Gloria sat at the dining room table in her pink robe, a cup of coffee on one side, a sugar bowl on the other, with a row of neatly organized pamphlets in front. She sighed deeply and rubbed her brow with her finger tips.
The tea kettle began to whistle as Lola made her way into the kitchen and picked out her mug from the shelf above the sink.
"Uh hmmm..." Gloria cleared her throat from the other room, startling Lola from her own train of thought.
"Oh, Mom, I didn't see you sitting there." Lola poured her hot water and brought it over to the table to sit down, but stopped short as she looked down at what sat in front of her mother.
"When were you going to tell me, Lola?" her mother said with hurt in her voice.
"I..." Lola began. "I don't know." she finished lamely.
"You don't know? You don't know when you were going to tell me that I wasn't going to be a grandmother anymore? You weren't going to bother to mention to me that once that baby is out, that I have no place to love it?" her voice
rose higher as she stood to her feet.
"You don't know, because you were only thinking about..." her voice trailed as she couldn't finish her sentence. She sat back down angrily rubbing the tears away with the sleeve of her robe.
"I found them in your pants pocket when I went to do the laundry. How long have you been thinking about...about adoption?" she cleared her throat to swallow her tears.
"Only for a few weeks..." Lola said in a small voice. "I wanted to say something...I never planned on you finding those," she motioned to the table.
"No? But I did. So what was the plan? Or should I assume there was a plan at all? It's just like when you decided to run away from home with..."
"I didn't run away," Lola said anger building.
"It felt like it. One day you're living here, the next day I find your bags packed with an airplane ticket to Texas laying on your dresser. When I finally do see you, all I get is 'Mom, Kyle asked me to go with him!' You never asked
how I felt or for my advice. Then you were gone for months."
Lola sighed deeply. She had known she had caused her parents pain, she had derailed their plans for her future. Instead of attending college that fall, she had lived in Texas with Kyle on his cousin's couch while he studied to be a police officer. After his training was finished, she had been so home sick that they both came back to Illinois where he was hired on at her father's department.
Lola's breath started to quicken, and her heart pounded in her ears. She grabbed a hold of the chair in front of her and closed her eyes.
"Mom," she began. "I can't...I can't do this without him. I've tried..." she took a deep breath through her nose and exhaled.
"I've tried to be strong like Grandma Lola...I tried just like Aunt Myra wanted me to... and I can't..."
"No," Gloria said. "You can't on your own, none of us can on our own, but you have so much that you can't see," she said frustrated.
"If there's more, than you're right, I can't see it. I can't see past today. I can't see past this moment of feeling utterly helpless. You always had Dad, you don't know what this is like." she touched her belly. "I can feel her move and I can feel that she is alive! Why...why do I get to feel that?" Lola lowered her head and let her tears fall silently against the back of her hands as she gripped the chair tighter.
Thank you so much for reading! If you would like to start from the beginning to see a fuller picture, I've linked all the parts below! And thank you to all my readers! @freedompoint, @cecicastor, @dreemsteem, @bennettitalia, @thefarmerswife, @thegreatdayne, @scribblingramma, and @whatisnew
If you would like to be tagged so that you know when a new part is out...or if you would like me to take you off the list, haha, please tell me in the comments!
