The following is a fabrication of my imagination and highlights an issue I feel strongly about and think about often, but fortunately I haven't been through that myself.
It is past midnight here. It is all dark outside and quite chilly too. My eyes are brimming with sleep, the eyelids becoming heavy with each passing second. This is a sign of my body demanding sleep. I need to sleep. I should sleep. But the problem here is that I do not want to sleep. My body is yearning for me to sleep. It needs to rest. It needs to unwind. It needs to rejuvenate, but my mind.. Somehow, my mind is not ready to shut down. My mind keeps pulling me away from my bed maybe because it know what will happen if I sleep.
It has been 2 years since that unfortunate incident. 2 years since I suffered abuse- all sorts of it at the hands of a loved one- someone I trusted and loved a lot, but someone who had no qualms in breaching that trust. Someone I do not wish to name because I do not want to him to feel ashamed. I don't know why I am still caring for him maybe because I am like that and maybe that's the reason why people found it easy to take advantage of me.
The abuse did not stop easily. I had to run away from my home to escape that trauma which meant I had to sever ties from my family for good, but somehow I did muster up that courage and I am glad I did for if I had stayed under that roof any longer, I would have died soon. A friend helped me out and let me stay in her place. For the past two years, I have been living with her and working as a freelancer. Life is better now. Nobody abuses me. Nobody takes advantage of me. Nobody hates me. And nobody loves me. Maybe because I have stopped interacting with people. My friend is the only person left now with whom I actually talk. Other than that, I don't know anybody and I think I am fine that way.
Days pass away just fine, but it is the nighttime that is dreadful for me for when the sun sets and the stars shine bright, I know it is time for me to sleep but when I dare hit the bed, all I think of and see are flashbacks from the past. Memories of the times when I was treated like a vermin. When I had no say of my own. When I was used and discarded every single night and when I was treated like trash by someone who should have only given me love, care and a nourishing environment. These thoughts keep me awake for hours and if I dare sleep, all I see is nightmares. Nightmares that throttle me and make me wake up all covered in perspiration. Nightmares that don't let me rest. Nightmares that make me question my existence.
My friend says I need to talk to a therapist, but I don't want to open up to anyone anymore. I feel fine. I just don't want to sleep. I just cannot sleep. Maybe someday I will sleep better. Maybe that day will come, but it is okay even if it does not for I have learned to live like that.
This story is just a fabrication of my imagination. I haven't gone through any of this personally, but yeah I do know of some people who have been victimized by abuse so it was in some ways inspired by that. As always, looking forward to your comments on my work. Thanks a lot for all the support. You guys are love!
Love and light,
Sharoon.
Some of my posts that may interest you.
Parents- Guiding Lights or Dictators?
My Plans to Help the Steemit Community Grow and Consequently Grow Myself in the Process
