Only One Of The Brothers Coconut Will Survive
Without a doubt the coconut twins, Almond Joy and Mounds, are two of the best bars in Hershey's line up. Of course it goes without saying that Hersheys didn't actually invent either candy bar. That would have been much to hard for Hersheys, even before becoming addicted to methamphetamine. So instead they bought the bar from someone significantly smarter than them.
The coconut siblings were invented in the early 20th century by Armenian candy man Peter Paul Halijian. You can still see his two first names on every Almond Joy and Mounds candy wrapper.
Mr. Halijian created the Mounds bar in 1921. Eventually he bought into a candy company that also took his two first names. The Peter Paul candy company introduced the Almond Joy in 1946. So actually, the two candy bars aren't twins, but brothers with a large age gap.
The Peter Paul company held onto the bars with animal ferocity until the company merged with Cadbury in 1978. This, as it turned out, was idiotic since nothing Cadbury makes actually tastes good. But that's a story for a different time.
Eventually the new Cadbury/Peter Paul hybrid was consumed by the cavernous maw of the Hersheys company in 1988. Then Hersheys, in a brief moment of salient thought, decided not to mess with a classic and so we have the Mounds and Almond Joy (relatively) unchanged today.
Whatever their history, however close they may be, Mounds and Almond Joy have always been estranged by an ongoing struggle for market share. Rather then mediate that feud I fully intend to capitalize on it.
So let's meet the family.
A comparative anatomy chart of a Mounds and an Almond Joy.
Mounds are a dark chocolate confection without an Adams apple. Almond Joy are a "milk chocolate" confection with the addition of said Adams apple. Both bars are filled with incredibly delicious, gooey, slightly translucent white coconut filling.
This filling will send most people into a sexual frenzy
TASTE:
Since the coconut is the same for both bars the difference in taste is only the coating and the addition, or lack of, an almond. This a hard choice. Though the almond does add a nice nutty flavor that compliments the delicious coconut concoction, the "chocolate" coating on the Almond Joy is a little too sweet. Whereas the Mounds has no Almond but also has real dark chocolate that lends a delicious cocoa tang to the front and back end of each bite.
Not only does the Almond Joy not have cocoa butter, it also has delicious vegetable oil, as well as vegetable oil of the partially hydrogenated variety. Mounds, meanwhile, has neither of these, opting instead for more expensive, less processed ingredients. So what's the deal? Do people who like almonds also like cheap oil in their candy? Why should I be forced to eat a lesser quality candy bar in order to get a couple of measly almonds?
So, who get the point? Mounds, hands down. The Mounds chocolate is one of the few "chocolate" coatings that actually tastes like chocolate, and the overall flavor of the bar is less saccharine and more subtle than the Almond Joy. Sure, I miss my two little almonds but you know what? They sell those in the store. Just pop one in with each high class bite of Mounds bar and your ready to go. So f$@k you Almond Joy.
TEXTURE
Texture is pretty straightforward. Whatever other ingredients are in an Almond Joy, both candy bars feel the same in the mouth, except one has a nice added crunch while the other doesn't.
Damn, one point for Almond Joy.
IMAGE
So it all comes down to image. Now, in the above picture I have a normal Almond Joy with a Mini Mounds bar. The Mini Mounds and the normal Mounds look the same though so that's irrelevant.
The two candy bars have pretty similar looking wrappers, except that the Almond Joy is a vibrant blue and the Mounds a more serious red. Also, the Almond Joy has a couple of nude almonds on it, whereas the Mounds has an extra halved coconut. Even though my favorite color is blue, in the end Mounds prevailed in this category, and I'll tell you why.
When one hears the name "Almond Joy," one immediately envisions a Japanese television commercial involving people in almond costumes jumping up and down on a similarly dressed Arnold Schwarzenegger.
But when you hear the name "Mounds" you think of piles and piles of chocolate covered, coconutty goodness. Mounds and mounds of candy bars dumped into a bath tub or a pool and in which you can frolic - potentially in the nude.
Which means 2 points for Mounds and 1 stupid, ungainly point for Almond Joy, which makes Mounds the undisputed winner. As it should be. Because a Mounds is basically an Almond Joy that tastes better but doesn't have an almond, a problem that is easily solved.
All that's left now is for Mounds to consecrate his sweet sweet victory.
Dear God, I meant a celebratory trip to Baskin Robbins, not this. Not this!