A Letter to the Twin I Ate in Utero

I’m sorry.

I was hungry I guess?

I’m not sure why it happened. You were there in one ultrasound. A shadow person. A double image. The doctor says I absorbed you. Mama says that makes me twice the woman I might have been.

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I missed you. I always set out a cup and saucer for you at tea parties. Put a mirror in your seat so I could find you in my corner vision, know what it might have been like to not be so alone.

You were my greatest wish. I wanted you to be whole and real and with me. Not just in shadows or reflections. Not just in Sweet Valley High stories and prenatal memories.

Mama said two is a different dynamic. You become susceptible to rigid thinking, assignment to false dichotomy’s of good versus bad. Maybe.

Waiting for you to show up to our parties grew tiring. I learned you’d been whispering about me through the vents. It chilled me.

So I drank your tea and I broke the mirror. I swept the glass from your seat. I stretched, reveling in the freedom of one body, one mind and, when I stood with my back to the sun, footsie with my natural shadow.

A Letter to the Twin I Ate in Utero

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