The Relationship Transaction

How dare I use such a title for this post, does it not cheapen the idea of friendship and relationships? Well if that is where you mind went just now... good, that means its making you think and even though we may have started this conversation with a tinge of anger, If you give me the opportunity to explain, my point might resonate with you.
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We all want something

And this should not be a reality we should deny. The truth is that every single person in my life that I value, has a reason for being valuable. If that person does not hold any value, then why would I feel compelled to stay close? Why would I feel inspired to be a better friend?

Yes I know it sounds ugly, I know you hate it, I know you want to flag me, but it may have to do with the fact that you are not being honest with yourself about this very subject. The reason why we tend to obfuscate our feelings, deny what we really want is because the wants are attached at the hip with feelings of guilt. Nobody who we can identify as clinically sane likes to feel guilty about anything, even the worse kind of criminals.

But this is not a bad thing

Or in the very least it does not have to be. To accept and recognize the reason why you value someone in your life is to get acquainted with gratitude and that is always a step in the right direction. There are friends that I value for their heart, because they are eager to share in vulnerability with me, allowing me to lay down my shields and be myself just a little more. There are friends that I value for their intellect, because even thought they might seem rough at times, even though I've been at the edge of being upset with a comment, their intentions where good-natured.

Is it uncomfortable to think of friends in this matter? Maybe, but I also think its one of those things that allow me to open up, to not be scared of honesty and thus put to rest any fears I may have of rejection. If I was to say to a friend, to someone who I deeply care for that I do so because of their talent and kindness, is that an insult? Or can that be perceived as a compliment?

But Meno....the feels, they are so conflicting...

Yes they are, I won't deny it. This whole thing seems to be an oxymoron to kindness, but it does not have to be. Can we make any compelling arguments for the need of hypocrisy? I think that idea, or that attempt to edifice one is a steeper climb, but I'm open to someone presenting such an argument.

I've told without an ounce of shame the special lady in my life that I love her for her brain. I could not love her if I did not find her to be my intellectual equal, or at least I could not do so in a balanced way. She is not the princess in a castle and I am not a knight, she does not have to agree with me as much as she is not required to challenge me, even thought she does so often.

Not that I am one to give anyone advice, but I've found this approach to be liberating. Imagine... one day someone look as you and in moment of personal insecurity asks you (we all have those). "Why are you my friend?" and without missing a heart beat you reply... "because I think you are a freaking genius and I've learned a lot about myself because of you".