Can you remember the last time you flirted with someone?
Did you enjoy that interaction?
...or was it kind of awkward?
For me, I tend to experience a bit of both, but for a lot of 2017... it was a lot of the latter:
...awwwkward.
But the thing is, I really do enjoy flirting.
There's something so wonderful about it.
Even when it's clear there is no sexual intention behind it, flirting is actually one of my favorite forms of interaction.
It's probably one of the most playful interactions you'll have with another person.
Quite literally, it's a game where the goal is to have the most fun while simultaneously deviating between praise and tease.
And it requires a positive and fully engaged presence for it to work.
That honestly sounds like a great way to live!
If you could access a flirtatious state of mind more often, would you choose to do so?
If you asked me, my answer would be a big fat YES.
And thus, I sought to understand more about this state of flirtation and what it is really made of by exploring what other people have to say about it.
After reading and watching a variety of Steemit and YouTube posts and taking in a myriad of perspectives, I noticed a few patterns beginning to emerge.
And I'm excited to share with you what I've discovered...
But before we jump into it...
I really love sharing more about who I am alongside useful, practical content. After receiving some great encouragement from @amethystrosee, @dreamdiary, @lilastar, @heathersilvey, and a whole bunch of others who've been so supportive of this blog lately I wanted to add in a personal touch to each of these posts. Thus if you wish to watch my quick intro to this post, you can do so below. Otherwise, it's starts just below the video :)
Okay so let's get to it!
Before I started researching, I asked myself...
How Do I Become An Awesome Flirter?
And here's what I discovered:
Invite An Interaction With Your Body
“As a society we are trained not to look at strangers, not to stare, and not to look other people straight in the eyes. It's time to break that training.” ~ @angelheld (Steemian)
How often do we order coffee at a Starbucks while spending the majority of our time staring at the menu or cash register? I see this all the time, and sometimes I catch myself doing it.
Here's the thing: flirtation begins with a connection and that connection begins with the eyes.
Aaron Marina from Alpha M says that a great way to start a flirtatious interaction is to "glance in their direction repeatedly until you catch their eye...don’t stare, subtle little gestures...then give them a big smile.”
Obviously we're not trying to be creepy here - we're just using our eyes to subtly demonstrate an interest in interacting.
Without saying one word, we can already demonstrate a sense of openness.
“Flirting is the act of employing certain non-verbal techniques in order to convey your interest in the person you are flirting with.” ~ @angelheld
Simple Strategy:
Micro-interactions shared by Charisma On Command:
"Start making eye contact with everyone. The waitstaff, the busers, men, women, whoever it is, make these little micro-interactions of eye contact. Second, throw in a smile. So you walk past someone and you give them a little smile. Third, if you want, you can throw in a high five, a wave, or whatever. What you’re aiming for here is 1) to feel first off internally comfortable with these tiny interactions so you’re not just staring at your feet the whole time. And second, it’s to see how many people you can get to respond in kindness. Everyone who responds with a smile, a high five, a wave - that is an invite to go start a conversation."
But eyes are only the beginning, you can change your entire physicality to reflect this sense of openness:
“You’re going to feel different when you change your body posture, when you change the way that you are sitting or presenting yourself… Be conscious of the way that you're sitting. Open yourself up! ...You can flirt without saying a word through your body language, through your eyes, through your smile.” ~ Rachael DeAlto
By simply making small tweaks in how you present yourself (eye contact, smiling, opening up your body posture), you'll open the door to starting a flirtatious interaction.
But how then do we actually flirtatiously interact?
Presently Engage With The Other Person
Flirtation has a lot to do with the information that is being presented in the moment, and very little to do with any planning or forethought.
When you're focused on what's relevant, attractive, and interesting right now, a lot can transpire.
“The good flirt is doing crucially important social work. They understand that being recognized as erotically appealing is hugely beneficial and a key to rendering us more patient, more generous, more energetic, and more content.” ~ The School of Life
And whether that appeal is erotic, or not, it doesn't matter - you want to look for the details that stand out to you in that other person - and relay that information via a complement:
“When you give a compliment, you are automatically going to be received better.” ~ Aaron Marina
Many agreed that the best way to give a compliment, is to focus on the things that might not often be complimented:
@idxdev (Steemian) says:
“Instead of going for the more obvious compliments, actually do a little bit of work and try to compliment her on something a bit more subtle. It could be a small quirk, like the way her nose crinkles when she laughs, or the fact that, even if she doesn't show it off, she's really smart.”
