Thanks to @simgirl and @snook this challenge caught my eye the other day and I realized once I started writing about it, that this was a PERFECT post for my "Therapy Thursday"
10 Things I want to do before I die:
As someone who has spent the majority of my adulthood (26 years) as a stay at home mom, I have already accomplished a LOT of things that I grew up wanting to do. I tend to be the type of person who gets inspired to DO something, who has a big dream... and then I DO IT. These are some things that used to be on my bucket list, that I've already done"
Be a mom (this was my MAIN goal in life for as long as I can remember!)
Get married (find my soul mate and all that) <3
Act on stage
Write a script, direct, etc.
Write and publish a book (self published)
Travel to other countries (and more than just a vacation, I wanted to LIVE other places... and we did. On a boat!)
Homeschool my kids (growing up I wanted to be a teacher, later that shifted to homeschooling my own children)
Then... well, I found myself STUCK
Once my kids got older and needed me less on a daily basis, the trauma that this caused me was REAL. I started freaking out a bit more each year, wondering, "WHAT NOW?" I've spent so many years pouring myself into my stay at home mom self. I did PLENTY of things for ME as well, but none of it ever required me to bring in an income. I was doing things for us, as a family. My goals and dreams segued perfectly into parenthood, especially since I was a homeschool mom.
Most of my dreams just fit into that lifestyle and I was lucky enough to have an amazing husband who supported me in ALL of it.
Now I'm on year... who even knows, of feeling like I don't know what my purpose is now. I don't know what my goals are. I don't even know what I WANT to do with my life anymore, much less what I want to do to generate an income (well, I'd LOVE to make money just writing, but we'll see!)
Starting to write this list made me realize that even without needing to make an income to help us out financially (but it would help us out tremendously so we aren't barely eeking by, I'm not even sure what my DREAMS are anymore. No wonder I'm at such a loss!
I AM A DREAMER. That is who I am. I dream about doing things... and then I do them. I jump in with bot feet and immerse myself in the experience. Now I find myself floundering to even think of 'dreams' even if they aren't realistic. What has happened to me?
I am determined to think of things I want for the rest of my life. I know I want to create, but what? I know that I want to spend time and stay close to my kids. I know that I want to stay married and find a happiness in this next stage of being a couple (without little ones around!) I know that I want to create, to feel fulfilled and happy... so now I just need to set some goals or even just write out some dreams. I need something new to work towards, visualize, imagine... something to drive that DESIRE in me again. I need to find this new me that isn't a "Stay at Home, Homeschooling Mom" and move onto bigger, brighter and more awesome things, rather than staying in this stagnant state of not knowing and having no goals.
Things I still want to do
ONE. Write a book Not just self published, but even just self publishing an adult (by this I do mean a 'grown up' novel, but ALSO a more 'erotica type') novel that was even remotely suceessful would suit me just fine. I don't need a 'legit' publisher to feel like I've succeeded.
TWO. Make an income from my creative side (Probably writing?) Hopefully steemit will take me on this trip!
THREE. Travel in Europe for a few months at least. Backpacking, road tripping, whatever. NOT just a 'vacation' but a real living type of experience. Much like our experience on living on the road and traveling through the US for a few years, but in Europe.)
FOUR. Visit California and basically the whole West Coast. When we lived on the road traveling the US, we never quite made it all the way to the West Coast and I regret that!
FIVE. Buy a big plot of land and live close by my kids and grandkids I wrote about this in my Ten Truths and a Lie Reveal and it is definitely a dream of mine. If money were no object, I'd be on that right the hell now!
SIX. Learn an instrument and Sing in Public Regularly This can be in the form of Open Mic nights or coffeehouse gigs. I'm not terribly picky, but I want to reignite my passion for music and singing. I also want to sing with my daughter @abyni because she's awesome.
SEVEN. Get a lot more tattoos. Yeah, I'm reaching now, because I don't have any SPECIFIC tattoos I want right now, I know that after getting a mother-daughter tattoo with Paris aka @loliboofae that Abyni wants us to get matching/coordinated tattoos when she turns 18 later this year. I love tattoos and if they didn't cost so much, I'd probably already have so many more!
EIGHT. Create Traditions with my kids for Holidays I feel like with my struggles with depression, especially around the holidays, that the few traditions we did have... just kind of faded away. Currently we don't really do ANYTHING for holidays at all. We barely acknowledge them at all. I would love to resurrect our Easter clue hunt that we used to do (for the grandkids, at least) and think of something more... US for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I don't have any ideas as to what that would be. It's a little difficult I suppose because I'm really fortunate in that our family all gets together once a week already for games and dinner. That kind of makes 'getting together for games and dinner' for a holiday kind of non-special. Maybe we need to find a fancy way to do things or something. I'm not sure.
NINE. Find a New Marriage. Now this one isn't what it sounds like. I still want to stay married to @serapium but as I've said above, now that the kids are gone AND he doesn't have to work 60+ hours a week all the time, we're kind of floundering as well. It's like neither of us know what to do with ourselves and it sucks. Our marriage just kind of feels like it's on hold or something and I hate it. I'm ready to find our "thing" and get on it.
TEN. Be That Old Woman that Doesn't Follow the Rules. This one won't be hard, but I guess basically the fact of the matter is that I never want to change the essential part of me that doesn't care about what you're "Supposed to do" or what you're 'allowed' to wear/be/act like' at any certain age. I want to continue to live in homes with cartoons painted on the walls and be flamboyant when I'm in the mood. I want to be the crazy old grandma who doesn't give a shit about the rules and shows the younger generation that you just go out and do your thing. It doesn't matter if people like it or not, as long as you're following your own dreams.
One more I suppose I should put acting in/making a film on here, because that has been one of my dreams for as long as I can remember... however, this past year, that dream fizzled and died in a BIG way. For the first time in my life, I can't even seem to grasp a tiny part of that dream and I'm not sure why. I have acted in a short film and it was awesome. I have taken classes and been an extra on sets many times. This last class I took, though, seems to have just dragged that dream right out of me and kicked it into the dirt. I'm not really sure what happened, but when I think about working in film, in any capacity at the moment, it just makes me think, "EW. NO." and that is very very strange.
BUT for as long as that was a dream in my life, I figure it might come back some day, so I'm putting it on my list.
There you have it! I challenge you to give this a try! It is good to figure out what you want in life and what you want to strive for, even if it's just one thing at a time. I still feel a little lost, but in writing this, I also realize that my passion for writing has been SO ignited that I can't imagine NOT following through with those dreams of mine. I'm working towards it every single day and that means something. Just writing this post out has made me feel a little better.
Join us @steemitbloggers
Animation By @zord189
art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics
Click the icons to read some of my other posts!
Storytime Saturday: Psychological Thriller
Sunday Funnies: Letters from a Boat Cat
Mommy Monday: Puppet Making Series, Part One
Try Something NEW Tuesday: Learning the Ukulele
Weightloss Wednesday: ONE YEAR!!! Progress and Meal Plans
