You don’t really want to be here, building a career and a future with Steemit.com.

I’ll make this short and sweet so you can go back to binge watching the new Netflix show.

10. Set it and Forget it

Take a lot of time and write a killer article. Like, at least one hour. Better yet 5. Publish and leave. When you log in next you’ll see you haven’t made anything! No followers, no money. Suhweet brah.

9. Better Yet, Slap It

Together. Don’t take time to write up something killer. Make sure your Post To Be is sloppy full of grammar and spelling mistakes.

8. Silly Rabbit, Titles are for Winners!

Do not spend time brainstorming eye catching titles. Remember- you want them to KEEP SCROLLING.

7. Todays Forecast- Foggy

Be sure your photos are blurry, grasshopper. You don’t want to catch your fellow Steemians eye and, GASP, have to deal with a compliment.

6. You Don’t Need Friends

That’s right. If you want to fail you must not talk with or engage with anyone on Steemit. Under No Circumstances.

5. I’ll Be There For You

Oops, you made a few friends. It was not your fault, you promise. Ok, so now what? Don’t engage. And curation, shmuration. Oh look- the next episode is starting!

4. Frequent Flier

Make it a point to rarely visit Steemit. Hey, the unemployment line is so much more entertaining, I got you.

3. Beg for Upvotes and Resteems.

Constantly. Every moment you’re on here be sure you are follow begging. Post your link on everyones comments, PM everyone in chat right now. .. Everybody really likes that, don’t you know?!

2. Become Illiterate

Do not read anyone’s blog. Not one article. You already know everything, right?! So what you doin looking at my stuff?

1. Don’t Promote

You definitely will never grow if you don’t promote your work anywhere and everywhere you can.

Disclaimer: This post is for entertainment purposes only. Purely satirical purposes. I want you to succeed! Grow! Become a Steemit Master.

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