On Helping A Friend In Need and Inspiration From Jewel

I have been quiet and not post anything for the past one week. If you read my previous post, My Gallstone Attack And Gallbladder Removal Surgery you would know that I had been very ill. I would like to apologize for not replying to your comments or phone messages. I had been recuperating and on top of that, I was admitted again to the hospital a couple of days after I was discharged. I had been suffering from a painful bout of bile stagnation post surgery. Basically, it means my body was very weak and sluggish due to the trauma of surgery and it couldn't respond well to basic functions like digesting food. It just didn't produce enough bile and enzymes for the body to function at optimum level. I wasn't responding to everyone's messages because I needed to rest and focused on getting well. (And of course to avoid reading some unsolicited advises/negative messages from some well-meaning people. I will talk more about that below).

I am finally home after the hospital discharged me for the second time. I hope I will make a complete recovery this time. I would like to thank those who came to visit me at the hospital like @bitrocker2020 and my dear friends and relatives. Thank you also to all well-wishers and those who kept me in their prayers. I truly appreciate your kind thoughts and help. And of course to my husband @voltranrex who had to rush here and there even during his working hours to take care of me and our kids.

How to help a friend in need?

I have met some wonderful people while I was sick. People who offered to babysit my children. People who offered to cook, drive me around or just trying to help me meet my basic needs. I have met people who offered financial assistance as well. And of course, those who prayed for me, these people are silent warriors who prayed when I couldn't. All of them are angels who helped to fill in the gaps because I couldn't do it myself. Words couldn't describe how grateful I am for their presence in my life.

And of course there is another type of nice people who tried to help but no matter how hard I tried to appreciate their help, I just honestly and humbly couldn't. I am not saying I am not grateful because I do appreciate them for taking the time to reach out to me. It's just that I couldn't shake that nagging feeling in my heart that their good intentions veiled something ugly. I don't quite know how to explain this but let me give you some examples.

Have you met someone who likes to give unsolicited advice when you are struggling in life? Or someone who likes to find reasons for your suffering like for example giving you diagnosis because you failed to adhere to certain healthy habits? And this advice is often given in condescending manners like he knows so much better than you and you should listen to him.

Yes, that type of people.

I prayed to God to help me be humbled and accept their kind gestures but I just couldn't. Frankly, I don't need that advice. At least not while I am suffering so much physically.

Or that type of people could be the ones who like to give their perspectives and solutions even though they never go through a similar experience before!

It is always easy to give opinions and advices when you are healthy, or your wallet is full, and your life is going okay.

If you are a Christian you would know these type of people. They are Job's good friends.

When you have a friend in need, please don't be those people in my examples above. Trust me you are not being helpful at all.

So what you really need to do to help a friend in need?

I appreciate all kinds of help. I really do. It is just that some of those unsolicited advices are given at the wrong time and did more harm than good. Unsolicited advices just added more unneeded stress and made me felt guilty even for something I didn't do.

The kindest thing you can do to help a friend in need is to just be there. I know we feel we must say something spiritual or insightful to a hurting friend. The truth is what she needs most is just your presence and prayers. Pat answers, trite quotations, unsolicited advices say much less than empathetic silence and loving companionship. When people are going through challenges in life, try not to be their counselor or doctor. They may listen politely to your opinions, but inside they are discouraged. So be tactful and try to just be there for them. Give them space to sort out their problem before offering anything. And be ready to help when they express their needs.

What all this has to do with Jewel (lady in the portrait)?

Well, to be honest, nothing! I just happened to read Jewel's memoir while I was hospitalized. I didn't bring my sketchbook this time and since I didn't want to spend time surfing the Internet, I decided to read a book.

I bought this book a couple of months ago but never find the time to read it. Being a 90s teenager, I am a big fan of Jewel Kilcher. Anyone else here? Jewel is a real artist and poet. Her songs are beautifully written and meaningful. I memorized all of the songs in her first album (Pieces of You). She doesn't rely on good looks to become famous because she is really talented. And she went through some very tough challenges in life. She was abused by her dad when growing up. Her parents were divorced and she was homeless and living on her own by the time she was 15. She worked multiple jobs to put herself through school. She sang in street corners, in cafes and bars while struggling with health issues. She couldn't afford medical care and was living in poverty before she was discovered by a talent agent. That happened a year before her first single 'You Were Meant For Me' made it to the top of music charts worldwide.

Reading about her struggles and issues made me realized how blessed I am in life. My life challenges are pale in comparison to hers. I feel so inspired by her spirit in trying to overcome her obstacles. She is famous today because she works so hard to earn it. I don't want to become famous like her of course, but her perseverance and work ethics are something I would love to emulate.

The portrait

This is a simple stencil portrait in markers and colored pencils. I decided to create a colorful portrait instead of my usual black markers style. It was a lot of fun and I felt so good to be able to do art again after 8 days in the hospital!

Reference photo is taken from here.

Here are the progress photos...