.

It lay there. The barrier to everything she wanted. Because everything she wanted was Lou. And she had promised. Now she couldn’t remember why she had changed her mind. Had she loved it? Had she believed Lou would love it too? Surely if he loved her…

“No one will understand, Sarah. I can’t be with you if you keep it. You know you have no one else. What will your parents say? Good little Jewess let some nasty goy knock her up? You want your papa imagining how I gave it to you? How you moaned under me? Who will you have left if you let it live?”

Sarah ran her hands down the soft flesh of the infant’s cheeks, slid her fingers beneath the jaw, and startled at the frailty of its neck. Squeeze. She wasn’t sure if Lou said it or if it was only in her head. Squeeze, or who will ever love you again?

“Sarah, stop!”

She hadn’t realized she was applying pressure until she loosened her grip. The little girl - her little girl - erupted into furious wailing. Nikki rushed toward her, concern and fury warring in her features. A soothing coolness settled onto Sarah’s flesh as Lou stood, shoving her away.

“You don’t have to do this!” Nikki cried, ignoring Lou to crouch before her.

“Who will love me?” asked Sarah. She could hardly hear herself, her voice was so weak.

“I love you. Your parents will love you. Your daughter will love you.”

Sarah stared at the face she’d known from chubby toddlerhood through first bikes, first periods, and first loves. How could she ever have doubted? How could she have let Lou come between them, let him...what she almost did...she must have been insane! She gazed down at the quietening baby and tears began to fall. Clutching her daughter to her breast, she leaned into the embrace of her oldest friend.

On the other side of the veil between seen and unseen, Moloch and Cunina stood close enough but unable to touch the avatars they had chosen for the latest skirmish. This battle was both as new as the babe before them and as old as humankind.

“Coward!” Moloch raged without effect at his retreating avatar. He turned his anger upon the women who held each other between him and his nemesis. Sucking in a breath, he unleashed his fury in their direction. A thousand voices roared from the bull’s mouth. All hungry. All denied.

Cunina smiled. Took a lingering look at the tiny new one, who was suckling as Sarah and Nikki gazed upon her in obvious adoration. Reaching out through the veil, she touched not the humans, but the aura around them. Fingers strummed, plucked, sifted through the layers of energy that swirled about the trio until she was struck by the bolt of light she sought. Brilliant opalescent lumination took hold at her fingertips, then swept up her hands, arms, across her breast, and into her core. Oh how she loved this, to be a part of new life, of the very creative force of the universe.

“Gloating doesn’t become you, Cunina.”

“Oh, are you still here?” She smiled wickedly.

“It’s one infant. Hardly rebuilding Rome.”

“It’s one infant, and one mother who will have a lifetime to love her and be loved by her. And it is a sister of the heart who has saved them both. It is their story and they shall live it now in peace.”

Moloch, Eater of Children, laughed cynically. “And what, in the grand scheme of the universe, does that even amount to?”

Cunina, Protectress of Infants, smiled. “Enough.”

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