Looking for the little things shows that you're really paying attention.
It also subtly conveys interest!
BUT... and a big BUT...
Here's where the rubber meets the road.
If you focus too much on complementing, the energy of the interaction can quickly lose it's steem... or oops I actually meant lose its STEAM :P
Why is that?
Charisma On Command says that "if you just go with straight up regular compliments and then just let it sit without redirecting the conversation and taking it somewhere else, it can feel kind of heavy like there’s too much tension in the air."
Flirtation is a balancing act. It's a deviation between appreciation and light-hearted fun.
Thus, following up a compliment with a joke, banter, or a slight tease that evokes play and laughter is a great way to balance the interaction and keep it in motion.
Simple Strategy:
The Push Pull Method shared by Charisma On Command:
"Compliment then tell a joke. Create a tension, then release it. The entire idea of cracking a joke afterward or using the push pull method is that it makes things stay light while still demonstrating your interest.” ~ Charisma On Command
A few examples of what that looks like are shared here.
"Find the balance between showing you accept and appreciate them and also making them work for it." ~ hellokaty
Like any wave, the tide moves up and down, and that's the motion of the ocean.
Flirtation has a similar movement, and thus when you engage with both of these approaches in mind (appreciation and fun/jokes/banter), you'll find yourself experiencing a great interaction.
Now when it's all said and done, what really makes the difference for a great flirter?
Focus Where You Want To Feel
Ultimately, we always have the choice as to how we want to feel.
One interaction compared to an interaction moments later can convey a completely different vibe.
You can be perceived as the most serious person one moment, and then the next moment be seen as a total jokester.
“It’s all about believing that you can be whatever you want to be for that period of time. We’re not looking to change personalities, but even when you’re shy you can flirt and you can smile. How hard is it to smile?” ~ Rachael DeAlto
It certainly isn't about putting up a facade to make it seem like you're a happy person.
That's NOT what I'm suggesting at all.
What I am suggesting is to make a choice to focus on the qualities you value in another.
Since flirtation dwells within the focus of fun and play, make a choice to look for those things in your next interaction.
I really enjoyed the story shared by @joshbillings a few days ago where he made an unexpected connection with a girl at a bar:
"Then a random girl was leaving the bar and said something fun to her friend. I instantly belted out a fun response. She stopped in her tracks, smiled wide, and said something along the lines of, "What's your story? I want to know if you're someone I want to put in my phone before I leave."
He was looking for the fun, focusing on it, and thus he was able to reciprocate it when it appeared in front of him.
That moment - as you will read - led to a wonderful connection with another totally random individual.
@joshbillings also shared in a recent article where he suggested that we take responsibility for our interactions:
“It’s my responsibility to attract the behavior I desire from you.”
It's your responsibility to attract flirtatious behavior if that's what you desire.
And you can simply do that by focusing where you want to feel!
Simple Strategy:
Ask yourself, "what's fun or playful here right now?" Look around the room, listen to what you here, feel what you feel. Once you find something, really pay attention to it. If you can interact with that fun or playful energy, do so! Take note of those moments and bring those memories with you as you interact with others throughout your day.
Can you remember the last time you experienced a positively flirtatious interaction?
What was that like?
Did you leave with a smile on your face?
Did you feel better about yourself?
Was it something you'd choose to experience again?
In my experience, the answer to all of these questions is YES YES YES!
And thus, why I believe that flirtation has it's definite place in the world.
It's a state of mind that's worth exploring.
By simply opening up your body posture, choosing to engage in a appreciative and playful way, and focusing on the behaviors you'd like to attract into your life, you can discover a wealth of flirtatious interactions.
So yeah, what do you think of the state of flirtation?
Is there anything you've found to be effective that we mentioned here?
Do you have any concepts or strategies that we should know?
Yeah?
Share them in the comments below! ;-)
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