He was late to work. Again!
What would his boss say this time? Last time, she sounded pretty serious, even to him.
“This is your last warning!” She said. “Next time, you are even one minute late, you are fired.”
There wasn’t even a hint of a smile even though, deep down, he knew that that was the script. HR for sure had give all the managers the exact wording to say in any kind of “situation.”
They were calling it situation now instead of conversation, or reprimand since everyone has been walking on eggshells lately. So many law suits and immediate firings or forced resignations if anybody said the wrong word.
Up till now, he never had worried about his job. Or his job security for that matter.
But now, he was driving faster. “Oh Tannenbaum, oh Tannebaum,” assaulted his ears from the radio. Nothing but Christmas music at this time of the year. So annoying!
Especially a song in German! Why?
For a minute, his thoughts stopped being focused on being late and driving fast. His ears took in the song and he needed to roll down the window and spit. The language!
“Don’t drive so fast! Why are you late again? You are not going to make it. Late as always! Didn’t I tell you to learn some discipline?” The voice with that German accent seemed to be coming from the back seat.
His grandma telling him what to do. Again! The longer she was dead, the louder her voice had become.
Change the stations. Turn the volume up! All useless, he knew that from experience. Still. Find some Jazz. No, rock n’roll.
His grandma hated rock n’roll. But she liked “Oh Tannenbaum” and they all had to sing it when on the mandatory afternoon visits during advent. She had been holding on to the old traditions. Including the insistence on always being punctual.
“Maybe that is why I am always late?”
Where did this thought come from? He needed to drive. And drive fast. Faster than his grandma could keep up with. Leave her behind.
“Beeb. Beeb.” The sound was barely reaching him through the loud riffs of the electric guitar filling his ears.
“Shit! God damn it!!”
At least his grandma’s voice had left his brain. But what filled the air now was the sound of sirens.
How long had that fucking police radar detector been beeping? The one time he turned up the music! Of course, everything always happened to him!
“May I see you drivers license and proof of insurance?” The officer asked very politely.
“Of course, officer,” he said with a charming smile. But his stomach was churning. Shit. It was a man. And he didn’t look gay either. The last two times he was stopped, he had managed to charm his way out of a ticket. Just as he usually could charm his way out of being fired.
But this dude looked like the kind of cop who had seen it all and wasn’t going to be impressed by anything he could think of.
Why was it taking such a long time to check his papers. How he hated this kind of waiting. But he was good at it. No sweaty hand for him. This was the time to keep all his wits about him.
Grandma was trying to talk to him again. Not now!!! He had silenced her before. For good. She was not going to ruin for him the life he had build for himself ever since.
He was free!
“You are free,” he whispered to himself. What was taking the officer so long?
“Because he knows!” Grandma cackled form the back. “Because he knows…” She was singing to the melody of Oh Tannenbaum!
Where was the officer?
“Because he knows…” louder and louder. Mixed with the cackling his grandma called laughter.
Now, he could see him walking toward his car. His face so serious. His hand on the gun.
Should he gun the car?
“Because he knows…”
Sweat. Oh no, sweat is running in droplets from his temples, his forehead, running into his eyes.
“Because he knows..”
Here is the officer at his window, reaching for him.
Both start speaking at the same time.
“I confess,” he says.
“All in order,” the officer says.
“Confess what?”
“That I prefer a winter climate at Christmas time” he says as Grandma’s song of because-he-knows becomes a barely discernible whisper.
“Your left tail light is not working. You need to fix that as soon as possible.”
“Can you write me a fix-it ticket I can show to my boss - that you stopped me?” He said. “I am going to be late for work.”
He drove off shaking his head at his own stupidity as he hummed “Oh Tannenbaum, oh Tannenbaum.”
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All images are my own unless otherwise cited.
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