What IF What You Were Told Your Whole Life Turned Out To Be WRONG?
Are you a party person who knows how to work a room or are you intimidated by groups of people, preferring intimate gatherings to crowds?
I want to talk about something that has intrigued me since my flight from LA to Bangkok!
Personalities!
We all have them!
What's yours like?
Are you outgoing, loud, contagious, opinionated, charismatic, jovial, assertive...
Or are you more shy, cautious, contemplative, quiet, reserved, introspective?
Do you even know? Have you ever thought about it before?
I hadn't! I just always thought I was the former. I never thought more about it until one book just shook my whole world!
The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney was a book recommended to me one day by Kindle. According to my other selections, it suggested this read to me and so, looking for something to occupy me on that long flight coming up, I downloaded it and was not at all prepared for what was going to happen!
I turned from an extrovert (which I had been my whole life) to an introvert in minutes!
What do I mean? Well, reading this book gave me a sort of permission to accept to myself that I was normal. It was OK to feel the way I feel in group settings and crowds. That feeling of anxiety that coursed through my veins when too many people started getting too close to me was all a normal part of the other side of the personality spectrum that I didn't know until now.
See, growing up I was always told how outgoing I was, how charismatic I was, how influential I was... but I didn't feel those attributes! Sure, I benefited from them and I walked through the motions but something always felt off. I felt like I had to try really hard to keep my energy up, to keep a smile on, to keep listening without my mind wandering to daydreams.
We're in many ways groomed into this from an early age. Society values extroverts (and as they should, these are the people that are brave and bold and make huge moves!) The thing that is often forgotten (at least in my experience*) is that there is also a huge benefit of the other side, the people in the corner at the party or daydreaming at their desk. Introverts as they call us!
See, introverts are misunderstood! A lot of times it's a matter of wanting to just think all of the incredible thoughts going on in their heads that makes them seem aloof or even disinterested!
After learning about this and reading more about what the difference is between introversion and extroversion, I found that I had been living my whole life WRONG!
How could that be?
I was the valedictorian, MC for almost every event and the student representative for my classes starting from 6th grade! I put on events, hosted dances, I even organized my prom!
I believed I needed to be bubbly and outgoing and happy and fun! So, I drained myself of all of my energy being those things!
Have you experienced this (what I call emotional fatigue?)
Maybe you are expected to do a speech in front of people but you're just feeling like reflecting silently, inwardly.
How about getting invited to a wedding and the big day comes and there you are standing in the middle of the crowd thinking... "I just wish I was at home right now."
What about social situations calling your name, during your free time? Friends want to meet up and hang out and while you'd love that, there is this book that you are dying to read, blog you are wanting to write, recipe you are wanting to create, game you are trying to beat...
If this doesn't sound like your life, don't worry but it sure is mine in a nut shell!
How I turned everything around:
We can get into the behind the scenes another time... what I want to do is share with you how I used this information to create my own advantage!
The Trick: HONESTY!
- If you meet me, I will tell you right from get-go if I am open to talking or if I am in my head at the moment. (If you could hear all of my thoughts, you would understand!) ;)
- If I get an idea or feel like I am no longer present, I take the opportunity to excuse myself.
- I am upfront about my wants and needs and if I am feeling overwhelmed, I openly say so.
This blows people's minds! They always think I am joking!
I'll say “I’m just going to stop you right there, I need to tell you, I have a thought right now that I really feel that I want to explore. It was really nice talking to you but I need to go write this down.”
Or I’ll say “Hi, I’m Cece, I can be weird and anti-social so if I start to get awkward it means I need to go home.”
It’s a trip. They laugh and say “Oh, you’re so funny.” Then I stare at them in the face and say “I’m so serious....” Awkwardddd... but always ends up being appreciated!
The effect:
Exit Door Open:
So what happens is, I have openly set the stage for an exit if I need therefore causing me to feel relaxed and less stress. This causes me to let down my walls and then this wonderful thing happens! Since I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not, the walls come down on the other side too and now all of a sudden we can authentically communicate and connect! Revolutionary stuff!
Authentic/Genuine Relationships:
Who in the hell wants to listen to someone jabber on if they’re not interested? Not me and I certainly won’t be lying to you to make you feel better! All the while, still being kind and friendly.
Although I can be a bit awkward and shy, I am still absolutely filled with love and really do enjoy meeting and sharing with people. I just choose to be mindful of my energy and emotions so I can give the relationship my all.
So, after I released myself from years of unmet expectations I got to blossom into this genuinely confident person who actually enjoys herself in public (before I would either hate my life and try to hide or drink a bunch of alcohol to make talking easier!) Obviously that wasn’t a very good/honest method. This works much better!
In general, I have fewer friends now than I used to but those that I do have are more sincere, genuine and more valuable in my life!
This is my advice for you today!
If you grew up expecting yourself to be someone who you’re not, it’s OK to let that image go. You might just find the real you hanging out inside and if you do find that you, you’re going to be happier than a pig in sh^t (as they say) because now what you truly want will start blossoming out of you like the flower you are!
It can be hard adjusting at first. I’m going to be honest with you. I went into hibernation for almost a year trying to figure out how to interact with the world again but now that I’ve found myself I feel liberated, like I can really just let go and be fearless. I want you to find that too and if you already have found it, more reason to celebrate!
It feels really good to reach inside and pull that woman that’s been waiting underneath it all, out of the shadows and into her light! I’m excited to share her with you! (Yep. Talking in 3rd person- sue me!) ;)
Here are some of my recent additions:
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Inspiration for your heart!
Telling you the truth that no one else tells you!
Why You are the best You there is!
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Check out the contest update here!
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🧀Smoked Cheddar Cheeze!
🍰Special Power Cake!
🍞 Get Stuffed: Gravy/Cheesy/Stuffed Loaf!
🍫 5 Min, Easy, Healthy DIY Chocolates!
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🎥Video! Drone footage= waterfalls!
🎥Video! My favorite place in NZ
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Until next time!
Sending you love through food, travel, inspiration and epic storytime!
XO,